It’s up to me whether I’ve taken my lithium or not.’
‘Oh, no, it isn’t, my girl. I live in this house as well as you. And I know what happens when you stop taking it. The next thing you’ll be chasing this magician around, accosting him in the street. If you don’t take it now, and if I don’t see you taking it with my own eyes, I’ll be on the phone to the doctor.’
‘You want me tanked up with chemicals,’ Marilyn said. ‘You and the doctor both. It’s as if I’m a child. I have to do what you say. I don’t have my own freedom. I’m not allowed to decide if I need the lithium or not. If it was up to you you’d keep me on it for ever. For my whole life.’
‘You’ll stay on it for as long as it’s being prescribed for you, Marilyn. Doctor knows best. You get out of yourself when you’re not taking it. Fixating on people, going into a fantasy world, speaking to me as if I’m a piece of dirt.’ They stared at each other. Marilyn narrowed her eyes but Ellen didn’t give way.
‘You don’t know what it’s like to be lonely,’ Marilyn told her, a perceptible crack in her voice.
‘I do,’ said Ellen. ‘I’m lonely as well, Marilyn. But the answer isn’t to fixate on the first man who comes along.’
‘Danny isn’t the first man to come along. He’s the answer to all my prayers.’
‘Go and get the lithium,’ Ellen said.
Marilyn tramped up the stairs and came down with a single tablet in the palm of her hand. She walked to the kitchen sink and splashed water into a mug. She stood in front of her mother and placed the lithium tablet on her tongue. Then she took a gulp of the water, emptied the mug.
‘Satisfied?’ she said.
‘Yes, I am,’ Ellen said. She reached out and stroked her daughter’s cheek. ‘You know I love you, Marilyn. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I’m here and not in Scotland. And it’s because I love you that I want you to take your medicine and not get out of yourself. We don’t want another episode like, you know, the footballer or... You don’t want that, either, do you?’
Marilyn shook her head. ‘No. I don’t want that.’
‘So, who were you talking to on the telephone?’
‘The hairdresser. I want a trim, something to make me feel better.’
‘And where were you this morning? You took the car.’
‘It’s a surprise. I don’t want to tell you.’
‘I don’t want a surprise, Marilyn. I’ve had enough surprises in my life.’
‘I went to look at some earrings. They were supposed to be for your birthday. A present for you.’
Ellen shook her head and smiled. She held out her arms and Marilyn let herself be enfolded in her mother’s bosom. While there, snuggled up between arm and breast, she removed what remained of the lithium tablet from her mouth and tucked it into the back pocket of her jeans. Outside the window the river water on the field was creeping closer to the house, every day a little closer.
‘It’s not that you’re bad,’ Ellen was saying. ‘I know that You’re a good girl at heart, always were. You just go off the rails from time to time, when you’re left to your own devices. But if we stick together we can beat it, Marilyn. The two of us together are bigger than this thing.’
‘I know,’ Marilyn said, making her body shudder like it would at the onset of tears. ‘And I’m so glad you’re here. Without you there’d be nothing to live for.’
10
Sam watched the weather from his office window and wondered where he was with Angeles. Had the best of their relationship already happened? Was the future another slow decline into separate paths? Was there anything he could do to influence the situation one way or another? Grey city was almost deserted. There were a few damp tourists in Betty’s tea shop but the usual queue to get into the place had been absent since the rains came. ‘What do you think?’ he asked Marie. ‘We gonna have a flood?’
‘The river’s high,’ she said.
‘Oh, no, it isn’t, my girl. I live in this house as well as you. And I know what happens when you stop taking it. The next thing you’ll be chasing this magician around, accosting him in the street. If you don’t take it now, and if I don’t see you taking it with my own eyes, I’ll be on the phone to the doctor.’
‘You want me tanked up with chemicals,’ Marilyn said. ‘You and the doctor both. It’s as if I’m a child. I have to do what you say. I don’t have my own freedom. I’m not allowed to decide if I need the lithium or not. If it was up to you you’d keep me on it for ever. For my whole life.’
‘You’ll stay on it for as long as it’s being prescribed for you, Marilyn. Doctor knows best. You get out of yourself when you’re not taking it. Fixating on people, going into a fantasy world, speaking to me as if I’m a piece of dirt.’ They stared at each other. Marilyn narrowed her eyes but Ellen didn’t give way.
‘You don’t know what it’s like to be lonely,’ Marilyn told her, a perceptible crack in her voice.
‘I do,’ said Ellen. ‘I’m lonely as well, Marilyn. But the answer isn’t to fixate on the first man who comes along.’
‘Danny isn’t the first man to come along. He’s the answer to all my prayers.’
‘Go and get the lithium,’ Ellen said.
Marilyn tramped up the stairs and came down with a single tablet in the palm of her hand. She walked to the kitchen sink and splashed water into a mug. She stood in front of her mother and placed the lithium tablet on her tongue. Then she took a gulp of the water, emptied the mug.
‘Satisfied?’ she said.
‘Yes, I am,’ Ellen said. She reached out and stroked her daughter’s cheek. ‘You know I love you, Marilyn. That’s why I’m here. That’s why I’m here and not in Scotland. And it’s because I love you that I want you to take your medicine and not get out of yourself. We don’t want another episode like, you know, the footballer or... You don’t want that, either, do you?’
Marilyn shook her head. ‘No. I don’t want that.’
‘So, who were you talking to on the telephone?’
‘The hairdresser. I want a trim, something to make me feel better.’
‘And where were you this morning? You took the car.’
‘It’s a surprise. I don’t want to tell you.’
‘I don’t want a surprise, Marilyn. I’ve had enough surprises in my life.’
‘I went to look at some earrings. They were supposed to be for your birthday. A present for you.’
Ellen shook her head and smiled. She held out her arms and Marilyn let herself be enfolded in her mother’s bosom. While there, snuggled up between arm and breast, she removed what remained of the lithium tablet from her mouth and tucked it into the back pocket of her jeans. Outside the window the river water on the field was creeping closer to the house, every day a little closer.
‘It’s not that you’re bad,’ Ellen was saying. ‘I know that You’re a good girl at heart, always were. You just go off the rails from time to time, when you’re left to your own devices. But if we stick together we can beat it, Marilyn. The two of us together are bigger than this thing.’
‘I know,’ Marilyn said, making her body shudder like it would at the onset of tears. ‘And I’m so glad you’re here. Without you there’d be nothing to live for.’
10
Sam watched the weather from his office window and wondered where he was with Angeles. Had the best of their relationship already happened? Was the future another slow decline into separate paths? Was there anything he could do to influence the situation one way or another? Grey city was almost deserted. There were a few damp tourists in Betty’s tea shop but the usual queue to get into the place had been absent since the rains came. ‘What do you think?’ he asked Marie. ‘We gonna have a flood?’
‘The river’s high,’ she said.
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