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like changing it in the future, they’d talk about it.
    In addition to timing, there’s another rule of thumb about monogamy in a gay male relationship. The guys who push monogamy—who demand it as a condition of dating and insist that it’s the only way they can feel comfortable in a relationship with you—are always the first ones to cheat.
    When my committed relationship with Karl ended after two and a half years, I started dating another man within weeks. The new guy, tall, blond, blue-eyed, thirty-six-year-old Doug, made it clear he didn’t want to be “the rebound guy with someone newly broken up.” He said it was absolutely necessary for us to be monogamous. I was flattered and wanted to show him I was serious, so I agreed (the road to hell is paved with flattery, not good intentions as some have claimed). Eleven months later, I discovered he had cheated, just once supposedly, while I was away on business. If he hadn’t made such a big deal about our being monogamous, I doubt if this one incident would have been a deal breaker. After I pulled the “Sucker!” sticker off my back, I realized that my strong reaction to cheating was all about lying and the setup of this situation rather than the actual slip.
    There is no getting around it—monogamy is what many gay men (and straight men, too, for that matter) say they want, but what few really want to give.
    Let the subject of monogamy come up naturally once you have been together awhile. When it does, keep in mind these monogamy Mandates, which can help you establish a basis for discussion:
    In the blush of infatuation, don’t let your mouth write checks your ass can’t cash. Promising monogamy is flattering, makes you feel special, and is
very
hard to go back on once you decide you don’t want to practice it anymore.
    Offer it unconditionally. If it’s something you want soon into dating, consider offering it without demanding it back.
    It’s all about honest communication. If you decide that monogamy is something you both want, explore that if someone strays, the breakup issues are all about lies, betrayal, and a breakdown of honest communication. In my case, because we had set up monogamy as the rule, and because my guard was down, I felt blindsided. Since he had insisted on monogamy so strongly, it had never crossed my mind that he’d be the one to cheat.
    Don’t set the rule in stone. Agree that you will, as a couple, revisit the rules of your relationship if and when you choose.

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    HAVE THE FOLLOWING SUDDENLY APPEARED IN YOUR APARTMENT: AN EXTRA TOOTBRUSH, A SPARE CONTACT LENS CASE, AND AT LEAST TWO ARTICLES OF HIS CLOTHING? CONGRATULATIONS! YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND

    Sometimes you can date a man for months and not know the status of your relationship. Is it love? Is it lust? Is it just a fling? As they say in Hollywood about films that stay in theaters a long time, “Does it have legs?”
    Sometimes, by the middle of your first dinner, you are already planning your fifth-anniversary party.
    Men being men, wanting what we want when we want it, it is hard to determine when you should clearly note the dating milestones. You know, the markers that indicate that your simple date has become a regular date and may well be on the road to real live boyfriend.
    The following chart is a guide to help determine what category your man falls into, providing some key variables that will help you determine if he’s a relationship trick or treat.

    Once you have assessed which category he falls under, adjust your behavior as a result. You obviously wouldn’t treat him like a boyfriend if he was just a trick. You save that kind of attention for someone you know will want and earn it.
    Don’t make the mistake many do and put the cart before the horse. Don’t rush a relationship, or you’ll risk watching it crumble from the weight of too much pressure and too many expectations.
    Do you