Read Online The Journal of Best Practices by David Finch - Free Book Online Page B

my head and scribbling in a notebook. I suppose he thought I should be attending his weekly department meeting, but I had something more important to do: Howard works methodically through his anecdotes and uses interruptions by others to his advantage. Pacing and flexibility = critical .
    Then I expanded my range. I studied David Letterman, Oprah Winfrey, Regis Philbin. Emulating these talk-show celebrities may sound corny, but these people made conversing look so easy on their shows. These were the leading experts. These were the people from whom I needed to learn.
    Because I’m typically on the fringe of a discussion, nodding my head and praying for it to be over, or at least for it to be my turn to talk about something, I am completely fascinated by those who can do it with ease. Watching a great conversationalist in action is, to me, as captivating and entertaining as watching top athletes or ballroom dancers. Great conversationalists engage with their entire bodies. They supplement their words with calculated, expressive eye contact. They don’t judge the people they’re talking to, but rather encourage honest and open discourse. Great conversationalists ask questions that motivate others to keep speaking, rather than questions that can be answered with a terminating yes or no. When it comes to personal questions, they know the difference between those that are relevant and those that seem creepy and intrusive; they avoid the latter. If they aren’t intrinsically interested in a person or a topic, they don’t turn around and walk away midsentence like I do. They feign interest, and they do it convincingly: “Now, was this the first time your mother had ever been to Duluth?” They finish their sentences, and they know when to move on. In other words, they do everything I don’t.
    Conversation involves reciprocity and timing—neither of which comes naturally to me. So I absorbed the patterns that emerged between my new role models and their celebrity guests. I learned to integrate the rhythms and the melodies of their voices. And then I’d try out the patterns with various people throughout my day.
    I was Regis discussing a recent bus accident with Kristen: “You know, I was watching the news earlier this morning, the coverage of the bus collision, and I have to tell you . . . sometimes tragedy strikes and you wonder how something like this could happen to so many innocent people. My thoughts and prayers are certainly with the victims and their families.” Prompting Kristen’s “What on earth are you talking about?”
    I was Howard getting to the bottom of a coworker’s love life: “Now, let me back up for just a second, if I may. You said—because we’ve talked about this in the past, and I think it’s an important point, in the sense that . . . you say you need to feel loved by women. Would you say this is true? In other words, you feel as though you need a woman to be interested in you . Am I right about this? So, when did you start to sense that your girlfriend was interested in you sexually? And I’ll tell you why I’m asking . . .” Prompting, “Dude, seriously?”
    I was Oprah giving a lecture on digital audio topics to an audience of technology directors and engineering managers: “We’re talking today about digital audio technology, a topic which is at the forefront of today’s consumer landscape. It’s in our cars, it’s in our phones, it’s in our fire alarms . . . people, and yet, many of us don’t realize just how many formats are available. Well, today, we’re having a discussion about where some of these audio formats came from, and what we can expect . . . in the not-too-distant future. Let’s take a look.” This, for some reason, prompted a request for a bathroom break and my boss’s quiet recommendation that I tone it down and act more normal.
    I was Letterman being overly affable and playfully condescending at a summertime picnic with Kristen’s entire family: “Oh, my