himselfââ
âGod?â
âYeah. Said God loves usââ
I snort. âGod doesnât love me. I get it wrong all the time.â
âThis guy said God loves us no matter what weâve done. The other guys laughed at that â him believing in God and still ending up inside, but he was the only one I could count on in there. Guess you can change in jail.â
âWhat changed?â
âThat when I got out I wanted to mean something to someone, to be more than one of a herd â I wanted to make a difference.â
Itâs getting dark and I stare up at Devâs shape against the evening sky. Somethingâs welling up inside me begging to be said, but how can it? What if Zoe talks Gran around and I canât see Dev any more? Devâs already made a difference. Canât he see that? But if Gran says I canât â I mean, Granâs like a mum. How far will I have to go to keep Dev? Surely I wonât have to choose? Not between Dev and Gran?
16
I want to stay with Dev in the boatshed but heâs adamant. âTheyâll be worried, mate. This is one thing you have to face. Hear them out. They might have good reason to be scared.â
Iâm extra thoughtful on the way home through the reserve. Scared, Dev had said. I havenât noticed it before but all that âstranger dangerâ stuff of Granâs, is it because sheâs frightened? And what of?
Devâs right about the scared stuff. As soon as I reach the back door, Zoeâs voice is calling Gran. âHeâs here. Itâs okay.â Gran puts down the phone as I come into the kitchen. I stand there, watching them both, and for once Gran doesnât say anything. It puts a different light on things when you know thereâs a reason. I may as well just ask.
âSo, whatâs going on?â Perhaps I look calmer than I feel for they take me seriously. After a few looks at each other that would win awards in a spy film, Gran sits at the table and pulls out a chair for me. Zoe puts the kettle on. She looks a little pinched round the mouth and her eyes are puffy. I suppose itâs due to me. Hardest thing saying sorry. âUmm â about before â I didnât mean all that. I was mad, thatâs all.â Zoe manages a bit of a smile, looks relieved even. This âsorryâ stuff really works.
âJoel, there are some things I havenât told you.â Gran glances at Zoe again. Zoeâs nod is slight but I catch the movement of it. It makes me annoyed that sheâs in so thick with Gran. âZoeâs all right, Joel. She wants the best for you, like I do. But thereâs someone who doesnât.â Here it comes. Theyâre not going to start in on Dev, are they? âCos if they are Iâm ready.
âWhen you were little a man kidnapped you.â Gran pauses. âHe hurt you badly. He needed money. When he was caught he was put in jail. You were given to me by your mother to keep you safe â she didnât know at that time how the courts would rule, when he would get out, if heâd try again, or try to get custody of you.â
So itâs true. âMy father?â
Gran nods. Sheâs none too happy. Her mouthâs all droopy and there are more little lines Iâve never noticed before.
âWhy didnât my mother look after me?â
âShe was involved with drugs. Same as your father, Joel. The courts could have taken you away and put you in foster care and then none of us would have had you. I wanted you to stay in this family. So your grandad and I adopted you. Thatâs why your name is Billings.â
âI thought it was because my mother wasnât married or something.â
âNo. And legally I am your mother.â I smile at that. A lady as old as Gran my real mum.
âBut youâre my real gran too?â
âYes.â She seems troubled all of a sudden,
Joan Smith
Alycia Taylor
Myrna Mackenzie
G.E. Mason
Chandler Baker
Richard Kurti
Sandy Raven
Scott Hildreth
Adrianne Byrd
Melissa Foster