of people who wanted to be the Donald Trump of the workplace and thought that they were shrewd and genius in their business activities. Maybe I could have been more like that as well, but I did not try to be. I was not worried about seeing the business succeed because like good Jim Halpert, I was not involved enough in its success or failure. I just did my job and did what was necessary to keep getting paid.
Nonsensical Reports
We also had to fill out biweekly activity reports. Sounds exciting, right? But there were so many other reports from financial projections, contract metrics, supplier report cards, work-flow expectations, and program report cards that when I actually got around to doing the activity report that was to detail what I had actually done, I would typically list 40 percent of my time being spent on reporting on what I was doing. That's rightâwe were so consumed by metrics and reports that I spent roughly 40 percent of my time having to detail what I did with the remaining 60 percent of the time on the job. That is the definition of circular logic âreporting on what you are reporting on.
I honestly do not think they cared what I put in those reports; they just wanted them so they could, through some way of metamorphosis, know what was going on because they required that we fill out these reports, not that they actually planned on reading them. From time to time, I would drop a ludicrous comment in the activity report. Under the section entitled âWays to Improve My Workplace Efficiency,â I would write, âFill out fewer of these pointless reports.â
Pretty brazen, I know, but honestly, this B-level employee with a personal identification number of 239405 was unlikely to be highly thought of enough to actually read one of the 104 reports that I submitted each year, in conjunction with the other 30 employees in the department, which meant that in the course of one year our department expected its employees to fill out a combined 3,120 activity reports. Great use of time, wouldn't you say?
The point of this is, even if you find the strains of business pointless, you have to do them. It is perfectly acceptable to hate them, even complain to the non-powers-that-be about them, but do not neglect them. One of the most important aspects of trading in the workplace is not becoming a drag on the organization and a resultant problematic employee by placing a greater priority on the actual trading itself than the work you are required to do to stay employed.
Workplace Scalawag
Many times the events that took place in the workplace puzzled me. There was a guy named Joe, a clown and wannabe âEdwardâ who, despite his insignificance to nearly everyone who worked with him, tried to place himself on a pedestal above his coworkers and equal with every executive and director he fell underneath in hopes that someone might take him seriously.
One day, while working on Christmas Eve, he insisted that I process an invoice that I was not supposed to submit and have accounts payable cut a check that same day, which actually takes about a week, for reasons unbeknownst to me. And he wanted me to overnight that check to a supplier so that it would arrive the next day, on Christmas, which was also impossible since that was a federal holiday and the post office doesn't even deliver on that day.
This was all because that date was the cutoff for our monthly revenue forecasts. Since he was short on his financial forecasts that month, he insisted on this payment being made. He was so adamant that he tried to give me the Lyndon Johnson treatment and slam his fist down on my desk and demand that I âdo it or elseâ and then proceeded to walk out of my office. My first instinct was to look for the nearest camera (as if that existed) and give it the Jim Halpert shoulder shrug, with the confused eyebrow raise and bottom lip grimace.
My next thought was to knock this punk's lights out, but I
Nonsensical Reports
We also had to fill out biweekly activity reports. Sounds exciting, right? But there were so many other reports from financial projections, contract metrics, supplier report cards, work-flow expectations, and program report cards that when I actually got around to doing the activity report that was to detail what I had actually done, I would typically list 40 percent of my time being spent on reporting on what I was doing. That's rightâwe were so consumed by metrics and reports that I spent roughly 40 percent of my time having to detail what I did with the remaining 60 percent of the time on the job. That is the definition of circular logic âreporting on what you are reporting on.
I honestly do not think they cared what I put in those reports; they just wanted them so they could, through some way of metamorphosis, know what was going on because they required that we fill out these reports, not that they actually planned on reading them. From time to time, I would drop a ludicrous comment in the activity report. Under the section entitled âWays to Improve My Workplace Efficiency,â I would write, âFill out fewer of these pointless reports.â
Pretty brazen, I know, but honestly, this B-level employee with a personal identification number of 239405 was unlikely to be highly thought of enough to actually read one of the 104 reports that I submitted each year, in conjunction with the other 30 employees in the department, which meant that in the course of one year our department expected its employees to fill out a combined 3,120 activity reports. Great use of time, wouldn't you say?
The point of this is, even if you find the strains of business pointless, you have to do them. It is perfectly acceptable to hate them, even complain to the non-powers-that-be about them, but do not neglect them. One of the most important aspects of trading in the workplace is not becoming a drag on the organization and a resultant problematic employee by placing a greater priority on the actual trading itself than the work you are required to do to stay employed.
Workplace Scalawag
Many times the events that took place in the workplace puzzled me. There was a guy named Joe, a clown and wannabe âEdwardâ who, despite his insignificance to nearly everyone who worked with him, tried to place himself on a pedestal above his coworkers and equal with every executive and director he fell underneath in hopes that someone might take him seriously.
One day, while working on Christmas Eve, he insisted that I process an invoice that I was not supposed to submit and have accounts payable cut a check that same day, which actually takes about a week, for reasons unbeknownst to me. And he wanted me to overnight that check to a supplier so that it would arrive the next day, on Christmas, which was also impossible since that was a federal holiday and the post office doesn't even deliver on that day.
This was all because that date was the cutoff for our monthly revenue forecasts. Since he was short on his financial forecasts that month, he insisted on this payment being made. He was so adamant that he tried to give me the Lyndon Johnson treatment and slam his fist down on my desk and demand that I âdo it or elseâ and then proceeded to walk out of my office. My first instinct was to look for the nearest camera (as if that existed) and give it the Jim Halpert shoulder shrug, with the confused eyebrow raise and bottom lip grimace.
My next thought was to knock this punk's lights out, but I
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