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spectacle or a piece of buffoonery. What new similes might they employ? Which one would pretend,most convincingly, to swoon with rapture at the sight of me? Once in a while I would make an appearance in the hall where they were feasting – backed by two of my maids – just to watch them outdo themselves. Amphinomous usually won on the grounds of good manners, although he was far from being the most vigorous. I have to admit that I occasionally daydreamed about which one I would rather go to bed with, if it came to that.
    Afterwards, the maids would tell me what pleasantries the Suitors were exchanging behind my back. They were well positioned to eavesdrop, as they were forced to help serve the meat and drink.
    What did the Suitors have to say about me, among themselves? Here are a few samples. First prize, a week in Penelope’s bed, second prize, two weeks in Penelope’s bed. Close your eyes and they’re all the same – just imagine she’s Helen, that’ll put bronze in your spear , haha! When’s the old bitch going to make up her mind? Let’s murder the son, get him out of the way while he’s young – the little bastard’s starting to get on my nerves. What’s to stop one of us from just grabbing the old cow and making off with her? No, lads, that would be cheating. You know our bargain – whoever gets the prize gives out respectable gifts to the others, we’re agreed, right? We’re all in this together, do or die. You do, she dies , because whoever wins has to fuck her to death, hahaha .
    Sometimes I wondered whether the maids were making some of this up, out of high spirits or just to tease me. They seemed to enjoy the reports they brought, especially when I dissolved in tears and prayed to grey-eyed Athene either to bring Odysseus back or put an end to my sufferings. Then they could dissolve in tears as well, and weep and wail, and bring me comforting drinks. It was a relief to their nerves.
    Eurycleia was especially diligent in the reporting of malicious gossip, whether true or invented: most probably she was trying to harden my heart against the Suitors and their ardent pleas, so I would remain faithful to the very last gasp. She was always Odysseus’s biggest fan.
    * * *
    What could I do to stop these aristocratic young thugs? They were at the age when they were all swagger, so appeals to their generosity, attempts to reason with them, and threats of retribution alike had no effect. Not one would back down for fear the others would jeer at him and call him a coward. Remonstrating with their parents did no good: their families stood to gain by their behaviour. Telemachus was too young to oppose them, and in any case he was only one and they were a hundred and twelve, or a hundred and eight, or a hundred and twenty – it was hard to keep track of the number, they were so many. The men who might have been loyal to Odysseus had sailed off with him to Troy, and any of those remaining who might have taken my side were intimidated by the sheer force of numbers, and were afraid to speak up.
    I knew it would do no good to try to expel my unwanted suitors, or to bar the palace doors against them. If I tried that, they’d turn really ugly and go on the rampage and snatch by force what they were attempting to win by persuasion. But I was thedaughter of a Naiad; I remembered my mother’s advice to me. Behave like water , I told myself. Don’t try to oppose them. When they try to grasp you, slip through their fingers. Flow around them .
    For this reason I pretended to view their wooing favourably, in theory. I even went so far as to encourage one, then another, and to send them secret messages. But, I told them, before choosing among them I had to be satisfied in my mind that Odysseus would never return.

xv
The Shroud
    Month by month the pressure on me increased. I spent whole days in my room – not the room I used to share with Odysseus, no, I couldn’t bear that, but in a room of my own in the women’s