The Last Single Girl
ugly or smelly or short or something really unattractive. What's wrong with him?"
    "Well…" I racked my brain trying to give her an answer she'd accept. "He just got out of a relationship a few months ago."
    "You told me about that. The stupid ex-girlfriend who was looking to be part of a power couple." Jane waved her hand as if I'd brought up something insignificant. "What else could it be? You're just not attracted to him?"
    "I…That is, John is…" I tried to put words around it, around John, but all I could come up with were positives. "He's thirty or thirty-one. About three inches taller than me. He has all this hair. It just does whatever it wants. I'm betting his admin was in charge of reminding him to cut it. He runs his hands through it and it just stands on end. Of course he doesn't smell funny. He smells like lemon. Probably because of work. There's nothing wrong with him. It's just…"
    "What?"
    "He's John." As soon as the words left my mouth I panicked. "Oh my gosh. He's John."
    All the hairs on my arm stood up as heat rushed over my skin. Jane must have seen the panic because she poured me a third glass of wine.
    "Jane. How could you do this to me?"
    "Sarah…"
    "Don't Sarah me. How am I going to face him? Everything was fine until you pointed this out. What if I'm falling in love with him?" I sucked in a breath. "Oh no. I think he's dating someone."
    "What? How can he be dating someone? You never mentioned that."
    "It didn't matter thirty seconds ago!"
    Did she not understand what she'd done?
    "Okay. Back up. What makes you think he's dating someone?"
    "When I asked him about online dating, he said he'd rather try the old-fashioned way first. And, lately he's been out back on the phone or his laptop whenever I come in. Just in the last few weeks."
    "That doesn't mean he's dating someone."
    "He also made a crack about needing Date Five's email brushing me off in case he ever didn't show up for a date."
    "Still, that could have just been a joke."
    "And he talks to someone on the phone he calls sweetheart. Who the heck is this sweetheart chick?" My voice jumped up another octave and Dahlia looked at me like I was a confusing new toy. "Plus, through all this, he's never asked me out. And he knows how desperate I am for someone to go to the New Year's thing with. That would have been a perfect chance. But he didn't suggest it. And he said he has to close early New Year's. He must already have plans."
    "Oh. Well, that stinks."
    " Jane. " What was I going to do? How was I going to go back in there and face him with all these swirly feelings? This was a disaster. And when she started coming in for all those dinners by the fire and working or reading while he closed up, how was I going to stick around for that? And Abby had only insulted me once this week. That was progress. I was going to lose it all. There was no way I was going to watch him get serious with someone.
    "Come on. You said he wasn't your type. Too soft. And all that hair."
    "I like his hair." Oh no. I like his hair. I was doomed. Doomed.
    I pictured cool autumn nights, walking from the gym after work to the cozy chairs by the fire. Ordering in different meals. Or maybe occasionally trying to cook something and testing it out on him. Games and books and conversation and coffee. Bringing my work I'd do at home and tucking myself into a corner. All of it centered around John.
    It sounded delightful.
    I was more than doomed. I was whatever came after doomed.
    I needed a romance time machine to get rid of this epiphany. Or maybe just more wine. I laid my head on my arms and tried to think of anything but John.
    "Here." Jane opened a new bottle and filled my glass.
    What were best friends for?

THIRTEEN
    DATING TRUTH #8: When faced with the man of your dreams, the only thing to do is play it cool. Or at least play dumb.
     
     
    I SUCKED IN A deep, cold breath before pushing my way into The Brew Ha Ha.
    Everything would be fine. Everything would be the same.

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