Read Online The Misfortunes of Others by Gloria Dank - Free Book Online Page A

love. I thought she was married twice.”
    “Think of all those years shut up in the tower. What’s the matter with you, Missy? Didn’t you go to college?”
    Maya rested her head on her hands. “I can’t keep up this smart repartee anymore, Snooky. I feel too sick. My life is at an end. All I’m good for is sitting here eating this rock-hard piece of pita bread.”
    “Your life is just beginning, Missy.”
    “My whole consciousness is focused on my stomach.” She took a piece of bread, swallowed and gagged slightly.
    “So? Now you and Bernard have something in common.”
    “I’m tired of hearing you imply that Bernard lives for food. Bernard does not have a weight problem. He burns it off.”
    “That’s right.” Snooky expertly sliced an onion. He ladled some soup out of a steaming tureen, blew on it and tasted it. “He burns it off sitting in his study thinking about lobsters.”
    “It’s true,” Maya said miserably, “I don’t think his work is going very well.”
    “His work never goes well, but he always gets it done on time. I wouldn’t worry. You have other things to think about these days.”
    “He can’t come up with a name for the lobster. You can’t write a book about a character with no name.”
    Snooky lifted a lid and examined the contents of the pot. “Are you positive you’re up for curry tonight?”
    “As long as it’s not greasy. I can eat spicy foods, I just can’t stand anything that’s the least bit greasy. I had some falafel the other day, I thought it was going to kill me. Rolling waves of nausea, like the ocean.”
    “How poetic. How about Henry?”
    Maya was disconcerted. “Henry?”
    “For the lobster.”
    “Why Henry?”
    “I don’t know. It always seemed to me like a good name for an invertebrate.”
    “I think Bernard is looking for something more … you know … more lobsterlike.”
    “How about Janie?”
    Maya was irritated by this. “Janie? Snooky, what is wrong with your head? What in the world is lobsterlike about Janie?”
    “Sophie?”
    “I don’t want to discuss it anymore. There is nothing in the least bit lobsterlike about Sophie. Sophie is a perfectly lovely name. In fact, it’s one that we’ve considered for the baby.”
    “Oh, really? What else have you considered?”
    Maya turned suddenly secretive and vague. “Oh, you know. Names. The usual names. We don’t want anything too different. Too unusual.”
    “That’s good. Pick something proud, Missy. Something to carry on the family tradition.”
    “Something like Snooky?”
    “Nothing wrong with Snooky. It’s better than the alternative.”
    “Arthur?”
    “That’s right.”
    “I’ve never understood why you always hated your name so much. It’s a lovely name. Arthur. It resonates.”
    “I’ve never liked it. I never felt it was me. The true me. The me underneath. What do you think of this curry?”
    She tasted it. “Delicious, Snooks. As always.”
    “Rolling waves of nausea?”
    “None.”
    Bernard, when he heard about it over dinner, was pleased with the name Sophie. “That’s perfect,” he said with enthusiasm. “Sophie. It has all the right connotations.”
    Maya gazed at her husband in astonishment. “What connotations?”
    “You know. Lobsters, and fins, and … you know.”
    “Lobsters don’t have fins, Bernard,” said Snooky, carrying the soup tureen in from the kitchen. “Back to the drawing board.”
    “Well, you know.”
    “I don’t know,” Maya said. “All I know is that we were considering it as a name for the baby. And now it’s perfect for a lobster?”
    “Sophie was never a first choice for the baby.”
    “I
liked
Sophie. Sophie Woodruff. It’s a beautiful name.”
    “Too many
f
sounds,” said Snooky. “Sophie Woodruff. No, no, Missy. Think again.”
    “Sophie Constance Woodruff,” said Maya tearfully. Constance was their mother’s name.
    “Beautiful, and touching, but not quite right, if you ask me.”
    “I didn’t ask