speech. It won’t do something it knows is wrong, no matter how sorry you’re feeling for yourself, and if you grow too insistent, it might just decide to create a new sun—about six inches from your heart.’
‘I have the rings, Aphrael. I’m still the one giving the orders.’
She laughed at him. ‘Do you really think the rings mean anything, Sparhawk? They have no control over Bhelliom at all. That was just a subterfuge that concealed the fact that it has an awareness—and a will and purpose of its own. It can ignore the rings any time it wants to.’
‘Then why did it need me?’
‘Because you’re a necessity, Sparhawk—like wind or tide or rain. You’re as necessary as Klael is—or Bhelliom—or me, for that matter. Someday we’ll have to come back here and have a long talk about necessity, but we’re a little pressed for time right now.’
‘And was that little virtuoso performance of yours yesterday another necessity as well? Would the world have come to an end if you hadn’t held that public conversation with yourself?’
‘What I did yesterday was useful, Father, not necessary. I am who I am, and I can’t change that. When I’m going through one of these transitions, there are usually people around who know both of the little girls, and they start noticing the similarities. I always make it a point to have the girls meet each other in public. It puts off tiresome questions and lays unwanted suspicions to rest.’
‘You terrified Mmrr, you know.’
She nodded. ‘I’ll make it up to her. That’s always been a problem. Animals can see right through my disguises. They don’t look at us in the way that we look at each other.’
He sighed. ‘What am I going to do, Aphrael?’
‘I was hoping that a visit here would bring you back to your senses. A stopover in reality usually has that effect.’
He looked up at her private, rainbow-colored sky. ‘This is your notion of reality?’
‘Don’t you like my reality?’
‘It’s lovely,’ he told her, absently stroking the white deer’s neck, ‘but it’s a dream.’
‘Are you really sure about that, Sparhawk? Are you so certain that this isn’t reality and that other place isn’t the dream?’
‘Don’t do that. It makes my head hurt. What should I do?’
‘I’d say that your first step ought to be to have a long conversation with Bhelliom. All of your moping around and contemplating arbitrary decisions has it more than a little worried.’
‘All right. Then what?’
‘I haven’t gotten that far yet.’ She grinned at him. ‘I’m a-workin’ on it though, Dorlin’,’ she added.
‘They’re going to be all right, Kalten,’ Sparhawk said, gently laying his hand on his suffering friend’s shoulder.
Kalten looked up, his eyes filled with hopeless misery. ‘Are you sure, Sparhawk?’
‘They will be if we can just keep our heads. Ehlana was in much more danger when I came back from Render, and we took care of that, didn’t we?’
‘I suppose you’re right.’ Kalten straightened up in his chair and jerked down his blue doublet. His face was bleak. ‘I think I’m going to find some people and hurt them,’ he declared.
‘Would you mind if I came along?’
‘You can help if you like.’ Kalten rubbed at the side of his face. ‘I’ve been thinking,’ he said. ‘You know that if you follow those orders in Krager’s note, he’ll be able to keep you plodding from one end of Tamuli to the other for the next year or more, don’t you?’
‘Do I have any choice? They’re going to be watching me.’
‘Let them. Do you remember how we met Berit?’
‘He was a novice in the Chapterhouse in Cimmura,’ Sparhawk shrugged.
‘Not when I first saw him, he wasn’t. I was coming back from exile in Lamorkand, and I stopped at a roadside tavern outside of Cimmura. Berit was there with Kurik, and he was wearing your armor. I’ve known you since we were children, and even I couldn’t tell that he wasn’t you.
‘I have the rings, Aphrael. I’m still the one giving the orders.’
She laughed at him. ‘Do you really think the rings mean anything, Sparhawk? They have no control over Bhelliom at all. That was just a subterfuge that concealed the fact that it has an awareness—and a will and purpose of its own. It can ignore the rings any time it wants to.’
‘Then why did it need me?’
‘Because you’re a necessity, Sparhawk—like wind or tide or rain. You’re as necessary as Klael is—or Bhelliom—or me, for that matter. Someday we’ll have to come back here and have a long talk about necessity, but we’re a little pressed for time right now.’
‘And was that little virtuoso performance of yours yesterday another necessity as well? Would the world have come to an end if you hadn’t held that public conversation with yourself?’
‘What I did yesterday was useful, Father, not necessary. I am who I am, and I can’t change that. When I’m going through one of these transitions, there are usually people around who know both of the little girls, and they start noticing the similarities. I always make it a point to have the girls meet each other in public. It puts off tiresome questions and lays unwanted suspicions to rest.’
‘You terrified Mmrr, you know.’
She nodded. ‘I’ll make it up to her. That’s always been a problem. Animals can see right through my disguises. They don’t look at us in the way that we look at each other.’
He sighed. ‘What am I going to do, Aphrael?’
‘I was hoping that a visit here would bring you back to your senses. A stopover in reality usually has that effect.’
He looked up at her private, rainbow-colored sky. ‘This is your notion of reality?’
‘Don’t you like my reality?’
‘It’s lovely,’ he told her, absently stroking the white deer’s neck, ‘but it’s a dream.’
‘Are you really sure about that, Sparhawk? Are you so certain that this isn’t reality and that other place isn’t the dream?’
‘Don’t do that. It makes my head hurt. What should I do?’
‘I’d say that your first step ought to be to have a long conversation with Bhelliom. All of your moping around and contemplating arbitrary decisions has it more than a little worried.’
‘All right. Then what?’
‘I haven’t gotten that far yet.’ She grinned at him. ‘I’m a-workin’ on it though, Dorlin’,’ she added.
‘They’re going to be all right, Kalten,’ Sparhawk said, gently laying his hand on his suffering friend’s shoulder.
Kalten looked up, his eyes filled with hopeless misery. ‘Are you sure, Sparhawk?’
‘They will be if we can just keep our heads. Ehlana was in much more danger when I came back from Render, and we took care of that, didn’t we?’
‘I suppose you’re right.’ Kalten straightened up in his chair and jerked down his blue doublet. His face was bleak. ‘I think I’m going to find some people and hurt them,’ he declared.
‘Would you mind if I came along?’
‘You can help if you like.’ Kalten rubbed at the side of his face. ‘I’ve been thinking,’ he said. ‘You know that if you follow those orders in Krager’s note, he’ll be able to keep you plodding from one end of Tamuli to the other for the next year or more, don’t you?’
‘Do I have any choice? They’re going to be watching me.’
‘Let them. Do you remember how we met Berit?’
‘He was a novice in the Chapterhouse in Cimmura,’ Sparhawk shrugged.
‘Not when I first saw him, he wasn’t. I was coming back from exile in Lamorkand, and I stopped at a roadside tavern outside of Cimmura. Berit was there with Kurik, and he was wearing your armor. I’ve known you since we were children, and even I couldn’t tell that he wasn’t you.
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