busy, and went about seeing the sights. I climbed the stair round Bel’s temple-tower, though the top was ruinous where his concubine used to lie on his golden bed. I was much beset by bawds, my youth still being enough to explain my beardlessness. And I saw the temple of Mylitta with its famous courtyard.
Every girl in Babylon, once in her life, must offer herself to the goddess. The courtyard is one huge bazaar of women, sitting in rows marked off with scarlet cords. None may refuse the first man to toss in her lap a piece of silver. There were some as fine as princesses, on silk cushions, with slaves to fan them, next to hard-handed peasant girls from the fields. Along the rows strolled the men, as if at a horse fair; I half expected they’d start to look at their teeth. The pretty ladies don’t have to wait long; but if a river bargee gets there before a lord, they must take him. Not a few stretched out their hands to me, hoping to pay their due with someone not too ill-favored. There was a grove nearby, where the rite was done.
Seeing some men stand laughing, I went to look. They were mocking the ugly girls, who sat day after day unchosen. That I might share the joke, they pointed one out to me who had been sitting there three years.
She had grown there from girl to woman. One shoulder was hunched; she had a great nose, and a birthmark on her cheek. The girls round her, plain as they were, seemed to look at her and take comfort. She just sat with folded hands, enduring the laughter, as an ox the whip and goad. Suddenly I was filled with anger at man’s cruelty. I thought how the soldiers had cut off my father’s nose alive instead of dead; how the men who gelded me had talked lightly across my pain. I took out a silver siglos from my pouch, and tossed it in her lap, saying the ritual words, “May Mylitta prosper you.”
At first she seemed scarcely to take it in. Then the loafers gave a great bawdy cheer. She grasped the coin and looked up bewildered. I smiled and offered her my hand.
She got to her feet. Nothing could have made her anything but hideous; yet even a clay lamp is beautiful, when its light shines at dusk. I led her from her tormentors, saying, “Let them find some other pastime.” She trotted along beside me, shorter by a head, though I was not yet full-grown. Low stature is despised in Babylon as in Persia. Everyone was staring, but I knew I must walk with her as far as the grove.
Inside, it was a disgusting spectacle. No Persian could well conceive it. The trees and bushes were not nearly enough for decency. In my worst days at Susa, I met no one so lost to? shame as to do such things except in the inner room.
When we were just within the gate, I said to her, “You may be sure I won’t put you to such disgrace as that. Farewell; live happy.” She looked at me smiling, still too dazed to take in my words; then pointed into the grove, saying, “There is a good place.”
That she could really expect such a thing had never entered my head. I could scarcely credit it. Though I had meant to keep my secret, I said unwillingly, “I can’t go in the grove with you. I am one of the King’s eunuchs. I was angry with them for mocking you, I wanted to set you free.”
For a moment she stared at me, her mouth falling open. Then suddenly she screamed out, “Oh! Oh!” and struck me two great slaps in the face, one with each hand. I stood with singing ears, while she ran off down the street, crying out, “Oh! Oh! Oh!” and beating her breast.
I was astonished, and wounded by her ingratitude. It was no more my fault I was cut, than hers that she was ugly. But as, brooding on it, I walked home, it came to me that ever since I was born, somewhere I had been wanted, whether for good or ill. I tried to think how it would be, to have lived twenty years and never once have known it. It killed my anger; but I went home sad.
Babylon grew mild with winter. I turned fifteen, though no one knew but I. Our
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