blaming her for her father's desertion, ripped out from the shadows. Quickly she pushed them away again, for it wasn't a time of her life she ever cared to revisit.
'Was he depressed before he left?' Pauline asked. 'Had something happened? Do you remember any rows, or anything like that?'
'There was one huge row, not long before he went,' Julia admitted. 'I'm not sure what it was about, I just remember my mother telling him he was sick and ...' She broke off quickly. 'He ended up with cuts and bruises all over his face and a fractured rib, I think. I don't know if they spoke to each other again after that, they certainly slept in separate beds. Then one morning he left for work and never came back.'
'And never tried to contact you again?'
'Not that I know of. My mother might have kept
it from us, but he could always have tried another way, if he'd wanted to.'
Pauline was wrinkling her nose as she looked at Sylvia. 'Do you think there was another woman involved?' she asked, turning back to Julia.
'If there was, why would that stop him seeing me and Pam?'
'Your mother might have stood in his way, but again there would have been other routes he could have taken.'
Sylvia was refilling their glasses. 'So has this prompted you to try again to find him?' she asked.
Julia sighed. 'I don't know. Part of me feels as though I should, but it's been so long now ... And if he wanted to be found, why not leave a number?'
'What does Josh think?'
'We haven't discussed it yet, but no-one would be happier than him if I went back into therapy and got myself sorted out once and for all, because he's convinced my father's desertion is at the root of it all. What he's not considering though, is that it might just end up making everything ten times worse.'
'Worse than no sex at all?' Sylvia said doubtfully. 'Hard to imagine.'
Julia smiled, then pulled a face as she realised Sylvia might have a point.
'You know what I think,' Sylvia suddenly decided, 'I think you need an affair.'
Julia blinked in astonishment. 'I'm off sex,' she reminded her. 'And if I weren't, Josh is who I'd want to do it with.'
'But are you sure it's sex you're off, and not him?'
Julia shifted uncomfortably. 'Quite sure,' she responded. Then after a moment's thought, 'Well, the fear that he's sleeping with someone else is definitely playing a part in putting me off sex, so I suppose, in a way, it could be him.'
'Is he sleeping with someone else?' Pauline asked, incredulously.
'No. I don't know. I don't think so.'
'Of course not,' Sylvia answered, going inside to fetch more wine. 'But that's not to say Julia shouldn't, so is there anyone you fancy? Someone you could try flirting with to see if it gets you going? If nothing else, it might kick-start the old libido, get things moving again.'
Julia was shaking her head. 'No-one I can think of. Anyway, I don't want to go that route. I love Josh, I'm totally fulfilled by our sex life - when we're having one - and I have no desire to be involved with anyone else, even on the most superficial level.'
Sylvia sighed and cast a mournful glance at Pauline as she came out again. 'I never did get monogamy, did you?'
'Only when I'm married,' Pauline confessed, 'but coming at it from this side, it seems positively quaint. Honestly, Julia, to think you're still crazy about the same man after how many years?'
'Almost eighteen,' Julia provided.
'Incredible. I don't know whether congratulations or commiserations are in order. However, we are talking about Josh, so maybe it's not so peculiar. Is he a generous lover?'
Julia nodded. 'The best,' she replied.
'What if I told you,' Sylvia said, 'that he is having an affair?'
Julia's smile fled, and as she turned to look at her, her entire body turned cold.
'I'm just posing the question,' Sylvia assured her 'I'm not saying he is.'
Relief flooded in so fast that Julia felt instantly light-headed. 'You really scared me then,' she chided, glancing at Pauline.
'She sure did,'
'Was he depressed before he left?' Pauline asked. 'Had something happened? Do you remember any rows, or anything like that?'
'There was one huge row, not long before he went,' Julia admitted. 'I'm not sure what it was about, I just remember my mother telling him he was sick and ...' She broke off quickly. 'He ended up with cuts and bruises all over his face and a fractured rib, I think. I don't know if they spoke to each other again after that, they certainly slept in separate beds. Then one morning he left for work and never came back.'
'And never tried to contact you again?'
'Not that I know of. My mother might have kept
it from us, but he could always have tried another way, if he'd wanted to.'
Pauline was wrinkling her nose as she looked at Sylvia. 'Do you think there was another woman involved?' she asked, turning back to Julia.
'If there was, why would that stop him seeing me and Pam?'
'Your mother might have stood in his way, but again there would have been other routes he could have taken.'
Sylvia was refilling their glasses. 'So has this prompted you to try again to find him?' she asked.
Julia sighed. 'I don't know. Part of me feels as though I should, but it's been so long now ... And if he wanted to be found, why not leave a number?'
'What does Josh think?'
'We haven't discussed it yet, but no-one would be happier than him if I went back into therapy and got myself sorted out once and for all, because he's convinced my father's desertion is at the root of it all. What he's not considering though, is that it might just end up making everything ten times worse.'
'Worse than no sex at all?' Sylvia said doubtfully. 'Hard to imagine.'
Julia smiled, then pulled a face as she realised Sylvia might have a point.
'You know what I think,' Sylvia suddenly decided, 'I think you need an affair.'
Julia blinked in astonishment. 'I'm off sex,' she reminded her. 'And if I weren't, Josh is who I'd want to do it with.'
'But are you sure it's sex you're off, and not him?'
Julia shifted uncomfortably. 'Quite sure,' she responded. Then after a moment's thought, 'Well, the fear that he's sleeping with someone else is definitely playing a part in putting me off sex, so I suppose, in a way, it could be him.'
'Is he sleeping with someone else?' Pauline asked, incredulously.
'No. I don't know. I don't think so.'
'Of course not,' Sylvia answered, going inside to fetch more wine. 'But that's not to say Julia shouldn't, so is there anyone you fancy? Someone you could try flirting with to see if it gets you going? If nothing else, it might kick-start the old libido, get things moving again.'
Julia was shaking her head. 'No-one I can think of. Anyway, I don't want to go that route. I love Josh, I'm totally fulfilled by our sex life - when we're having one - and I have no desire to be involved with anyone else, even on the most superficial level.'
Sylvia sighed and cast a mournful glance at Pauline as she came out again. 'I never did get monogamy, did you?'
'Only when I'm married,' Pauline confessed, 'but coming at it from this side, it seems positively quaint. Honestly, Julia, to think you're still crazy about the same man after how many years?'
'Almost eighteen,' Julia provided.
'Incredible. I don't know whether congratulations or commiserations are in order. However, we are talking about Josh, so maybe it's not so peculiar. Is he a generous lover?'
Julia nodded. 'The best,' she replied.
'What if I told you,' Sylvia said, 'that he is having an affair?'
Julia's smile fled, and as she turned to look at her, her entire body turned cold.
'I'm just posing the question,' Sylvia assured her 'I'm not saying he is.'
Relief flooded in so fast that Julia felt instantly light-headed. 'You really scared me then,' she chided, glancing at Pauline.
'She sure did,'
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