claimed that he was much more exhausted from the stress of unemployment. He could not sleep well and had little appetite, so needed good, healthy food to build up his strength.
His wife spent all her spare time tutoring children for extra money, only to be criticised by her husband for running herself down. He did not give a thought to how the family was being fed and clothed. Unwilling to spend money on make-up or new clothes for herself, the lecturer never let her husband go without good suits and leather shoes. He was unappreciative of her efforts, and complained instead that his wife was not as well dressed and elegant as before, comparing her unfavourably to attractive younger women. For all his education, he seemed like a peasant anxious to prove his power and position as a man.
The woman’s university colleagues chided her for spoiling her husband. Some of her students also expressed their disapproval. They asked her why she was putting herself through so much for such an unworthy man. The woman replied helplessly, ‘He used to love me very much.’
Jin Shuai was incensed by my story, but recognised that it was a very common situation.
‘I think more than half of all Chinese families are made up of women who are overworked and men who sigh over their unfulfilled ambitions, blaming their wives and throwing tantrums. What’s more, many Chinese men think that saying a few loving words to their wives is beneath their dignity. I just don’t get it. What has happened to the self-respect of a man who can live off a weak woman with an easy conscience?’
‘You are sounding like a feminist,’ I teased her.
‘I’m no feminist – I just haven’t found any real men in China. Tell me, how many women have written to your show to say that they are happy with their men? And how many Chinese men have asked you to read out a letter saying how much they love their wife? Why do Chinese men think that to say the words “I love you” to their wives undermines their status as a man?’
The two men at the next table were pointing at where we were sitting. I wondered what they made of Jin Shuai’s fierce expression.
‘Well, that’s something Western men say because of their culture.’ I made an attempt to defend the fact that I had never received such a letter.
‘What, you think it’s a cultural difference? No, if a man doesn’t have the courage to say those words to the woman he loves before the world, can you call him a man? As far as I’m concerned, there are no men in China.’
I was silent. Faced with a woman’s heart that was young and yet frozen solid, what could I say? But Jin Shuai laughed.
‘My friends say that China has finally come into line with the rest of the world when it comes to our topics of conversation. Since we no longer have to worry about not having enough food or clothes, we discuss the relationship between men and women instead. But I think the subject of men and women is even more complex in China. We have to contend with over fifty ethnic groups, countless political changes and prescriptions for the behaviour, bearing and dress of women. We even have over ten different words for wife.’
For a moment, Jin Shuai looked like a carefree, innocent girl. Her enthusiasm suited her better than the carapace of the PR girl and I liked her better.
‘Hey, Xinran,’ she said, ‘can we talk about all the famous sayings associated with women. For example, “A good woman doesn’t go with a second man.” How many widows in China’s history have not even considered remarrying in order to preserve the reputation of their families? How many women have “emasculated” their female nature for the sake of appearances? Oh, I know “emasculate” isn’t a word used for women, but that’s what it is. There are still women like that now in the countryside. And then there’s the one about the fish . . .’
‘What fish?’ I had never heard this figure of speech and realised I must seem very
His wife spent all her spare time tutoring children for extra money, only to be criticised by her husband for running herself down. He did not give a thought to how the family was being fed and clothed. Unwilling to spend money on make-up or new clothes for herself, the lecturer never let her husband go without good suits and leather shoes. He was unappreciative of her efforts, and complained instead that his wife was not as well dressed and elegant as before, comparing her unfavourably to attractive younger women. For all his education, he seemed like a peasant anxious to prove his power and position as a man.
The woman’s university colleagues chided her for spoiling her husband. Some of her students also expressed their disapproval. They asked her why she was putting herself through so much for such an unworthy man. The woman replied helplessly, ‘He used to love me very much.’
Jin Shuai was incensed by my story, but recognised that it was a very common situation.
‘I think more than half of all Chinese families are made up of women who are overworked and men who sigh over their unfulfilled ambitions, blaming their wives and throwing tantrums. What’s more, many Chinese men think that saying a few loving words to their wives is beneath their dignity. I just don’t get it. What has happened to the self-respect of a man who can live off a weak woman with an easy conscience?’
‘You are sounding like a feminist,’ I teased her.
‘I’m no feminist – I just haven’t found any real men in China. Tell me, how many women have written to your show to say that they are happy with their men? And how many Chinese men have asked you to read out a letter saying how much they love their wife? Why do Chinese men think that to say the words “I love you” to their wives undermines their status as a man?’
The two men at the next table were pointing at where we were sitting. I wondered what they made of Jin Shuai’s fierce expression.
‘Well, that’s something Western men say because of their culture.’ I made an attempt to defend the fact that I had never received such a letter.
‘What, you think it’s a cultural difference? No, if a man doesn’t have the courage to say those words to the woman he loves before the world, can you call him a man? As far as I’m concerned, there are no men in China.’
I was silent. Faced with a woman’s heart that was young and yet frozen solid, what could I say? But Jin Shuai laughed.
‘My friends say that China has finally come into line with the rest of the world when it comes to our topics of conversation. Since we no longer have to worry about not having enough food or clothes, we discuss the relationship between men and women instead. But I think the subject of men and women is even more complex in China. We have to contend with over fifty ethnic groups, countless political changes and prescriptions for the behaviour, bearing and dress of women. We even have over ten different words for wife.’
For a moment, Jin Shuai looked like a carefree, innocent girl. Her enthusiasm suited her better than the carapace of the PR girl and I liked her better.
‘Hey, Xinran,’ she said, ‘can we talk about all the famous sayings associated with women. For example, “A good woman doesn’t go with a second man.” How many widows in China’s history have not even considered remarrying in order to preserve the reputation of their families? How many women have “emasculated” their female nature for the sake of appearances? Oh, I know “emasculate” isn’t a word used for women, but that’s what it is. There are still women like that now in the countryside. And then there’s the one about the fish . . .’
‘What fish?’ I had never heard this figure of speech and realised I must seem very
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