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Authors: Rose Tremain
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wonder. ‘That’s my train! That’s my train!’ he cried. ‘Give it to me, Ludwig.’
Ludwig picked up the train. ‘It’s mine now,’ he said. ‘I found it in the rubbish bin.’
‘Mutti threw it away, not me. I didn’t mean to break it. I was just angry about something. Please let me have it back.’
‘No. You can’t have it.’
‘Please!
Please
, Ludwig!’
Ludwig held the train upside down in the air. If the people in the carriages had been loose and not painted on, they would have fallen out. Then Ludwig stared hard at Gustav. His thin white face seemed suddenly to curdle with a blotchy blush. He put the train down slowly, out of Gustav’s reach.
‘I’ve got a cool idea,’ he said.
‘Give me back my train!’
‘I will if you go along with my idea,’ he said. ‘OK?’
‘No. I don’t know what it is.’
‘Well, it’s cool. You’ll see. Lots of people do it. We did it at the hospital, where they gave me electric shocks. People are doing it all the time.’
‘What?’
‘Here,’ said Ludwig. ‘Feast your eyes on this, little man.’ Then he opened his fly and brought out his penis, which he began stroking.
‘You can have the train
if …
’ he said.
Gustav gaped. ‘If what?’
‘Come here. Touch my prick. Stroke it like this, like I’m doing.’
‘I don’t want to.’
‘You won’t get your train, then. Come on, put your hand here. I’ve told you, it’s the cool thing. We could have fun with it. Nobody would know. And I’m a sex superman! That’s what they called me in the hospital. Just touch me a bit and I’ll come.’
Gustav felt himself go very cold. He looked away from Ludwig to his train, lying on top of the upturned Moses basket. Ludwig, whose face was getting redder, reached out and tugged Gustav roughly towards him. Gustav fell over the rocking horse, bruising his shin. Ludwig had gripped his hand now and was guiding it towards his penis, which had grown longer and larger, but at this moment, Gustav heard the sound of a key in the outer door and he knew that this must be Frau Krams returning at last.
‘
Scheisse!
’ muttered Ludwig, and turned away from Gustav to rub himself more violently. ‘Get out of here! Go to my mother,’ he hissed. ‘Close the door!’
Gustav wanted to grab the train, but he didn’t dare. He left Ludwig’s room and came into the parlour, where the remains of the breakfast were still on the table. Frau Krams had straight away begun clearing these away, but when she saw Gustav, she sat down.
‘Why aren’t you at school?’ she said.
Gustav found that he couldn’t speak. He was shivering. The bruise on his shin sent waves of pain down his leg. ‘How’s Mutti?’ he managed to ask at last.
Frau Krams reached for her handbag, found a cigarette and lit it. Her eyes looked bruised with tiredness. She sighed as she said, ‘It
is
pneumonia, Gustav. As I feared. I stayed all night because it seemed to be touch and go with her, touch and go for a long while. I wanted her to feel that someone was there.’
‘That was very kind of you, Frau Krams. Is she going to come home?’
‘No, pet. Not for a good while. She has to get much stronger before she can come back. So, listen to me. We have to make a plan for you. Do you have a grandma or an auntie you could go and stay with?’
‘No,’ said Gustav.
Frau Krams rubbed her eyes. ‘I suppose I can look after you for a bit,’ she said. ‘We could try to clear Ludwig’s room of some of that junk and put a mattress in there with him.’
Gustav shook his head, no.
‘I don’t blame you,’ said Frau Krams. ‘You don’t want to share a room with watering cans and deckchairs. So tell me, what’s to become of you?’
Solo
Matzlingen,
1951
GUSTAV SAT BESIDE the bathtub, staring at the disinfected water and the soiled sheets. Frau Krams had told him to take them down to the cellar, where the communal washing machine stood in a small concrete space, but he knew that the damp
Ludwig picked up the train. ‘It’s mine now,’ he said. ‘I found it in the rubbish bin.’
‘Mutti threw it away, not me. I didn’t mean to break it. I was just angry about something. Please let me have it back.’
‘No. You can’t have it.’
‘Please!
Please
, Ludwig!’
Ludwig held the train upside down in the air. If the people in the carriages had been loose and not painted on, they would have fallen out. Then Ludwig stared hard at Gustav. His thin white face seemed suddenly to curdle with a blotchy blush. He put the train down slowly, out of Gustav’s reach.
‘I’ve got a cool idea,’ he said.
‘Give me back my train!’
‘I will if you go along with my idea,’ he said. ‘OK?’
‘No. I don’t know what it is.’
‘Well, it’s cool. You’ll see. Lots of people do it. We did it at the hospital, where they gave me electric shocks. People are doing it all the time.’
‘What?’
‘Here,’ said Ludwig. ‘Feast your eyes on this, little man.’ Then he opened his fly and brought out his penis, which he began stroking.
‘You can have the train
if …
’ he said.
Gustav gaped. ‘If what?’
‘Come here. Touch my prick. Stroke it like this, like I’m doing.’
‘I don’t want to.’
‘You won’t get your train, then. Come on, put your hand here. I’ve told you, it’s the cool thing. We could have fun with it. Nobody would know. And I’m a sex superman! That’s what they called me in the hospital. Just touch me a bit and I’ll come.’
Gustav felt himself go very cold. He looked away from Ludwig to his train, lying on top of the upturned Moses basket. Ludwig, whose face was getting redder, reached out and tugged Gustav roughly towards him. Gustav fell over the rocking horse, bruising his shin. Ludwig had gripped his hand now and was guiding it towards his penis, which had grown longer and larger, but at this moment, Gustav heard the sound of a key in the outer door and he knew that this must be Frau Krams returning at last.
‘
Scheisse!
’ muttered Ludwig, and turned away from Gustav to rub himself more violently. ‘Get out of here! Go to my mother,’ he hissed. ‘Close the door!’
Gustav wanted to grab the train, but he didn’t dare. He left Ludwig’s room and came into the parlour, where the remains of the breakfast were still on the table. Frau Krams had straight away begun clearing these away, but when she saw Gustav, she sat down.
‘Why aren’t you at school?’ she said.
Gustav found that he couldn’t speak. He was shivering. The bruise on his shin sent waves of pain down his leg. ‘How’s Mutti?’ he managed to ask at last.
Frau Krams reached for her handbag, found a cigarette and lit it. Her eyes looked bruised with tiredness. She sighed as she said, ‘It
is
pneumonia, Gustav. As I feared. I stayed all night because it seemed to be touch and go with her, touch and go for a long while. I wanted her to feel that someone was there.’
‘That was very kind of you, Frau Krams. Is she going to come home?’
‘No, pet. Not for a good while. She has to get much stronger before she can come back. So, listen to me. We have to make a plan for you. Do you have a grandma or an auntie you could go and stay with?’
‘No,’ said Gustav.
Frau Krams rubbed her eyes. ‘I suppose I can look after you for a bit,’ she said. ‘We could try to clear Ludwig’s room of some of that junk and put a mattress in there with him.’
Gustav shook his head, no.
‘I don’t blame you,’ said Frau Krams. ‘You don’t want to share a room with watering cans and deckchairs. So tell me, what’s to become of you?’
Solo
Matzlingen,
1951
GUSTAV SAT BESIDE the bathtub, staring at the disinfected water and the soiled sheets. Frau Krams had told him to take them down to the cellar, where the communal washing machine stood in a small concrete space, but he knew that the damp
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