achieve anything, but to my amazement and her credit, one week after I heard the voice in my head, Corporal Fletcher rang me. âSir, you're going to get $15,000!â
To a depressed, directionless unemployed ex-student and former soldier the money was an amazing windfall, and the first step on a path that I still didn't know had been chosen for me. Suddenly, I had a cause â that had come to me from nowhere â and some money. I did some research on the internet and found that child prostitution and the selling of children into sexual slavery was a problem far greater than I could have imagined. A third of the world's people trafficking occurs in south-east Asia and Thailand is the biggest player in this illegal industry, mostly because it is at once a source, transit and destination country for trafficking. I decided I would use the money to go to Thailand.
It wasn't an uplifting moment, though. I was still at a very low point in my life and I was borderline suicidal. I had a purpose at last, but I didn't see it as something worth living for. In fact, when I made my arrangements to leave Australia for Asia I thought of myself as embarking on a one-way trip. I had my cash, but it wasn't really enough to live on for an extended period. My plan, such as it was, was to go to Thailand and try to do some good. I imagined that it would be risky, infiltrating a criminal underworld, but that didn't faze me. I fully expected to end up dead in an alley with a bullet in my head. In a way, I was looking forward to it; one way or another I did not expect to be coming back to Australia alive.
I had no high hopes or expectations, nor romantic notions of going down fighting. I planned to do my best and if I died in the process then I would be comforted at the end with the knowledge that at least I had tried to do something meaningful with my life. Death held no fear for me as I just wanted it all over with. I recalled having an operation in hospital during which I'd been knocked out with a general anaesthetic. I'd been completely unconscious; no dreams, nothing, and when I woke up I remembered thinking, âWow, if death is like that, it wouldn't be so badâ. This end to consciousness could have been what I was subconsciously seeking.
It sounds a bit melodramatic, I know, but I think it was more fatalistic, and I think my mindset was a symptom of my depression. I took out a life insurance policy and made out a will in which I left everything to Emma. I saw this venture as a last roll of the dice for me. My one regret about leaving on this mission would be saying goodbye to Emma, and it took me some time to steel myself for that.
I went to see her at Anna's and sat her down on her bed. She tilted her head, raising her little face to look up at me. I felt my heart begin to melt, but I was not about to change my mind. âEmma, Daddy has to go away for a while.â
âFor how long?â she asked.
âI don't know.â I'd told Anna I would be away for six weeks, so she didn't freak out, but I was being far more honest with my daughter.
âWhy are you going away? â
âThere are girls like you in Asia who are suffering, honey. Bad things are happening to them. What I'm going to do is rescue five of those little girls for you.â I had no idea where the figure came from, but I felt quantifying it might make it easier for her to understand, and put a finite limit on this venture, even though I was sure I wasn't coming back.
âI'll miss you, Daddy.â
Emma was the most wonderful child, and she still is to this day. She's beautiful, intelligent, kind, gutsy and quirky, and she seems completely unaffected by being the inspiration for what was to come.
THREE
Thailand
In September 2004 I tidied the last of my affairs and left my car with a mate of mine. âIf I'm not back within three months, sell it and keep the money,â I said, sure that he would never see me again.
I was still
To a depressed, directionless unemployed ex-student and former soldier the money was an amazing windfall, and the first step on a path that I still didn't know had been chosen for me. Suddenly, I had a cause â that had come to me from nowhere â and some money. I did some research on the internet and found that child prostitution and the selling of children into sexual slavery was a problem far greater than I could have imagined. A third of the world's people trafficking occurs in south-east Asia and Thailand is the biggest player in this illegal industry, mostly because it is at once a source, transit and destination country for trafficking. I decided I would use the money to go to Thailand.
It wasn't an uplifting moment, though. I was still at a very low point in my life and I was borderline suicidal. I had a purpose at last, but I didn't see it as something worth living for. In fact, when I made my arrangements to leave Australia for Asia I thought of myself as embarking on a one-way trip. I had my cash, but it wasn't really enough to live on for an extended period. My plan, such as it was, was to go to Thailand and try to do some good. I imagined that it would be risky, infiltrating a criminal underworld, but that didn't faze me. I fully expected to end up dead in an alley with a bullet in my head. In a way, I was looking forward to it; one way or another I did not expect to be coming back to Australia alive.
I had no high hopes or expectations, nor romantic notions of going down fighting. I planned to do my best and if I died in the process then I would be comforted at the end with the knowledge that at least I had tried to do something meaningful with my life. Death held no fear for me as I just wanted it all over with. I recalled having an operation in hospital during which I'd been knocked out with a general anaesthetic. I'd been completely unconscious; no dreams, nothing, and when I woke up I remembered thinking, âWow, if death is like that, it wouldn't be so badâ. This end to consciousness could have been what I was subconsciously seeking.
It sounds a bit melodramatic, I know, but I think it was more fatalistic, and I think my mindset was a symptom of my depression. I took out a life insurance policy and made out a will in which I left everything to Emma. I saw this venture as a last roll of the dice for me. My one regret about leaving on this mission would be saying goodbye to Emma, and it took me some time to steel myself for that.
I went to see her at Anna's and sat her down on her bed. She tilted her head, raising her little face to look up at me. I felt my heart begin to melt, but I was not about to change my mind. âEmma, Daddy has to go away for a while.â
âFor how long?â she asked.
âI don't know.â I'd told Anna I would be away for six weeks, so she didn't freak out, but I was being far more honest with my daughter.
âWhy are you going away? â
âThere are girls like you in Asia who are suffering, honey. Bad things are happening to them. What I'm going to do is rescue five of those little girls for you.â I had no idea where the figure came from, but I felt quantifying it might make it easier for her to understand, and put a finite limit on this venture, even though I was sure I wasn't coming back.
âI'll miss you, Daddy.â
Emma was the most wonderful child, and she still is to this day. She's beautiful, intelligent, kind, gutsy and quirky, and she seems completely unaffected by being the inspiration for what was to come.
THREE
Thailand
In September 2004 I tidied the last of my affairs and left my car with a mate of mine. âIf I'm not back within three months, sell it and keep the money,â I said, sure that he would never see me again.
I was still
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