Read Online The Haven: A Novel by Carol Lynch Williams - Free Book Online

dreams, you got an extra bit of Tonic. Why? You needed your sleep.
    If you were dizzy when another Terminal got near you, you had to make sure to down that extra drink. Why? To keep you from spreading germs.
    Tonic was a directive.
    Ask for more if you needed something to settle your stomach.
    Terminals could transfer sickness—don’t get too close. The Tonic builds your immunities from being near someone, especially someone of the opposite gender. Stay away from the opposite gender.
    I slipped out of my clothes and put on pajamas, crumpling the blue jeans I’d worn, then tossing the dirty clothes in the laundry basket. Tomorrow morning, those clothes would be on top of my dresser for me to put away, or hanging in my closet. Who did that? And how did they keep my things separate from everyone else’s?
    I’d never wondered.
    But tonight was different.
    I was different. (Like when Abigail said she was changed?)
    My differences made me creep around at night. Lie awake later than the others. Made me remember what I wanted to forget.
    Tonight I was different because of Gideon’s actions. He had tempted Abigail somehow. And that changed me.
    Tonight, my roommates spoke in whispers. Brahms played. I yawned.
    Why did I give Gideon so much control? Why was I even thinking of him?
    “Drink your Tonic, Shiloh,” I said, looking into the cup.
    The lights dimmed.
    Sure, I thought Gideon’s speech had merit. I wanted Terminals to get better. Not lose parts. Not die. But Gideon was breaking rules. And if we wanted to get free, we had to follow the rules. And his words to me. That he liked to look at me. Something burned in my skin.
    I swirled the Tonic.
    This was why Terminals should stay away from each other. Close association caused anxiety. I could see that. Feel it, too. Whenever I stood side by side with a Terminal, especially a male (which I never did unless it was necessary). When I looked at Gideon. Saw him across the room from me.
    I tilted the Tonic toward my lips, tasted the sweetness.
    “Good night, everyone,” Elizabeth said.
    “Night,” Mary said.
    “I hope you sleep better.” Abigail sat up in her bed, watching me.
    Wait.
    If Gideon was right, and Terminals had to do it themselves, for themselves, should they follow rules?
    “You okay?” Abigail asked. I ignored her.
    “I need to use the restroom,” I said, mumbling. Confused, I went into the hall and down to the lavatory. The little cup bent in my hand. The liquid jiggled with each step.
    The light came on when I walked into the tiled room. I saw myself in the mirror. My eyes looked too big. My hair seemed too wild. There was red on my top lip.
    “Drink it,” I whispered to my reflection.
    I went in a stall. Sat down. Tossed the Tonic back. No! I jumped up, spun around, and spit the whole mouthful into the toilet, flushing the red away. I went to the sink and washed my mouth out, twice.
    Blood rushed to my face.
    “What have I done?” I said. I was crazy! Disobedient! Putting myself at risk!
    “It’s just to see.” I rested my forehead against my image’s forehead.
    Or … or (should I even think it?) this was to find a cure.
    I let out a whimper. “Right.” My voice sounded like I stood in a soup can. “You’re finding a cure in the john.”
    I washed my hands, then splashed cool water on my face.
    “Are you okay, Shiloh?” Abigail slid from the darkened doorway into the light.
    “What are you doing here?” Had she seen me? Did she know what I had done?
    Abigail’s lips trembled. “Just checking on you,” she said. Her voice was quiet. “I didn’t mean to offend.”
    The room smelled like soap. Who kept this place so clean?
    “You do offend, Abigail. I don’t even recognize you,” I said, my mouth taking over. “You won’t let me make the decision. Let me have a choice. You do things without me, never telling me you’re going to.” I pushed past her, hearing the toilet flush again as I went down the hall. Once I was in our