The Global War on Morris

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Authors: Steve Israel
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Pride wine, and a mountainous portion of Murphy’s Original Famous cheesecake. She had ordered the cake because, she reasoned, the night shouldn’t be a total loss.
    He had left her. Left her at Murphy’s, in the company of the imbecile at the bar with the frozen stare. Left her in the midst of a crowd that occasionally turned toward her with sympathetic curiosity. Tears stung her eyes, and she worked to blink them back. I will not cry. Not here. Not all by myself at a table at a restaurant. No way!
    She dug into the cheesecake.
    Asshole , she thought. Every man’s an asshole. It’s just that simple. They either leave you for a slut at the pizza parlor, like Jerry, or they just vanish into thin air, like Ricardo. They’re either good for nothing, or too good to be true. No exceptions. Nothing in- between. Nothing.
    For the first time since her divorce, Victoria D’Amico felt truly, hopelessly alone.
    And not even Murphy’s Original Famous Cheesecake could stop her tears.
    â€œI can’t believe this!” Sully pounded the table.
    I cannot keep doing this. Losing Montoyez. Finding him. Losing him again. I can’t keep up with him with what I have. They want me to bring down a global medical counterfeiting empire with a dozen FDA inspectors trained in the war against trans fats. Armed with beakers and food scales. Gotta get more. More, more, more.
    He planted his elbows on the console, cupped his hands, and cradled his chin. He ran his fingers across his cheeks, and felt the coarse stubble, the result of a dull razor he was too busy or too careless to replace. Deep waves of documents covered the table, lapping toward his torso: multicolored file folders crammed with loose papers, maps of Long Island neighborhoods, and satellite photographs in halftones of gray, sections of newspapers pulled apart and strewn in all directions, and an assortment of light reading including the Guide to Federal Pharmacy Law , Lange Q&A: Pharmacy , Pharmacy Law Digest , and Delmar’s Pharmacy Technician Certification Exam Review . And one massive book, nearly nine inches thick, sagging under its own weight near a corner of the console.
    Sully stretched his arms and struggled to reel it in. It was thicker than a phone book, its pages dog-eared and paper-clipped and decorated with yellow Post-it notes. Its glossy cover bore the official seal of the United States of America.
    It was THE FEDERAL BUDGET: EXECUTIVE SUMMARY.
    He thumbed it open, and the left-side pages fell with a pronounced thud.
    â€œLet’s see,” he whispered contemplatively. “Who has stuff they’re not using? Let’s do some shopping.”
    He flipped through the book. Line item after line item after line item, an infinite scroll of dotted lines and bottom lines, decimals and denominators. Flowcharts with big boxes connecting to smaller boxes connecting to tiny boxes representing the federal food chain.
    His index finger dropped down the pages, lower and lower into the depths of the federal bureaucracy. Until it stopped.
    â€œAhhhh.”
    The Department of the Interior
    Office of the Assistant Secretary for Fish and Wildlife and Parks
    Bureau of Wildlife
    Division of Science & Technology
    Office of Species Management/Protection/Preservation
    Species Management Section
    Office of Surveillance, Assessment, & Analysis
    Sully imagined some poor receptionist in this place, handling the phones: “Good morning. Thank you for calling the Department of the Interior . . . Office of the Assistant Secretary for Fish and Wildlife and Parks . . . Bureau of Wildlife . . . Division of Science and Technology . . . Office of Species Management, Protection, Preservation . . . Species Management Section . . . Office of Surveillance, Assessment, and Analysis. How may I help you?”
    His lips curled into a smile. “Species surveillance!” he marveled. “Man, they gotta

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