The doctor said
something and she turned to look at me. She said one more thing to
the doctor and came over to me. I noticed it immediately, her face
was flushed and her make-up was smeared. I know she would deny it
till the day she died, but my mother had been crying.
“How do you feel, darling?” she asked,
grabbing my hand and kissing it.
“Sore and groggy,” I whispered with a dry
mouth. She grabbed the cup of water and brought the straw to my
lips. I drank the entire thing.
“Where’s the baby?” It was my very first
question.
“It’s being taken care of,” she said, placing
the cup on the counter and grabbing my hand again.
“I want to see her.”
She shook her head no. “That’s not a good
idea.”
“Mother….please. I want to see her.”
She sighed. I could see her battling
something internal.
“All right,” she conceded.
They brought over a wheelchair and we made
our way to the ICU unit.
I saw the tiniest baby I had ever seen in my
life. She was on all these machines that looked painful, but she
was sleeping.
“Is she going to be okay?”
“She’s in the best hands possible. She will
be fine,” she calmly stated.
I have no idea what happened next, but my
emotions got the best of me, and I broke down crying. I didn’t care
that “The Madam” was standing next to me. I felt my mother’s hand
on my back, soothing and comforting me. I cried for what felt like
hours, when finally my mother crouched down in front of me and
grabbed the sides of my face.
“Listen to me; I will only say this once.
Lilith Veronica Stone, none of this is your fault. The baby will be
fine and she will be adopted into a family that will love and
cherish her. You were meant for greater things. Children are not in
your future.”
“What?” I sobbed.
“They had to perform a hysterectomy and
remove your uterus, there was too much damage and bleeding. It was
the only way you would survive. They did what they had to do to
save you,” she explained and I immediately bawled my eyes out.
She placed her forehead on mine. “Do not let
this be the end of you. Do you understand me?” she whispered.
I nodded and let my tears flow. My mother
permitted me to cry that day. She held me the entire day and
comforted me the only way she knew how.
I cried for everything…
For my past…
For my present…
And most of all.
For my future…
<>-<>-<>-<>
Two weeks later and we were on a private
plane ride home. My mother insisted that I stay until I was 110%
better. Physically I was fine; emotionally I was a hot mess. The
doctors said it was perfectly normal to be hormonal and it would be
a few months before it would go away. I did the best I could with
holding it all in. My mother would permit weakness once, but never
twice; she didn’t have to tell me to know that.
After three months, my hormonal imbalance had
not changed, although, the painkillers helped. “The Madam” had
requested my presence in her office; I took two painkillers before
knocking on her door.
“Lilith, I have a treat for you. Would you
like to see it?” she goaded.
“Sure,” I replied. She pulled out a mock
invitation for my eighteenth birthday.
“The newest member of VIP, Lilith Veronica
Stone” read the first line.
“Coming out eighteenth birthday party” was
the second.
“It’s nice mother,” I replied, faking a
smile.
She roughly grabbed the invitation from my
hands and ripped it in half.
“This,” She stated, pointing at me with her
index finger and roared, “is fucking over.”
“I think I have permitted this to go on long
enough, don’t you think, Lilith?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking
about.”
She cocked her head to the side. “Oh
really…lie to me one more time, Lilith, and see what happens,” she
threatened in a mocking tone.
“What are you going to do, Madam? Sell my
first born…” I retorted; see, I had lost my shit.
She laughed, “Wow, Lilith…those painkillers
make you all
something and she turned to look at me. She said one more thing to
the doctor and came over to me. I noticed it immediately, her face
was flushed and her make-up was smeared. I know she would deny it
till the day she died, but my mother had been crying.
“How do you feel, darling?” she asked,
grabbing my hand and kissing it.
“Sore and groggy,” I whispered with a dry
mouth. She grabbed the cup of water and brought the straw to my
lips. I drank the entire thing.
“Where’s the baby?” It was my very first
question.
“It’s being taken care of,” she said, placing
the cup on the counter and grabbing my hand again.
“I want to see her.”
She shook her head no. “That’s not a good
idea.”
“Mother….please. I want to see her.”
She sighed. I could see her battling
something internal.
“All right,” she conceded.
They brought over a wheelchair and we made
our way to the ICU unit.
I saw the tiniest baby I had ever seen in my
life. She was on all these machines that looked painful, but she
was sleeping.
“Is she going to be okay?”
“She’s in the best hands possible. She will
be fine,” she calmly stated.
I have no idea what happened next, but my
emotions got the best of me, and I broke down crying. I didn’t care
that “The Madam” was standing next to me. I felt my mother’s hand
on my back, soothing and comforting me. I cried for what felt like
hours, when finally my mother crouched down in front of me and
grabbed the sides of my face.
“Listen to me; I will only say this once.
Lilith Veronica Stone, none of this is your fault. The baby will be
fine and she will be adopted into a family that will love and
cherish her. You were meant for greater things. Children are not in
your future.”
“What?” I sobbed.
“They had to perform a hysterectomy and
remove your uterus, there was too much damage and bleeding. It was
the only way you would survive. They did what they had to do to
save you,” she explained and I immediately bawled my eyes out.
She placed her forehead on mine. “Do not let
this be the end of you. Do you understand me?” she whispered.
I nodded and let my tears flow. My mother
permitted me to cry that day. She held me the entire day and
comforted me the only way she knew how.
I cried for everything…
For my past…
For my present…
And most of all.
For my future…
<>-<>-<>-<>
Two weeks later and we were on a private
plane ride home. My mother insisted that I stay until I was 110%
better. Physically I was fine; emotionally I was a hot mess. The
doctors said it was perfectly normal to be hormonal and it would be
a few months before it would go away. I did the best I could with
holding it all in. My mother would permit weakness once, but never
twice; she didn’t have to tell me to know that.
After three months, my hormonal imbalance had
not changed, although, the painkillers helped. “The Madam” had
requested my presence in her office; I took two painkillers before
knocking on her door.
“Lilith, I have a treat for you. Would you
like to see it?” she goaded.
“Sure,” I replied. She pulled out a mock
invitation for my eighteenth birthday.
“The newest member of VIP, Lilith Veronica
Stone” read the first line.
“Coming out eighteenth birthday party” was
the second.
“It’s nice mother,” I replied, faking a
smile.
She roughly grabbed the invitation from my
hands and ripped it in half.
“This,” She stated, pointing at me with her
index finger and roared, “is fucking over.”
“I think I have permitted this to go on long
enough, don’t you think, Lilith?”
“I have no idea what you’re talking
about.”
She cocked her head to the side. “Oh
really…lie to me one more time, Lilith, and see what happens,” she
threatened in a mocking tone.
“What are you going to do, Madam? Sell my
first born…” I retorted; see, I had lost my shit.
She laughed, “Wow, Lilith…those painkillers
make you all
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