Read Online The Iris Fan by Laura Joh Rowland - Free Book Online
Authors: Laura Joh Rowland
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hadn’t thought about the future. She couldn’t bear to be separated from him, and if they couldn’t marry, all was lost.
“Taeko?” whispered Masahiro, kneeling outside the chamber on the other side of the paper wall.
“What are you doing here?” Taeko whispered, glad to have him near her yet afraid Umeko would catch them.
“I wanted to tell you, I’m sorry for what happened.” Masahiro expelled a mournful breath. “I shouldn’t have started this.”
“It’s not your fault. I wanted it as much as you did.” This was such a bold, unfeminine thing to say, Taeko’s face burned.
“But I’m older. I should have kept things under control.”
Glum silence stretched between them. Taeko whispered, “What are we going to do?”
“I’ll think of something.” But Masahiro sounded as forlorn as she felt.
Taeko thought of the times when matchmakers had brought proposals from clans that wanted to wed their daughters to Masahiro. Each time she’d prayed that the marriage would fall through. Each time one had, she’d secretly rejoiced, but now she was scared.
“You won’t marry someone else, will you?” Her voice came out loud and shrill.
“Shh! Don’t worry. It’s like I said: Nobody else wants me.”
“But if somebody did…?”
“I’ll never marry anybody but you.” Masahiro spoke with impatience and tenderness.
Hearing him say it pleased Taeko but didn’t relieve her fear. She knew how much he loved, respected, and felt a duty toward his parents. If a match were arranged for him, would he be able to say no? “We should run away and get married!”
He shifted position; she sensed his surprise. “You mean, leave Edo?”
“Why not?” Taeko hurried to justify the drastic action. “Our families will never let us be together. It’s the only way.”
“What about my post?”
Unhappy because he sounded so reluctant, Taeko said, “You’re just a patrol guard. That’s nothing to give up.”
“Nothing except my honor!” The heat of his anger burned through the paper wall. “If I leave the shogun’s service, I’ll be a deserter and a r ō nin .”
Taeko had heard about Bushido all her life, but she didn’t understand why Masahiro and his father cared so much about it, when it only seemed to get them in trouble. She’d heard Reiko and Sano arguing about it. Their arguments frightened Taeko. With her father gone and her mother often cross and mean, she looked to Sano and Reiko as parents. If they couldn’t get along, there was no security. It frightened her that now she and Masahiro were arguing about the same thing.
“What’s so bad about being a masterless samurai?” Taeko thought it couldn’t be worse than being poor and looked down on. “At least you can do what you want.”
“It’s the biggest disgrace there is! Besides that, what would we live on?”
“You could teach martial arts, like your father did before he got into the government.”
“That would be a giant step backward for our family!”
“Maybe I could sell my paintings.” Taeko had always loved painting. She painted even though her mother told her it wasn’t for girls. Her work looked as good as many of the paintings in the shops. To be an artist was her cherished dream.
To be Masahiro’s wife was her most urgent wish.
“Oh, sure,” Masahiro said flatly. “We’d starve.” Although he’d admired her paintings, he obviously didn’t think they were worth much. “And don’t you see, if we ran away, we’d be dropping out of the samurai class? We’d never see our families again.”
Taeko hadn’t thought that far. The idea of never seeing her mother, brother, or sister again was disturbing, but she said, “We would have each other.”
His robes rustled as Masahiro stirred uncomfortably. Desperate, Taeko said, “I thought you loved me.” It seemed that there were limitations to his love.
“I do.” Masahiro sounded more impatient than passionate.
“Then let’s run away together and
“Taeko?” whispered Masahiro, kneeling outside the chamber on the other side of the paper wall.
“What are you doing here?” Taeko whispered, glad to have him near her yet afraid Umeko would catch them.
“I wanted to tell you, I’m sorry for what happened.” Masahiro expelled a mournful breath. “I shouldn’t have started this.”
“It’s not your fault. I wanted it as much as you did.” This was such a bold, unfeminine thing to say, Taeko’s face burned.
“But I’m older. I should have kept things under control.”
Glum silence stretched between them. Taeko whispered, “What are we going to do?”
“I’ll think of something.” But Masahiro sounded as forlorn as she felt.
Taeko thought of the times when matchmakers had brought proposals from clans that wanted to wed their daughters to Masahiro. Each time she’d prayed that the marriage would fall through. Each time one had, she’d secretly rejoiced, but now she was scared.
“You won’t marry someone else, will you?” Her voice came out loud and shrill.
“Shh! Don’t worry. It’s like I said: Nobody else wants me.”
“But if somebody did…?”
“I’ll never marry anybody but you.” Masahiro spoke with impatience and tenderness.
Hearing him say it pleased Taeko but didn’t relieve her fear. She knew how much he loved, respected, and felt a duty toward his parents. If a match were arranged for him, would he be able to say no? “We should run away and get married!”
He shifted position; she sensed his surprise. “You mean, leave Edo?”
“Why not?” Taeko hurried to justify the drastic action. “Our families will never let us be together. It’s the only way.”
“What about my post?”
Unhappy because he sounded so reluctant, Taeko said, “You’re just a patrol guard. That’s nothing to give up.”
“Nothing except my honor!” The heat of his anger burned through the paper wall. “If I leave the shogun’s service, I’ll be a deserter and a r ō nin .”
Taeko had heard about Bushido all her life, but she didn’t understand why Masahiro and his father cared so much about it, when it only seemed to get them in trouble. She’d heard Reiko and Sano arguing about it. Their arguments frightened Taeko. With her father gone and her mother often cross and mean, she looked to Sano and Reiko as parents. If they couldn’t get along, there was no security. It frightened her that now she and Masahiro were arguing about the same thing.
“What’s so bad about being a masterless samurai?” Taeko thought it couldn’t be worse than being poor and looked down on. “At least you can do what you want.”
“It’s the biggest disgrace there is! Besides that, what would we live on?”
“You could teach martial arts, like your father did before he got into the government.”
“That would be a giant step backward for our family!”
“Maybe I could sell my paintings.” Taeko had always loved painting. She painted even though her mother told her it wasn’t for girls. Her work looked as good as many of the paintings in the shops. To be an artist was her cherished dream.
To be Masahiro’s wife was her most urgent wish.
“Oh, sure,” Masahiro said flatly. “We’d starve.” Although he’d admired her paintings, he obviously didn’t think they were worth much. “And don’t you see, if we ran away, we’d be dropping out of the samurai class? We’d never see our families again.”
Taeko hadn’t thought that far. The idea of never seeing her mother, brother, or sister again was disturbing, but she said, “We would have each other.”
His robes rustled as Masahiro stirred uncomfortably. Desperate, Taeko said, “I thought you loved me.” It seemed that there were limitations to his love.
“I do.” Masahiro sounded more impatient than passionate.
“Then let’s run away together and
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