He takes it and holds on like it’s a lifeline.
“My parents are both drunks. They beat the shit out me from the day I could walk until the day I left. A lot of times we were on welfare. It wasn’t exactly a trip to Disney Land.”
Our eyes connect in a way that paralyzes me. It’s weird. Almost transcendent. We’re not looking at each other, we’re looking into each other. And we recognize the lost, frightened person that’s been forever hiding in there. We understand each other. And my hand to God, no one, and I mean no one, has ever understood me. Not that side of me.
“But you got out,” Lazarus whispers. “And so did I.”
We stay like this for a long time, holding hands and just looking at each other. Then Lazarus moves around the table and pulls me into his arms. They’re strong and hold me firmly. He presses his face into my hair and I can feel the heat of his breath on my scalp. I slip my arms around his waist and hold him just as tightly. It’s not erotic this time. It’s much scarier and more intense than that. This feels more like love.
At last, he pulls back and gives me a sad smile. “I’ve got to go.”
I nod and brush the crumbs from the side of his face. “Okay.”
Lazarus dresses and finger combs his hair. As he slips on his shoes I realize that he’s humming quietly to himself. He’s ebullient. I feel the same. Like a huge black cloud has lifted. We’ve each revealed a secret and realized that our secrets are the same. The shame is gone.
When I open the door for him, Lazarus stops and turns to me.
“I’ll see you tonight.”
He holds my face in his hands and gives me a long, tender kiss. His lips are soft and taste of coffee. It makes me want to pull him back inside and undress him again.
Instead I flip the switch on my internal timer, which will count down the seconds until he returns.
Chapter Thirteen
Even though it is Saturday, I know that Devon and Nate will be at the office. There is too much going on to take weekends off. When I walk through the door, they both get up from their desks and come over, like I just walked away from a car crash or something.
“Okay, what went down between you and Chance, girl?” Devon looks as curious as she does concerned.
The last thing I need is a complication like this in my very first job. But after what happened, there’s little chance of escaping that. Still, I furrow my brow, feigning innocence. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s okay, Mickey,” Nate assures me. “We’re not mad. We just want to know.”
“I knew something skeezy would go down with that guy,” Devon grumbles. “He’s so slick he practically glides when he walks.”
I throw my purse on my desk and collapse into an armchair. “Just tell me what you’re talking about. Seriously. Give me a little context here.”
Devon sits on the arm of my chair. “Chance called and said…”
“The project is off,” I interrupt.
“No way!” Nate shouts, waving a hand at me. “Are you kidding? That guy is creaming himself over your idea. He’s not letting it go that easily.”
“He said he doesn’t want to deal directly with you anymore,” Devon explains. “He either wants to go through me, which seriously sucks for me, or through one of his assistants. Of course, he wouldn’t say why. I can only guess.”
I lean my head against the cushion and close my eyes. Just the thought of it all makes me exhausted. “Fine. Let’s just say, Chance isn’t exactly a gentleman.”
“I knew it!” Devon yells at the ceiling. She points at Nate with a look that’s half angry half smug. “Didn’t I call it? Before we even pitched him! You can predict this shit. See it coming a mile away! I know my man types.”
“And he is…?” I ask wanly without opening my eyes.
“Grade A Narcissist. With over the top sexual entitlement. What did he do? Now I have to know.”
“My parents are both drunks. They beat the shit out me from the day I could walk until the day I left. A lot of times we were on welfare. It wasn’t exactly a trip to Disney Land.”
Our eyes connect in a way that paralyzes me. It’s weird. Almost transcendent. We’re not looking at each other, we’re looking into each other. And we recognize the lost, frightened person that’s been forever hiding in there. We understand each other. And my hand to God, no one, and I mean no one, has ever understood me. Not that side of me.
“But you got out,” Lazarus whispers. “And so did I.”
We stay like this for a long time, holding hands and just looking at each other. Then Lazarus moves around the table and pulls me into his arms. They’re strong and hold me firmly. He presses his face into my hair and I can feel the heat of his breath on my scalp. I slip my arms around his waist and hold him just as tightly. It’s not erotic this time. It’s much scarier and more intense than that. This feels more like love.
At last, he pulls back and gives me a sad smile. “I’ve got to go.”
I nod and brush the crumbs from the side of his face. “Okay.”
Lazarus dresses and finger combs his hair. As he slips on his shoes I realize that he’s humming quietly to himself. He’s ebullient. I feel the same. Like a huge black cloud has lifted. We’ve each revealed a secret and realized that our secrets are the same. The shame is gone.
When I open the door for him, Lazarus stops and turns to me.
“I’ll see you tonight.”
He holds my face in his hands and gives me a long, tender kiss. His lips are soft and taste of coffee. It makes me want to pull him back inside and undress him again.
Instead I flip the switch on my internal timer, which will count down the seconds until he returns.
Chapter Thirteen
Even though it is Saturday, I know that Devon and Nate will be at the office. There is too much going on to take weekends off. When I walk through the door, they both get up from their desks and come over, like I just walked away from a car crash or something.
“Okay, what went down between you and Chance, girl?” Devon looks as curious as she does concerned.
The last thing I need is a complication like this in my very first job. But after what happened, there’s little chance of escaping that. Still, I furrow my brow, feigning innocence. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s okay, Mickey,” Nate assures me. “We’re not mad. We just want to know.”
“I knew something skeezy would go down with that guy,” Devon grumbles. “He’s so slick he practically glides when he walks.”
I throw my purse on my desk and collapse into an armchair. “Just tell me what you’re talking about. Seriously. Give me a little context here.”
Devon sits on the arm of my chair. “Chance called and said…”
“The project is off,” I interrupt.
“No way!” Nate shouts, waving a hand at me. “Are you kidding? That guy is creaming himself over your idea. He’s not letting it go that easily.”
“He said he doesn’t want to deal directly with you anymore,” Devon explains. “He either wants to go through me, which seriously sucks for me, or through one of his assistants. Of course, he wouldn’t say why. I can only guess.”
I lean my head against the cushion and close my eyes. Just the thought of it all makes me exhausted. “Fine. Let’s just say, Chance isn’t exactly a gentleman.”
“I knew it!” Devon yells at the ceiling. She points at Nate with a look that’s half angry half smug. “Didn’t I call it? Before we even pitched him! You can predict this shit. See it coming a mile away! I know my man types.”
“And he is…?” I ask wanly without opening my eyes.
“Grade A Narcissist. With over the top sexual entitlement. What did he do? Now I have to know.”
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