Read Online The Most Beautiful Woman in Town by Charles Bukowski - Free Book Online Page B

guts easiest. Bagley leaned back as Danforth ran them through the wringer, he heard them talking:
    â€œit’s hard for a man as old as I am to get a job, oh, it’s so hard!”
    another one said:
    â€œoh, baby, it’s cold outside.”
    another:
    â€œI get tired of booking and pimping, getting busted, busted, busted. I need something secure, secure, secure, secure, secure …”
    another:
    â€œall right, I’ve had my fun. now …”
    another:
    â€œI don’t have a trade. every man should have a trade. I don’t have a trade. what am I going to do?”
    another:
    â€œI’ve been all over the world — in the army — I know things.”
    another:
    â€œif I had it to do all over again, I’d be a dentist or a barber.”
    another:
    â€œall my novels and short stories and poems keep coming back. Shit, I can’t go to New York and shake the hands of the publishers! I have more talent than anybody but you’ve got to have the inside! I’ll take any kind of job but I am better than any kind of job that I take because I am a genius.”
    another:
    â€œsee how pretty I am? look at my nose? look at my ears? look at my hair? my skin? the way I act! see how pretty I am? see how pretty I am? see how pretty I am? why doesn’t anybody like me? because I’m so pretty. they’re jealous, jealous, jealous …”
    the phone rang again.
    â€œSATISFACTORY HELP AGENCY. Bagley speaking. you what? you need a deep-sea diver? motherfuck! what? oh, pardon. sure, sure, we got dozens of unemployed deep-sea divers. his first 2 weeks’ pay is ours. 500 a week. dangerous, you know, really dangerous — barnacles, crabs, all that.. . seaweed, maidens on rocks. octupi. bends. head-colds. fuck, yes. first 2 weeks’ pay is ours. if you fire him after 2 weeks we give you $200. why? why? if a robin laid an egg of gold in your front room chair would you ask WHY? would you? we’ll send you a deep-sea diver in 45 minutes! the address? fine, fine, ah, yes, fine, that’s near the Richfield Building. yes, I know. 45 minutes. thank you. goodbye.”
    Bagley hung up. he was tired already and the day was just beginning.
    â€œDan?”
    â€œyeah, mother?”
    â€œbring me a deep-sea diver type. bit fat around the belly. blue eyes, medium hair on chest, balding before his time, slightly stoical, slightly stooped, bad eyesight and the unknown beginning of the cancer of the throat. that’s a deep-sea diver. anybody knows what a deep-sea diver is. now bring one, mother.”
    â€œo.k., shithead.”
    Bagley yawned. Danforth unclamped one. brought him forth, stood him before the desk. his tag said, “Barney Anderson.”
    â€œhello, Barney,” said Bag.
    â€œwhere am I?” asked Barney.
    â€œSATISFACTORY HELP AGENCY.”
    â€œboy, if you two ain’t a couple of greasy-looking motherfuckers, I ain’t never ever seen none!”
    â€œwhat the fuck, Dan!”
    â€œI ran him through 4 times.”
    â€œI told you to tighten those screws!”
    â€œand I told you some men have more guts than others!”
    â€œit’s all a myth, you damn fool!”
    â€œwho’s a damn fool?”
    â€œyou’re both damn fools,” said Barney Anderson.
    â€œI want you to run his ass through the wringer three times,” said Bagley.
    â€œo.k., o.k., but first let’s you and me get straight.”
    â€œaw right, for instance … ast this Barney guy who his heroes are.”
    â€œBarney, hoose yr herows?”
    â€œwell, lemme see — Cleaver, Dillinger, Che, Malcolm X., Gandhi, Jersey Joe Walcott, Grandma Barker, Castro, Van Gogh, Villon, Hemingway.”
    â€œya see, he i-dentifies with all LOSERS. that makes him feel good. he’s getting ready to lose. we’re going to help him. he’s been conned on this soul-shit and that’s how we get their asses. there ain’t