to pick up what a normal person ignores. You've forgotten what happened, haven't you? The drink again, is it?”
“Perhaps.”
“It involves Carina. Ring any bells?”
“Yes,” I say, keen for him to not dwell on it, to not become angry. “I remember now.”
“I've always wanted to know your take on the whole affair.”
“Affair?”
“You know what I mean,” he snaps. “This party, tonight, it's brought it all up for me again. I want to know how you feel about her role in what happened.”
“It isn't really any of my business James.”
“We are Intimates,” he says, as if hissing some meaningful password at me. “Which means that everything that's happened between her and I is your business. You are pretending to have forgotten; let me remind you.” The book is back on the shelf now, and I can't help but look away from his confrontational pose. To my glass, to the floor. To anywhere.
“A few years after university she and I fell out of touch. It was very strange, as we were so close in our youth. I called round her house one night, rather late, though she had been a little unclear about whether or not she would be in. A man was there. Fine, I thought, she is enjoying the company of a friend.” I feel myself straighten up.
“She knew that I might be coming over that night Vincent, which is what was so strange. And when she answered the door – I admit I had been drinking a little – she expressed extreme surprise at seeing me there. ‘I telephoned earlier,' I said. ‘Do you not remember? We agreed it would be lovely to meet up again. They were your words.' ‘Oh, of course,' she said, smiling gaily. ‘I remember.'And then I went inside and there, by the fireplace, was this swarthy Latino man, you know the type she attracts. Antoine, or something. ‘Good evening James,' he says, mocking me, you know. ‘What is this?' I ask her. She looks embarrassed. Pretends to be caught in the act. I storm outside, not knowing whether to stay and clock him or to pull her outside to get to the bottom of it. And she follows me into the drive. ‘Carina,' I plead. ‘You know how I feel about you. How I've always felt about you. I'm in love with you, and that's never going to the change. If you've invited your little toy boy over to tease me then you are not the woman I thought you were.'
“‘It's not that,' she said, suddenly becoming articulate for the first time in years. ‘You know I'm fond of you James, but you have always just been a dear friend of mine. I would never have invited Antoine here to embarrass you. I just wasn't aware that you were definitely coming over, that's all.'
“‘Embarrass me?' I answered. I was flinching at this point. ‘Embarrass me ? It's you who should be embarrassed, playing these sick little games. You've strung me along for years and I've crawled around on the ground after you like some love-sick puppet. Because that is what I have been, love sick.'
“‘Please James,' she said. ‘Please calm down, come in for a drink.'
“‘For a drink? With your disgusting little man toy? You really are a repulsive little creature,' I said, and I leapt back into the car.”
“You had an accident that night, didn't you James,” I say, trying to hurry him before he gets even more emotional.
“That's an understatement, my boy. A real understatement. I was angry, out of my mind. You can imagine. She'd pushed me to my limit, and then nudged me off the edge. ‘Come in for a drink?' Can you imagine the neck of that woman?” I try to remain looking passive.
“Yes, I'd had a drink, but it was the anger that did it. I was a man who'd lost his grip. We all have limits, Vincent. I sped into the night, and three minutes later came off a sharp corner, obscured by poplar trees. Boom, straight off the cliff. Then I got this,” he flips his hands up at his eyes. “And was faced with staring into a grey tunnel for eternity.”
The sound of music from the drawing room reaches my ears
“Perhaps.”
“It involves Carina. Ring any bells?”
“Yes,” I say, keen for him to not dwell on it, to not become angry. “I remember now.”
“I've always wanted to know your take on the whole affair.”
“Affair?”
“You know what I mean,” he snaps. “This party, tonight, it's brought it all up for me again. I want to know how you feel about her role in what happened.”
“It isn't really any of my business James.”
“We are Intimates,” he says, as if hissing some meaningful password at me. “Which means that everything that's happened between her and I is your business. You are pretending to have forgotten; let me remind you.” The book is back on the shelf now, and I can't help but look away from his confrontational pose. To my glass, to the floor. To anywhere.
“A few years after university she and I fell out of touch. It was very strange, as we were so close in our youth. I called round her house one night, rather late, though she had been a little unclear about whether or not she would be in. A man was there. Fine, I thought, she is enjoying the company of a friend.” I feel myself straighten up.
“She knew that I might be coming over that night Vincent, which is what was so strange. And when she answered the door – I admit I had been drinking a little – she expressed extreme surprise at seeing me there. ‘I telephoned earlier,' I said. ‘Do you not remember? We agreed it would be lovely to meet up again. They were your words.' ‘Oh, of course,' she said, smiling gaily. ‘I remember.'And then I went inside and there, by the fireplace, was this swarthy Latino man, you know the type she attracts. Antoine, or something. ‘Good evening James,' he says, mocking me, you know. ‘What is this?' I ask her. She looks embarrassed. Pretends to be caught in the act. I storm outside, not knowing whether to stay and clock him or to pull her outside to get to the bottom of it. And she follows me into the drive. ‘Carina,' I plead. ‘You know how I feel about you. How I've always felt about you. I'm in love with you, and that's never going to the change. If you've invited your little toy boy over to tease me then you are not the woman I thought you were.'
“‘It's not that,' she said, suddenly becoming articulate for the first time in years. ‘You know I'm fond of you James, but you have always just been a dear friend of mine. I would never have invited Antoine here to embarrass you. I just wasn't aware that you were definitely coming over, that's all.'
“‘Embarrass me?' I answered. I was flinching at this point. ‘Embarrass me ? It's you who should be embarrassed, playing these sick little games. You've strung me along for years and I've crawled around on the ground after you like some love-sick puppet. Because that is what I have been, love sick.'
“‘Please James,' she said. ‘Please calm down, come in for a drink.'
“‘For a drink? With your disgusting little man toy? You really are a repulsive little creature,' I said, and I leapt back into the car.”
“You had an accident that night, didn't you James,” I say, trying to hurry him before he gets even more emotional.
“That's an understatement, my boy. A real understatement. I was angry, out of my mind. You can imagine. She'd pushed me to my limit, and then nudged me off the edge. ‘Come in for a drink?' Can you imagine the neck of that woman?” I try to remain looking passive.
“Yes, I'd had a drink, but it was the anger that did it. I was a man who'd lost his grip. We all have limits, Vincent. I sped into the night, and three minutes later came off a sharp corner, obscured by poplar trees. Boom, straight off the cliff. Then I got this,” he flips his hands up at his eyes. “And was faced with staring into a grey tunnel for eternity.”
The sound of music from the drawing room reaches my ears
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