Read Online The Girl who Couldn't Come by Joey Comeau - Free Book Online
Authors: Joey Comeau
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when he comes out.
He’s still in his uniform, his security badge yellow under the parking garage lights. He looks good in that uniform. He looks dangerous. I have a bit of a weakness for dangerous-looking men.
I kiss him hello, then in the car I tell him about the customer,and about Wallace. But it’s my birthday and mostly I want to talk about something else.
“What’re we doing tonight?” I say and Clay smiles.
“Tonight, sir, there’s a meteor shower,” he says. “I don’t know if you heard. It’s kind of a big deal. We’re going to go out to the country, where there are no streetlights, and were going to watch the sky fall.” This is Clay’s birthday surprise for me. It’s hard to believe he even remembers the meteor shower. He’s got no interest in anything like this, but I must have gone on about it one too many times, my voice all earnest, waving my hands in the air while I talked.
Clay gets excited about things, too. It’s one of the things I love about him. He gets an idea in his head and it lights him up. There’s not a cynical bone in his body; everything is fun. Everything’s an adventure. It doesn’t matter what the plan is. He has dozens of plans. Let’s go to the movie on Tuesday. Let’s go to China. Let’s learn how to leave no trace at all in the world’s databases and let’s live off the grid. Let’s learn to knife fight. We saw an ad about that. Learn to knife fight using training methods developed for Russian Special Forces. The flyer ended with the ominous, “You don’t win a knife fight. You survive.” There is always more room in our lives for something so deadly serious.
And Clay’s enthusiasm is infectious. Now he’s talking about Wallace again. He wants to come into the store wearing a leather vest. I have no idea where Clay would even find a leather vest. He wants to wear a big fake cop moustache. A disguise. Wallace has never seen him, which makes me feel weird, now that we’ve said it out loud. Clay’s never been into the store. I’ve never been into the casino, either.
“I’ll seem like just any other customer,” Clay says. “Oh this is going to be brilliant,” He’s repeating himself now. This is how you know when he’s really excited. He goes around in circles, and the idea is more exciting to him every time. He wants to get his friends to do it, too. Every queer he knows. Go in and blow Wallace kisses. Pat Wallace’s ass affectionately after he’s been helpful. Ask Wallace for his phone number.
When Clay’s around, I feel like I’m more exciting, too. That’s a good quality to have in a gentleman friend. I come up with plans of my own for us. Let’s try to befriend the squirrels that live in the walls and attic. Let’s go get some candy and stay up all night watching horror movies. Let’s sleep over in a graveyard, so the dead can visit us in our dreams.
I don’t fall in love very easily. It takes a long time and then, when I have fallen in love, I’m still not sure. I’m suspicious of myself. What if tomorrow I don’t feel the same? I have to wait, to be sure. And I wait and wait. I think I might be at that stage with Clay. I’ve been waiting for a while now. I have dreams about telling him.
We drop the car back at the apartment and unlock our bikes. I love biking in the dark. I didn’t think I’d get a chance to see the meteor shower tonight. I thought for sure he’d take me out to dinner or to some movie. Watching a meteor shower is amazing because to the human eye it just looks like dozens of little moving points of light. Thin streaks of light. Except they aren’t. They’re chunks of debris falling to earth. Fast and burning and where do they all come from? I’m not sure. They’re little bits of something else.
Space always makes me think of infinity. The universe just keeps going and going and, when I think about it, it actually feels like my thoughts have to get bigger to understand. And then
He’s still in his uniform, his security badge yellow under the parking garage lights. He looks good in that uniform. He looks dangerous. I have a bit of a weakness for dangerous-looking men.
I kiss him hello, then in the car I tell him about the customer,and about Wallace. But it’s my birthday and mostly I want to talk about something else.
“What’re we doing tonight?” I say and Clay smiles.
“Tonight, sir, there’s a meteor shower,” he says. “I don’t know if you heard. It’s kind of a big deal. We’re going to go out to the country, where there are no streetlights, and were going to watch the sky fall.” This is Clay’s birthday surprise for me. It’s hard to believe he even remembers the meteor shower. He’s got no interest in anything like this, but I must have gone on about it one too many times, my voice all earnest, waving my hands in the air while I talked.
Clay gets excited about things, too. It’s one of the things I love about him. He gets an idea in his head and it lights him up. There’s not a cynical bone in his body; everything is fun. Everything’s an adventure. It doesn’t matter what the plan is. He has dozens of plans. Let’s go to the movie on Tuesday. Let’s go to China. Let’s learn how to leave no trace at all in the world’s databases and let’s live off the grid. Let’s learn to knife fight. We saw an ad about that. Learn to knife fight using training methods developed for Russian Special Forces. The flyer ended with the ominous, “You don’t win a knife fight. You survive.” There is always more room in our lives for something so deadly serious.
And Clay’s enthusiasm is infectious. Now he’s talking about Wallace again. He wants to come into the store wearing a leather vest. I have no idea where Clay would even find a leather vest. He wants to wear a big fake cop moustache. A disguise. Wallace has never seen him, which makes me feel weird, now that we’ve said it out loud. Clay’s never been into the store. I’ve never been into the casino, either.
“I’ll seem like just any other customer,” Clay says. “Oh this is going to be brilliant,” He’s repeating himself now. This is how you know when he’s really excited. He goes around in circles, and the idea is more exciting to him every time. He wants to get his friends to do it, too. Every queer he knows. Go in and blow Wallace kisses. Pat Wallace’s ass affectionately after he’s been helpful. Ask Wallace for his phone number.
When Clay’s around, I feel like I’m more exciting, too. That’s a good quality to have in a gentleman friend. I come up with plans of my own for us. Let’s try to befriend the squirrels that live in the walls and attic. Let’s go get some candy and stay up all night watching horror movies. Let’s sleep over in a graveyard, so the dead can visit us in our dreams.
I don’t fall in love very easily. It takes a long time and then, when I have fallen in love, I’m still not sure. I’m suspicious of myself. What if tomorrow I don’t feel the same? I have to wait, to be sure. And I wait and wait. I think I might be at that stage with Clay. I’ve been waiting for a while now. I have dreams about telling him.
We drop the car back at the apartment and unlock our bikes. I love biking in the dark. I didn’t think I’d get a chance to see the meteor shower tonight. I thought for sure he’d take me out to dinner or to some movie. Watching a meteor shower is amazing because to the human eye it just looks like dozens of little moving points of light. Thin streaks of light. Except they aren’t. They’re chunks of debris falling to earth. Fast and burning and where do they all come from? I’m not sure. They’re little bits of something else.
Space always makes me think of infinity. The universe just keeps going and going and, when I think about it, it actually feels like my thoughts have to get bigger to understand. And then
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