about Natalie, her absent sister. Then she glanced at her mother, happily forking massive sirloin steaks on to
her precious plates. Ellie may have managed to escape her own drug-fuelled hell. But to Kaz’s mind she was still playing the same game.
Kaz sat in her childhood bedroom and stared at the new pink walls. They were loud, screaming pink, only the curtains were worse. A selection of gonks and cuddly toys that
she’d never seen before were lined up on the windowsill. The duvet cover had a pink frilly border all the way round and the bed was piled high with furry cushions. It was the kind of girly
boudoir that might’ve delighted a ten-year-old. Kaz reflected that she was probably about that age when Terry first started making moves on her and her mother checked out.
The door opened a crack and Joey popped his head in.
‘You all right?’
Kaz glared at him. ‘No. Ten o’clock, that’s my curfew at the hostel. How the fuck am I s’pose to get back for that?’
Joey shrugged. ‘You come to see your family. Anyway, ain’t like you to worry about stuff like that. You used to bunk off school all the time and stick two fingers up at the social
when they come round.’
Kaz stared at him in disbelief.
‘I’m not a schoolkid any more. Twelve years Joey. I got twelve years ’cause that bloke at the garage that you whacked in the head ended up in a wheelchair.’
Joey scowled, stepped into the room and closed the door.
‘Yeah well, it was his own fault. He should’ve handed over the cash. I mean, what was his problem, he only worked there. And anyway twelve don’t mean twelve, does it?
It’s only really six.’
Kaz got up, hands on hips and faced him. ‘Yeah six inside, six on licence. Break the licence, you get recalled. Banged up straight away, no discussion. So for the next six years of my life
I ain’t gonna be sticking two fingers up at no one.’
A look of contrition spread across Joey’s features. ‘Babes I’m sorry. I dunno, I didn’t think about the time.’ He sighed. ‘I just wanted you to come home. See
how things are now.’
‘See what exactly? Him? The shedloads of stuff you’ve got Mum?’
Joey sat down on the bed. He fixed her with an intense, mesmerizing gaze. This had always been the thing with Joey: the look. It was hard not to be drawn in. He put her in mind of a little boy,
innocent, appealing, as he struggled to find the right words.
‘Listen, when you went down, I was completely gutted. Twelve fucking years – I mean, it was like a bullet.’ He put two fingers up to his temple and pulled the trigger.
‘And I know . . . well, I know it should’ve been me, not you. I was running round like a blue-arsed fly, doing completely mental stuff.’
Kaz exhaled, plonked down on the bed next to him. ‘Think we both were mate.’
‘Part of me wanted to turn meself in. Then the old man got hold of me. Well . . . you don’t need me to spell out how that went.’
Kaz shook her head sympathetically.
‘When he’d finished beating the shit out of me he said you knew the score, you’d never grass. And there was no point both of us going down. But it was my job to take care of
things while you was away. That was my part of the deal.’
Kaz shifted uncomfortably. ‘Joe, a lot’s changed in six years. I’m not the same person. I’m not out of my box on crack, for a start.’
Joey seized her hand. ‘I ain’t the same either. I mean I know I muck about. But even back then I started to do some thinking. I mean proper thinking. Took me a while, but I got me
head straight. Bunking off school, getting wasted – why did we do all that?’
‘To escape all this?’
‘Yeah well I started to think, at school they was on at us all the time to read books. Okay, I thought, I’ll read some fucking books, see what all the fuss is about. I was amazed,
it’s all out there once you start looking. And on the Net you can find out about anything. I never took an exam in my
her precious plates. Ellie may have managed to escape her own drug-fuelled hell. But to Kaz’s mind she was still playing the same game.
Kaz sat in her childhood bedroom and stared at the new pink walls. They were loud, screaming pink, only the curtains were worse. A selection of gonks and cuddly toys that
she’d never seen before were lined up on the windowsill. The duvet cover had a pink frilly border all the way round and the bed was piled high with furry cushions. It was the kind of girly
boudoir that might’ve delighted a ten-year-old. Kaz reflected that she was probably about that age when Terry first started making moves on her and her mother checked out.
The door opened a crack and Joey popped his head in.
‘You all right?’
Kaz glared at him. ‘No. Ten o’clock, that’s my curfew at the hostel. How the fuck am I s’pose to get back for that?’
Joey shrugged. ‘You come to see your family. Anyway, ain’t like you to worry about stuff like that. You used to bunk off school all the time and stick two fingers up at the social
when they come round.’
Kaz stared at him in disbelief.
‘I’m not a schoolkid any more. Twelve years Joey. I got twelve years ’cause that bloke at the garage that you whacked in the head ended up in a wheelchair.’
Joey scowled, stepped into the room and closed the door.
‘Yeah well, it was his own fault. He should’ve handed over the cash. I mean, what was his problem, he only worked there. And anyway twelve don’t mean twelve, does it?
It’s only really six.’
Kaz got up, hands on hips and faced him. ‘Yeah six inside, six on licence. Break the licence, you get recalled. Banged up straight away, no discussion. So for the next six years of my life
I ain’t gonna be sticking two fingers up at no one.’
A look of contrition spread across Joey’s features. ‘Babes I’m sorry. I dunno, I didn’t think about the time.’ He sighed. ‘I just wanted you to come home. See
how things are now.’
‘See what exactly? Him? The shedloads of stuff you’ve got Mum?’
Joey sat down on the bed. He fixed her with an intense, mesmerizing gaze. This had always been the thing with Joey: the look. It was hard not to be drawn in. He put her in mind of a little boy,
innocent, appealing, as he struggled to find the right words.
‘Listen, when you went down, I was completely gutted. Twelve fucking years – I mean, it was like a bullet.’ He put two fingers up to his temple and pulled the trigger.
‘And I know . . . well, I know it should’ve been me, not you. I was running round like a blue-arsed fly, doing completely mental stuff.’
Kaz exhaled, plonked down on the bed next to him. ‘Think we both were mate.’
‘Part of me wanted to turn meself in. Then the old man got hold of me. Well . . . you don’t need me to spell out how that went.’
Kaz shook her head sympathetically.
‘When he’d finished beating the shit out of me he said you knew the score, you’d never grass. And there was no point both of us going down. But it was my job to take care of
things while you was away. That was my part of the deal.’
Kaz shifted uncomfortably. ‘Joe, a lot’s changed in six years. I’m not the same person. I’m not out of my box on crack, for a start.’
Joey seized her hand. ‘I ain’t the same either. I mean I know I muck about. But even back then I started to do some thinking. I mean proper thinking. Took me a while, but I got me
head straight. Bunking off school, getting wasted – why did we do all that?’
‘To escape all this?’
‘Yeah well I started to think, at school they was on at us all the time to read books. Okay, I thought, I’ll read some fucking books, see what all the fuss is about. I was amazed,
it’s all out there once you start looking. And on the Net you can find out about anything. I never took an exam in my
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