Read Online The Hidden Gifts of the Introverted Child by Marti Olsen Laney Psy.d. - Free Book Online Page A

definition, means being assertive, proactive, venturesome, and free of doubt. Anyone who bucks that trend is suspect. Just think about how many jabs were thrown at the children’s television icon, the late Fred Rogers. “Mister Rogers” was often made the butt of jokes for being too feminine, too nice, or a homosexual (which he wasn’t), when in fact his only “crime” was serving as a wonderful role model of a caring, compassionate man.
Research indicates that introverted girls are described as gentle, quiet, and thoughtful. Boys with the exact same qualities are described as weak, passive, and lazy. If you have a male innie, be sure you are helping him feel confident about his qualities and abilities. Encourage him to participate in activities that take advantage of innie strengths and have some cachet in the extroverted world. For example, suggest that he take lessons in the martial arts, join the photography or science club, or take up a musical instrument. I know one innie who proved to be very popular in high school because he was a fabulous dancer. He was in great demand at parties. Who knows? Your introverted son could grow up to be another Steven Spielberg, Bill Gates, Tiger Woods, or Tobey Maguire (all innies)!
    Many parents, aware that we live in an extroverted world, worry about their introverted children. And the fact is, introversion is devalued in our culture. Extroverted qualities like “the gift of gab” and the ability to “work a room” are prized in contemporary society. We valuedoing, getting out there, speaking up, winning, and achieving. One could argue that the United States was built by people who were go-getters who were able to adapt quickly to new groups and situations. So regardless of what being an introvert means to the individual, a child with that temperament is going to face some cultural bias.
    Sociologists describe the North American cultural ideal as group acceptance, assertiveness, external accomplishment, and success. These standards of being active and “out there” have been integrated into every institution, school system, and virtually every other environment that an introverted child encounters.
    More children at younger ages are spending time in group settings such as preschool and group day care. This is challenging for innies, who do better at home during their early years and adapt more successfully to group settings as they grow older. Many schools don’t allow parents to stay and help their young children ease into the group experience; many parents of introverted children don’t realize that they should stay and help the child adapt. With the huge emphasis on socializing, parents, and sometimes staff, too, think the paramount goal for all kids should be making friends and being popular—even when children are toddlers and preschoolers!
    The extent to which a person fits into his culture inevitably affects his self-esteem. And the bias toward extroversion in American society is not lost on the perceptive innie child. I worked with the parents of a child who attended a prestigious preschool. The school made a sociogram of who played with whom in the class, and showed it to four-year-old Jill’s parents. The director said that the sociogram revealed that Jill generally only played with one other child. They suggested that the parents help her with her lagging social skills. Jill said to her parents, “Miss Terry says that Hannah and I have to play with all the kids. But Hannah is the only other kid who knows about mummies, and she likes to play archaeologist with me. What were we doing wrong?”
    Not all cultures are oriented toward extroverts. Researchers divide societies into “low context” and “high context” cultures. In low context cultures, the ideal is a focus on the external world of reality and tangible details with clear and direct communication preferred. The United States, Germany, and Switzerland are offered as examples of low context cultures.