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him back to Dorset with her, if she should offer to Gilbert to take him away. That’s what many people would do. That might be the best thing, four boys instead of three; Gilbert would help with money.
    ‘Did you have a nice picnic? . . . Did you swim?’ ‘Yes.’
    ‘Did your mummy go swimming too?’ ‘Yes.’
    ‘Were you swimming together?’ ‘No. I went first.’
    ‘Then her?’ ‘Yes.’
    ‘I know this is very difficult for you, Lewis, we’re all very sorry indeed for you. Do you think you could tell us, in your own words, what happened to your mummy?’
    Everybody waited.
    Nobody knows but this child, thought Kate; she looked at Gilbert, wondering what he could possibly be thinking, waiting to hear this. Then she looked back at Lewis and found she couldn’t look away from his face. She didn’t ever want to know. She had to know.
    ‘Can you tell us what happened to your mummy?’ said the doctor again. Lewis looked back at Dr Straechen.‘Lewis?Tell us what happened.’

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    ‘Does he understand?’ Gilbert, perched on the arm of the chair, leaned forward.
    ‘Everyone needs to know, Lewis.’ ‘Lewis? Would you speak to us, please?’
    ‘I went swimming and I was trying to get the rudder off the wreck that’s there.’
    His father was still leaning forward and hungry-looking, and staring at him. Lewis started again, his eyes on his father’s face.
    ‘I couldn’t get it off. My mu— My m— She— My—’
    This was terrible. They were all waiting and he couldn’t speak. How can you not be able to speak? There was a boy at school who had a terrible stammer and he thought he sounded just like him. His mind felt very small and he couldn’t make himself speak at all.
    ‘It’s all right.Try again.’ This was the doctor.
    Lewis tried very hard to think of words, but then, after a moment, he bowed his head in defeat. Kate saw his head go down and it was unbearable. She couldn’t understand why Gilbert didn’t hold his hand, or stop them, and she wanted to get up and shout at him. She thought of her own boys, her house and the world she had made over years and she knew, clearly and shamefully, that she wasn’t going to take him. She didn’t want Lewis in her house. She imagined the upheaval of having to love him and sort out the jealousies and the rows that would be inevitable, and of seeing Elizabeth in him all the time. It was beyond her; she didn’t want this motherless thing in her home. She looked at the top of his head, dipped down like that, and he could have been one of her boys. Her boys were vulnerable, too. She had no pride, she knew she wasn’t going to help him. She got up quickly and went out to the garden.The door stuck slightly and made a loud noise and everybody except Lewis

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    looked up. Kate walked quickly away from them up the garden and only knew she was crying because she couldn’t see. She hadn’t cried yet. Oh God, she thought, here it comes, here it comes.
    The people in the room focused their attention on Lewis again.
    ‘Lewis?’ said the doctor,‘Lewis?’ Lewis looked up.
    ‘Try again, Lewis,’ said the doctor, very gently.
    ‘I w— I w— I w—’ He took a breath.‘I wanted to get the rudder up. Off the boat that’s there.’
    ‘Well done. Good boy.You asked her to help you?’ ‘No, she said she would do it.’
    ‘Did you help her?’
    ‘No, I was watching.’ He knew how that sounded.
    ‘Was there anyone else there, Lewis, or was it just you two?’
    ‘We were on our own.’
    ‘Just you two, you’re absolutely sure?’
    ‘We were on our own. Please, sir, I’m sorry.’
    ‘There’s no need to be sorry, Lewis, it’s all right. Did you run for help?’
    It was no good, his mind had shut down.
    ‘When did you see she was in trouble in the water?’This was another voice, from the other side of the room.
    ‘Did you see what went wrong?’ ‘Did you try to help her?’
    He felt water closing over his head. ‘Did you go in with