Read Online The Life and Death of Sophie Stark by Anna North - Free Book Online
Authors: Anna North
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end of high school was coming together. I felt famous and important; I felt like Sophie’s ambassador.
I was in my dorm room, not out filming, when Daniel’s girlfriend came to see me. CeCe was tiny and honey-blond, and everybody said she was the hottest girl in school, but to me her face looked prematurely old, like she was a mom with a lot of worries already. I offered her a seat and a Coke—I was learning to be polite and generous in my fame—but she said no to both. My roommate was out; I sat in my desk chair, and CeCe leaned against the desk. She looked down at me like she was kind of annoyed that circumstances had forced us to interact.
“You need to keep your sister away from my boyfriend,” she said.
“Why don’t you talk to her?” I asked.
“I did,” said CeCe. “She doesn’t listen. She just looks at me like she’s retarded or something.”
“Sophie’s not retarded,” I said.
Actually, Sophie had been IQ-tested in fourth grade, because shecouldn’t or wouldn’t answer questions in class. She’d done so badly that she was briefly placed in special ed and put back in the mainstream class only after the first math test, on which she’d not only scored perfectly but also drawn a series of geometric diagrams she wasn’t supposed to learn about for another four years. Later, when I asked her about the IQ test, she said, “They tell you stories that don’t make sense and ask you questions where the answer could be anything. It scared me. I just decided not to say anything.”
“Whatever she is,” CeCe said, “she doesn’t have the right to keep following us around like this.”
“Daniel hasn’t said anything,” I said.
I actually had no idea how Daniel felt about the movie. For all I knew, he liked being the center of attention—I’d like it, I thought, if my sister decided to make a movie about me.
“Of course he wouldn’t,” she said. “He’d never admit how much it bothers them.”
She was digging her fingernails into the flesh of her arms. It looked like she did it a lot; the skin there was covered with little scabs. I wasn’t sure why she was so upset. I didn’t know why Daniel’s friends were mad either, now that I thought about it. I didn’t really care. Sophie and I didn’t need to suck up to people. The life I’d dreamed about for us was starting, I could feel it.
“Look,” I told CeCe, “you’re not his mom. If he has a problem with it, he can talk to Sophie. You don’t have to do it for him.”
She leaned closer to me. She smelled like vanilla perfume and something I couldn’t place, something metallic.
“You don’t get it,” she said. “Everyone just wants to take and take and take from Daniel. They see how great he is, and they just want to take advantage.”
“And you’re so different?” I asked. “You’re not enjoying being with the most popular guy in school, having everyone jealous of you?”
I thought she’d yell, but instead she got really quiet.
“You think I don’t know what goes on?” she asked. “I know he fucks other girls. I know that when I go home to see my brothers and sisters, he’s got freshman chicks with big tits coming in and out of his room all weekend. And I put up with all that because I know he needs me to. He needs me to support him and let him be who he is and not try to control him, so that’s what I do. Who else would be there for him every day like that, unconditionally, no matter how much he hurts them?”
I felt like I got her then. I’d gone to school with girls like her, girls with big families who had to take care of other people all the time and who got hard from it instead of soft. I remembered when Todd Hayward had sex with Ashley Lindstrom’s little sister and then broke up with her the next day—Ashley caught Todd by the lockers and left bloody scratch marks all down his face and arms, like some kind of tiger. I could see that hardness in CeCe. She’d gotten out of her hometown and come
I was in my dorm room, not out filming, when Daniel’s girlfriend came to see me. CeCe was tiny and honey-blond, and everybody said she was the hottest girl in school, but to me her face looked prematurely old, like she was a mom with a lot of worries already. I offered her a seat and a Coke—I was learning to be polite and generous in my fame—but she said no to both. My roommate was out; I sat in my desk chair, and CeCe leaned against the desk. She looked down at me like she was kind of annoyed that circumstances had forced us to interact.
“You need to keep your sister away from my boyfriend,” she said.
“Why don’t you talk to her?” I asked.
“I did,” said CeCe. “She doesn’t listen. She just looks at me like she’s retarded or something.”
“Sophie’s not retarded,” I said.
Actually, Sophie had been IQ-tested in fourth grade, because shecouldn’t or wouldn’t answer questions in class. She’d done so badly that she was briefly placed in special ed and put back in the mainstream class only after the first math test, on which she’d not only scored perfectly but also drawn a series of geometric diagrams she wasn’t supposed to learn about for another four years. Later, when I asked her about the IQ test, she said, “They tell you stories that don’t make sense and ask you questions where the answer could be anything. It scared me. I just decided not to say anything.”
“Whatever she is,” CeCe said, “she doesn’t have the right to keep following us around like this.”
“Daniel hasn’t said anything,” I said.
I actually had no idea how Daniel felt about the movie. For all I knew, he liked being the center of attention—I’d like it, I thought, if my sister decided to make a movie about me.
“Of course he wouldn’t,” she said. “He’d never admit how much it bothers them.”
She was digging her fingernails into the flesh of her arms. It looked like she did it a lot; the skin there was covered with little scabs. I wasn’t sure why she was so upset. I didn’t know why Daniel’s friends were mad either, now that I thought about it. I didn’t really care. Sophie and I didn’t need to suck up to people. The life I’d dreamed about for us was starting, I could feel it.
“Look,” I told CeCe, “you’re not his mom. If he has a problem with it, he can talk to Sophie. You don’t have to do it for him.”
She leaned closer to me. She smelled like vanilla perfume and something I couldn’t place, something metallic.
“You don’t get it,” she said. “Everyone just wants to take and take and take from Daniel. They see how great he is, and they just want to take advantage.”
“And you’re so different?” I asked. “You’re not enjoying being with the most popular guy in school, having everyone jealous of you?”
I thought she’d yell, but instead she got really quiet.
“You think I don’t know what goes on?” she asked. “I know he fucks other girls. I know that when I go home to see my brothers and sisters, he’s got freshman chicks with big tits coming in and out of his room all weekend. And I put up with all that because I know he needs me to. He needs me to support him and let him be who he is and not try to control him, so that’s what I do. Who else would be there for him every day like that, unconditionally, no matter how much he hurts them?”
I felt like I got her then. I’d gone to school with girls like her, girls with big families who had to take care of other people all the time and who got hard from it instead of soft. I remembered when Todd Hayward had sex with Ashley Lindstrom’s little sister and then broke up with her the next day—Ashley caught Todd by the lockers and left bloody scratch marks all down his face and arms, like some kind of tiger. I could see that hardness in CeCe. She’d gotten out of her hometown and come
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