often as he could). After initial awkwardness, they were all talking nicely, and my team discovered that the three newcomers were human beings. I showed a film of the recent national cross-country championship. We had a discussion, and all munched carrot sticks and cracked nuts and drank tea.
It was a pleasant evening, and when the rest moved off at about 8:30, I motioned Joe and the Oregon three to stay.
The five of us sat on alone by the fire, Joe and I in the wing chairs, and the three boys sitting on the rug. I said a few things that had been on my mind.
"You know," I said, "I took you guys on the team in a weak moment. I don't regret it. But the more I think about what's ahead, the more I realize what a hassle it's going to be."
They were all silent.
"First of all, we've got to keep your being gay under wraps for as long as possible. I don't want you coming out on campus, joining the gay lib group or anything like that. Sooner or later, the rumor is going to get around, and we'll deal with it when it does. But let's buy ourselves as much peace and quiet as possible, for now. Is that agreeable?"
They all nodded.
"Another problem. When that rumor gets around, invariably people are going to remember what happened to me at Penn State. Did Billy's father tell you about that?"
"Yeah, he told us the whole story," said Vince.
"Okay," I said. "So I never touched the kid. But the fact is, the suspicion was planted in people's minds. Now, because of John Sive, you kids have become privy to information about me that very few people have. On this campus, for instance, only Joe and Marian know that I'm gay. Not even the other gays know
that I'm gay. So I'm going to keep your secret, and you're going to keep mine. Agreed?"
They nodded. "Agreed," said Jacques softly.
"Because when you kids get forced out in the open, in all likelihood I'm going to be forced out too. That's going to be a painful moment. It might mean the end of my career for good."
There was total comprehension in their young eyes. Joe was lighting a cigarette, and there was comprehension in his eyes too.
"And that's just the human angle of the problem," I said. "Second, we have the athletic angle. I'm sure you know by now that there are conservative people in track who hate runners and coaches that don't conform. It doesn't much matter how they don't conform. The littlest misstep, and whammo."
The boys' eyes met mine squarely as I looked at each of them in turn. They knew what I was talking about, but I knew more than they did.
In amateur atheletics, officialdom has an almost medieval power over the athletes. By "officialdom" I mean the various bodies that govern U. S. athletics. My three boys were presently under control of the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA), which runs college sports. When they graduated, they would pass to the control of the Amateur Athletic Union (AAU), which directs most noncollegiate competition. There are other, smaller bodies, but the AAU is the giant, and controls access to international competition. Finally, there is the 300-member U. S. Olympic Committee, which cooperates with the AAU in selecting and preparing the American Olympic team every four years. These three powerful organizations were going to be the focus of our struggle.
Officialdom does not hesitate to use its power if it feels that an athlete or a coach has stepped out of line. The all-time example is the way the AAU treated Jesse Owens after he won four gold medals for the U.S. in the 1936 Olympics. The AAU wanted to show Owens off in post-Olympic meets in Europe, but Owens said he wanted to go home and see his wife and children— he was overtrained and exhausted. The AAU's reaction
to this human situation was to punish the great athlete by revoking his amateur status, thus barring him from all further competition.
Today, forty years after the Owens tragedy, the power of officialdom is still that strong. In recent years, amateur athletes have
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