Read Online The Keeper by Rosanne Hawke - Free Book Online Page B

himself—’
    â€˜God?’
    â€˜Yeah. Said God loves us—’
    I snort. ‘God doesn’t love me. I get it wrong all the time.’
    â€˜This guy said God loves us no matter what we’ve done. The other guys laughed at that – him believing in God and still ending up inside, but he was the only one I could count on in there. Guess you can change in jail.’
    â€˜What changed?’
    â€˜That when I got out I wanted to mean something to someone, to be more than one of a herd – I wanted to make a difference.’
    It’s getting dark and I stare up at Dev’s shape against the evening sky. Something’s welling up inside me begging to be said, but how can it? What if Zoe talks Gran around and I can’t see Dev any more? Dev’s already made a difference. Can’t he see that? But if Gran says I can’t – I mean, Gran’s like a mum. How far will I have to go to keep Dev? Surely I won’t have to choose? Not between Dev and Gran?

16
    I want to stay with Dev in the boatshed but he’s adamant. ‘They’ll be worried, mate. This is one thing you have to face. Hear them out. They might have good reason to be scared.’
    I’m extra thoughtful on the way home through the reserve. Scared, Dev had said. I haven’t noticed it before but all that ‘stranger danger’ stuff of Gran’s, is it because she’s frightened? And what of?
    Dev’s right about the scared stuff. As soon as I reach the back door, Zoe’s voice is calling Gran. ‘He’s here. It’s okay.’ Gran puts down the phone as I come into the kitchen. I stand there, watching them both, and for once Gran doesn’t say anything. It puts a different light on things when you know there’s a reason. I may as well just ask.
    â€˜So, what’s going on?’ Perhaps I look calmer than I feel for they take me seriously. After a few looks at each other that would win awards in a spy film, Gran sits at the table and pulls out a chair for me. Zoe puts the kettle on. She looks a little pinched round the mouth and her eyes are puffy. I suppose it’s due to me. Hardest thing saying sorry. ‘Umm – about before – I didn’t mean all that. I was mad, that’s all.’ Zoe manages a bit of a smile, looks relieved even. This ‘sorry’ stuff really works.
    â€˜Joel, there are some things I haven’t told you.’ Gran glances at Zoe again. Zoe’s nod is slight but I catch the movement of it. It makes me annoyed that she’s in so thick with Gran. ‘Zoe’s all right, Joel. She wants the best for you, like I do. But there’s someone who doesn’t.’ Here it comes. They’re not going to start in on Dev, are they? ‘Cos if they are I’m ready.
    â€˜When you were little a man kidnapped you.’ Gran pauses. ‘He hurt you badly. He needed money. When he was caught he was put in jail. You were given to me by your mother to keep you safe – she didn’t know at that time how the courts would rule, when he would get out, if he’d try again, or try to get custody of you.’
    So it’s true. ‘My father?’
    Gran nods. She’s none too happy. Her mouth’s all droopy and there are more little lines I’ve never noticed before.
    â€˜Why didn’t my mother look after me?’
    â€˜She was involved with drugs. Same as your father, Joel. The courts could have taken you away and put you in foster care and then none of us would have had you. I wanted you to stay in this family. So your grandad and I adopted you. That’s why your name is Billings.’
    â€˜I thought it was because my mother wasn’t married or something.’
    â€˜No. And legally I am your mother.’ I smile at that. A lady as old as Gran my real mum.
    â€˜But you’re my real gran too?’
    â€˜Yes.’ She seems troubled all of a sudden,