Read Online The Last Continent by Terry Pratchett - Free Book Online Page B

rich food on an empty stomach, so don’t you try to stop me!”
    “Stop you?” said the kangaroo. “When you’re heading in the right direction?”
    Rincewind tried to slow down, but his method of running was very efficiently based on the idea that stopping was the last thing he’d do. Legs still moving, he ran out over the empty air and plunged into the void.
    The kangaroo looked down and, with a certain amount of satisfaction, wrinkled its nose.

    “Archchancellor!”
    Ridcully awoke, and sat up. The Lecturer in Recent Runes was hurrying up, out of breath.
    “The Bursar and I went for a walk along the beach,” he said. “And can you guess where we ended up?”
    “In Kiddling Street, Quirm,” said Ridcully tartly, brushing an exploring beetle off his beard. “That little bit by the teashop, with the trees in it.”
    “That’s astonishing, Archchancellor. Because, you know, in fact, we didn’t . We wound up back here. We’re on a tiny island. Were you having a rest?”
    “A few moments’ cogitating,” said Ridcully. “Any idea where we are yet, Mister Stibbons?”
    Ponder looked up from his notebook. “I won’t be able to work that out precisely until sundown, sir. But I think we’re pretty close to the Rim.”
    “And I think we found where the Professor of Cruel and Unusual Geography has been camping,” said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. He rummaged in a deep pocket. “There was a camp, and a fireplace. Bamboo furniture and whatnot. Socks on a washing line. And this.”
    He pulled out the remains of a small notebook. It was standard UU issue. Ridcully would never let anyone have a new one until they’d filled up every page on both sides.
    “It was just lying there,” said the Lecturer in Recent Runes. “I’m afraid ants have been eating it.”
    Ridcully flicked it open and read the first page. “‘Some interesting observations on Mono Island,’” he said. “‘A most singular place.’”
    He flicked through the rest of the book. “Just a list of plants and fishes,” he said. “Doesn’t look all that special to me , but then I ain’t a geography man. Why’s he callin’ it Mono Island?”
    “It means One Island,” said Ponder.
    “Well, you’ve just told me it is one island,” said Ridcully. “Anyway, I can see several more out there. Severe lack of imagination, I suggest.” He tucked the notebook into his robe. “Right, then. No sign of the chap himself?”
    “Strangely, no.”
    “Probably went swimming and was eaten by a pineapple,” said Ridcully. “How’s the Librarian doing, Mister Stibbons? Comfortable, is he?”
    “You should know, sir,” said Ponder. “You’ve been sitting on him for three-quarters of an hour.”
    Ridcully looked down at the deckchair. It was covered with red fur. “This is—?”
    “Yes, sir.”
    “I thought perhaps our geography man had brought it with him.”
    “Not, er, with the black toenails, sir.”
    Ridcully peered further. “Should I get up, do you think?”
    “Well, he is a deckchair, sir. So being sat on is a perfectly normal activity for him, I suppose.”
    “We must find a cure, Stibbons. This is too strange—”
    “Coo-ee, gentlemen!”
    There was activity in front of the window. It centered around a vision in pink, although admittedly the sort of vision associated with the more erratic kind of hallucinogen.
    In theory there is no dignified way for a lady of a certain age to climb through a window, but nevertheless this one was attempting it. In fact she moved with more than dignity, which is something that is given away free with kings and bishops; what she had was respectability, which is homemade out of cast iron. However, at some point she would have to show a bit of ankle, and she was wedged awkwardly on the sill while trying to prevent this from happening.
    The Senior Wrangler coughed. If he had been wearing a tie he would have straightened it.
    “Ah,” said Ridcully. “The inestimable Mrs. Whitlow. Someone go