Read Online The Great Christmas Breakup by Geraldine Fonteroy - Free Book Online

cue, Cecily 2 appeared , preceded by a stream of curse words that left Hammertro enthralled.
    ‘Here I fuckin’ am,’ she yelled, appearing on the landi ng, yanking down her micro mini.
    Cecily 2.
    A whole day and a half day early.
    Uncle Rabbit dropped his hammer and broke his toe at the shock of it all.
    And when Cecily 2 offered to kiss it better, he began clutching at his heart.
    I offered to call an ambulance, and resisted the temptation to ask if he could manage to finish the door before it arrived.

CHAPTER FIVE
     
    Sunday, November 26
     
    ‘ The way to a man’s heart is physical; to a woman’s it is emotional.
    Luckily, these two are eminently compatible. ’
    Jocelyn Priestly.
     
    WAS THE WOMAN ON crack? Carson couldn’t care less about the physical or the emotional. The last time we’d had sex, I caught him reading some work stuff he’d discarded on the bed next to us.
    Wasn’t watching telly or staring at th e ceiling a woman’s prerogative?
    Anyway, Carson’s banishment to the sof a was short- lived thanks to the arrival of Cecily 2.
    It was two a . m . when he came crashing through the door. In the end, J had helped me finish securing the apartment. H aving worked out that longer screws might force the damn thing into t he doorframe and make it more stable , mother and son were proud of the ir joint achievement.
    ‘What is she doing here?’ Carson had whispered, seeing his sister snoring on the couch.
    ‘Enjoying a few days before her work begins. That’s how she put it.’
    Technically, she’d said: ‘Got two days to mooch and enjoy doing nothin’. Howie and Rufus are enough to ma ke a woman wanna get sterilized and go live in a gondolier. ’
    ‘Live in a gondolier?’ I’d asked.
    ‘Oops,’ she’d corrected. ‘The other way around, I guess.’
    Disgusting creature.
    It didn’t seem the time to reveal this to Carson, given that I wasn’t talking to him.
    ‘So where am I supposed to sleep now?’
    ‘Carson , we’ve got bigger problems than you and your slumber status . For example, w hat am I supposed to feed her? Hammertro kindly took her out so I didn’t need to worry tonight , but the relief is going to be short- lived. ’
    Unless – and it was almost too exquisite to hope for – Hammertro got Cecily 2 involved in his nocturnal activities and they both ended up in a police cell for a week or so.
    ‘ Well, w hat were you going to feed us?’
    ‘ Home brand cornflakes without milk because we ’d ru n out , sandwiches and t inned soup and day old bread from the supermarket .’
    ‘Oh.’
    The matri arc h of the Teeson s, the original Cecily, would surely hear about it if her only daughter was fed on such substandard fare.
    Never mind that she fed her own grandchildren s weets of undeterminable origin. What was good for Cecily wasn’t what she expected of others. In other words, her standards were high, except in relation to herself.
    ‘Maybe we can get takeaway? Or do a stir-fry? Get some icecream in and bake a pie. ’
    Who did he think he was conversing with, Nigella flippin’ Lawson?
    ‘With what? I had to use the grocery money to pay for the new door.’
    Carson flinched. ‘You paid money for that ? Next you’ll be telling me the nudie stickers were an optional extra. ’
    The urge to go mental and tell him I was leaving was so tempting that I turned away to calm down. There was Jessie and J to think of.
    ‘So we’ve got no food, I’ve got nowhere to sleep and Mom is going to pester me about our treatment of Cecily2?’
    ‘You got it.’
    On the plus side, she’d been whisked off for a tour of Manhattan by Hammertro, whose eyes had locked onto her bare legs in the micro mini and failed to detach.
    ‘W hen will Cecily 2 wake up, ’ J said, still in his day clothes. ‘My friends want to meet her on Skype.’
    ‘It’s two in the morning,’ I told him. ‘Go to bed.’
    ‘But there’s no school tomorrow,’ he protested. ‘And Cecily 2 is the type to