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Authors: Katy Moran
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road, Joe changed gear. His hands were tanned from working outside, dusted with fine golden hairs. “No, I mean what happened at school? Why did you pass out?”
Oh, God. Was it actually possible to go any redder? I looked down at the Tippex stain on my navy school skirt. “I don’t know. I fainted, I suppose. Nothing Mum needs to know about, OK? I’m on special report already.” Being a juvenile delinquent was actually kind of embarrassing now I was sitting there in the van with Joe. I didn’t feel like some kind of cool rebel then. I felt small and stupid.
He laughed, then, for the first time. “Why?”
I was almost too humiliated to tell him. “We went on a school trip and I took a bottle of whisky. This girl got really ill, Lucy Bentley. It was bad. She got in tons of trouble with her parents, and I was suspended. Seriously, Joe, Mum really doesn’t need to know about today. She was close to not going to this funeral, but she’s named as an executor of the will and I’m supposed to be sitting the entrance exam for – for boarding school.” I couldn’t bring myself to say
Lissy’s old school
. I gazed out of the window. “My dad’s going to go crazy when he finds out I got sent home instead. “He’s convinced himself that going away to some prison camp will make me less of a screw-up.”
Joe pulled over into a lay-by to let a tractor past, his eyes fixed on the narrow lane ahead. “Right. Throwing some money at the problem.”
“I’m a
problem
?” Was that really how everyone saw me? A pain in the neck, like a broken boiler.
Joe laughed. “Come on, of course you’re a problem. You’re a bloody nutter.” He hauled the van out into the road again. “You look rough,” he went on. “Maybe just get some rest.”
I shook my head. “I really don’t want to go to sleep. I really don’t.” And the words were out before I had time to reconsider: “Joe, I keep having these bizarre dreams. All the time. It’s scaring me, OK? Seriously.” I stopped short of telling him about the boy. He was my secret. Just for me.
Joe shot me a funny look then, like he was sizing me up. “Don’t be daft. You do look really knackered and stressed. No wonder you’re having weird dreams. Don’t worry about this exam thing. You passed out in school – it’s not like you did it on purpose. Your dad can’t exactly blame you for that.”
“No way, he’s gong to think I did it on purpose to get out of the exam. He knows I don’t want to change schools.” I squeezed my eyes shut. There wasn’t a whole lot Dad could do to me – Elena wouldn’t allow me to cross the threshold of their fancy apartment in London, and Mum knew that it was pointless to try grounding me when I could just let myself out of the house in the middle of the night. But even so, Dad in a rage was always horrendous. It was the way he didn’t even raise his voice. The way he was so
disappointed
.
“Don’t worry about it, Con. What can he do?”
I wondered if that was just Joe’s way of telling me he didn’t want to know. The headache was getting worse every moment and I leaned back in the seat, resting my head against the window. Why had I even thought that he would in any way understand? How could he? I was obviously just doomed to make a complete idiot of myself every time I saw him. I should have cut my losses and shut up. Suddenly, I just couldn’t shake the need to talk about it. To talk about my sister with someone else who’d actually known her, even though mentioning her name to Joe would always be a mistake.
He fell in love with Lissy
, Rafe had told me.
He took it really hard when she died
.
“It’s Lissy.” I turned my head, pretending not to look at him. The first time I’d spoken her name in six years, and it was like spitting out a stone, cold and alien. “I keep dreaming about Lissy.” I’d done it – I’d finally said her name, and it felt like jumping off a huge rock, tumbling to the sea far
Oh, God. Was it actually possible to go any redder? I looked down at the Tippex stain on my navy school skirt. “I don’t know. I fainted, I suppose. Nothing Mum needs to know about, OK? I’m on special report already.” Being a juvenile delinquent was actually kind of embarrassing now I was sitting there in the van with Joe. I didn’t feel like some kind of cool rebel then. I felt small and stupid.
He laughed, then, for the first time. “Why?”
I was almost too humiliated to tell him. “We went on a school trip and I took a bottle of whisky. This girl got really ill, Lucy Bentley. It was bad. She got in tons of trouble with her parents, and I was suspended. Seriously, Joe, Mum really doesn’t need to know about today. She was close to not going to this funeral, but she’s named as an executor of the will and I’m supposed to be sitting the entrance exam for – for boarding school.” I couldn’t bring myself to say
Lissy’s old school
. I gazed out of the window. “My dad’s going to go crazy when he finds out I got sent home instead. “He’s convinced himself that going away to some prison camp will make me less of a screw-up.”
Joe pulled over into a lay-by to let a tractor past, his eyes fixed on the narrow lane ahead. “Right. Throwing some money at the problem.”
“I’m a
problem
?” Was that really how everyone saw me? A pain in the neck, like a broken boiler.
Joe laughed. “Come on, of course you’re a problem. You’re a bloody nutter.” He hauled the van out into the road again. “You look rough,” he went on. “Maybe just get some rest.”
I shook my head. “I really don’t want to go to sleep. I really don’t.” And the words were out before I had time to reconsider: “Joe, I keep having these bizarre dreams. All the time. It’s scaring me, OK? Seriously.” I stopped short of telling him about the boy. He was my secret. Just for me.
Joe shot me a funny look then, like he was sizing me up. “Don’t be daft. You do look really knackered and stressed. No wonder you’re having weird dreams. Don’t worry about this exam thing. You passed out in school – it’s not like you did it on purpose. Your dad can’t exactly blame you for that.”
“No way, he’s gong to think I did it on purpose to get out of the exam. He knows I don’t want to change schools.” I squeezed my eyes shut. There wasn’t a whole lot Dad could do to me – Elena wouldn’t allow me to cross the threshold of their fancy apartment in London, and Mum knew that it was pointless to try grounding me when I could just let myself out of the house in the middle of the night. But even so, Dad in a rage was always horrendous. It was the way he didn’t even raise his voice. The way he was so
disappointed
.
“Don’t worry about it, Con. What can he do?”
I wondered if that was just Joe’s way of telling me he didn’t want to know. The headache was getting worse every moment and I leaned back in the seat, resting my head against the window. Why had I even thought that he would in any way understand? How could he? I was obviously just doomed to make a complete idiot of myself every time I saw him. I should have cut my losses and shut up. Suddenly, I just couldn’t shake the need to talk about it. To talk about my sister with someone else who’d actually known her, even though mentioning her name to Joe would always be a mistake.
He fell in love with Lissy
, Rafe had told me.
He took it really hard when she died
.
“It’s Lissy.” I turned my head, pretending not to look at him. The first time I’d spoken her name in six years, and it was like spitting out a stone, cold and alien. “I keep dreaming about Lissy.” I’d done it – I’d finally said her name, and it felt like jumping off a huge rock, tumbling to the sea far
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