my neighbour had piled in the basket on the hall table. There was nothing spectacular: magazines, bills, an invitation to a croquet party, and a postcard from Kevin with a picture of the Jokhang Temple in Lhasa and a note: “The Tibetans used to believe this country was connected to heaven by a rope. Today the clouds are low and the mountains seem to scrape the sky. Heaven feels close.” Suspecting that in the days ahead I might need a reminder that heaven was close, I dropped the postcard into my bag.
After I’d soaked the hanging baskets and turned the sprinklers on the flower beds, I called the lawn service I’d hired for the summer. Their phone had been disconnected. I started calling Angus’s friends, found someone with a younger brother who was desperate for money, and hired him sight unseen. Having put my house in order, I went upstairs to troll my closet for a dress suitable for a funeral.
I read once that Pat Nixon never hit the sack without first pressing and repairing every outfit she’d worn during the day. The image of her sewing on a button while Dick scowled and lusted had stuck with me, but I was never impressed enough to emulate her. That morning I wished I had. The only lightweight black dress I owned looked as if I’d slept in it. I hauled out the ironing board, plugged in the steam iron, and began.
Fired by the axiom that when you feel bad you should look good, I had called from the lake and made an appointment to have my hair cut. It had been a rough week and I wanted to get away from everything, to be submerged, if only for two hours, in the warm bath of a female culture where the largest questions were whether my eyebrows should be waxed or if my roots needed touching up.
Five minutes after I walked through the doors of Head to Toe, I knew that the answer to both questions was yes, but help was at hand. Business was brisk that Saturday morning – an entire bridal party, including, by some cosmic joke, not only the bride’s mother, but also the woman who had replaced her as the main squeeze of the bride’s father. My hairstylist, Chantelle, and I agreed the situation had definite French-farce potential. After my roots were covered, I chose the newest of the glossy magazines, settled into my chair, and waited for the pleasures of a drama in which I would play no role whatsoever.
As always, I left Head to Toe grateful that I was part of the female mystery. Chantelle had decided I needed to go shorter and lighter, and the results were pleasing. I’d pored over all the recipes in the glossy magazine and reached the Zen conclusion that henceforth I would read recipes for the pleasure they brought me in the moment rather than for any hope of reaching future perfection. And – icing on my metaphorical cake – the bride’s mother and her replacement had come face to face and ended up trading stories about what a cheap son of a bitch the bride’s father was. Molière would have been licking his chops.
The good times continued. When I went home to change, my neighbour Lynn Chapman was waiting at my front door, offering an apology, an explanation, and an invitation to lunch. Lynn and her family had just come back from a holiday in Quebec. They hadn’t realized my lawn service had gone belly up, but they had now placed themselves on alert, and if I was interested in a tuna-salad sandwich and a glass of iced tea, they would continue to apologize until I forgave them for letting my grass reach a state where it required life-support.
After I’d dressed, my freshly ironed dress revealed upper arms that weren’t bad for a woman of fifty-five. As I drove over to the cathedral for the funeral, I thought it was possible I’d make it to the end of the day.
I was early, but parking was already a problem. The sky was cloudless and the temperature soaring – a perfect day to get out of the city – but half an hour before the funeral Mass, the streets around the cathedral were choked. The first
After I’d soaked the hanging baskets and turned the sprinklers on the flower beds, I called the lawn service I’d hired for the summer. Their phone had been disconnected. I started calling Angus’s friends, found someone with a younger brother who was desperate for money, and hired him sight unseen. Having put my house in order, I went upstairs to troll my closet for a dress suitable for a funeral.
I read once that Pat Nixon never hit the sack without first pressing and repairing every outfit she’d worn during the day. The image of her sewing on a button while Dick scowled and lusted had stuck with me, but I was never impressed enough to emulate her. That morning I wished I had. The only lightweight black dress I owned looked as if I’d slept in it. I hauled out the ironing board, plugged in the steam iron, and began.
Fired by the axiom that when you feel bad you should look good, I had called from the lake and made an appointment to have my hair cut. It had been a rough week and I wanted to get away from everything, to be submerged, if only for two hours, in the warm bath of a female culture where the largest questions were whether my eyebrows should be waxed or if my roots needed touching up.
Five minutes after I walked through the doors of Head to Toe, I knew that the answer to both questions was yes, but help was at hand. Business was brisk that Saturday morning – an entire bridal party, including, by some cosmic joke, not only the bride’s mother, but also the woman who had replaced her as the main squeeze of the bride’s father. My hairstylist, Chantelle, and I agreed the situation had definite French-farce potential. After my roots were covered, I chose the newest of the glossy magazines, settled into my chair, and waited for the pleasures of a drama in which I would play no role whatsoever.
As always, I left Head to Toe grateful that I was part of the female mystery. Chantelle had decided I needed to go shorter and lighter, and the results were pleasing. I’d pored over all the recipes in the glossy magazine and reached the Zen conclusion that henceforth I would read recipes for the pleasure they brought me in the moment rather than for any hope of reaching future perfection. And – icing on my metaphorical cake – the bride’s mother and her replacement had come face to face and ended up trading stories about what a cheap son of a bitch the bride’s father was. Molière would have been licking his chops.
The good times continued. When I went home to change, my neighbour Lynn Chapman was waiting at my front door, offering an apology, an explanation, and an invitation to lunch. Lynn and her family had just come back from a holiday in Quebec. They hadn’t realized my lawn service had gone belly up, but they had now placed themselves on alert, and if I was interested in a tuna-salad sandwich and a glass of iced tea, they would continue to apologize until I forgave them for letting my grass reach a state where it required life-support.
After I’d dressed, my freshly ironed dress revealed upper arms that weren’t bad for a woman of fifty-five. As I drove over to the cathedral for the funeral, I thought it was possible I’d make it to the end of the day.
I was early, but parking was already a problem. The sky was cloudless and the temperature soaring – a perfect day to get out of the city – but half an hour before the funeral Mass, the streets around the cathedral were choked. The first
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