Read Online The Flesh Cartel #3: Choices by Heidi Belleau - Free Book Online
Authors: Heidi Belleau
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“I’m afraid not yet. I don’t think it’d do to disturb him.”
Dougie nodded, feeling his eyes well up with tears. At least they didn’t fall. “You’re not . . . you’re not lying to me?”
“In this entire process, has anyone lied to you, Douglas?”
No. Never. They promised cruelty and dehumanization, and I got exactly that.
Nikolai didn’t wait for his reply. Maybe he saw it written on Dougie’s face. “Because we have no reason to lie. Lying to keep you compliant would mean we don’t have the power to gain the same through more direct means. But we do. We have all the power.” Somehow that didn’t sound like a threat, like it could have. Just a statement of fact, as bland as saying the sky was blue. “And my particular authority is knowing with certainty that one day, you’ll come to relish that fact. You will be transformed , Douglas. Elevated above your base instincts into the very best version of yourself.”
Dougie didn’t like the sound of that at all . It sounded nuts. Like shit a cult leader would say. Maybe this was a cult. It certainly was organized, and efficient, and everybody knew their place. Top-down hierarchy.
Was he to be brainwashed, then? Broken and reprogrammed? The thought terrified him even more than all that’d come before. Not my mind not my mind please not my mind—
“Don’t look so frightened, Douglas.” Nikolai stroked his cheek again, but this time, Dougie pulled away. Just an inch, just enough to get Nikolai’s hand off him. Nikolai dropped it back to his own knee, face unchanged. Gentle. Paternal , almost, like his foster dad would look at him sometimes. “It doesn’t have to hurt, I promise.” A small shrug then, a hint of gentle remorse, gentler humor. “It probably will sometimes—growing pains, you understand—but it doesn’t have to. You have a choice about that. You’ll have many choices here. But as I told your brother, you must understand that choices carry consequences. Some good, some bad. Those outcomes are up to you.”
“I choose to go home,” Dougie said. And, feeling brave all of a sudden, added, “And to take Mat with me.”
Nikolai shook his head. “That is the one choice I’m afraid you cannot make. There is no going home, Douglas. There’s nothing to go home to . You and your brother, you’ve fled to Mexico to escape bad debts to dangerous men. The bank is foreclosing on your house. You’ve been expelled from your program. There’s nothing left of that life. It’s harsh, but necessary. You have to let go of who you were to become who you will be. That is your first and most critical lesson in this house. Do you understand?”
Understand? How could he understand that? “No.” Dougie’s hands balled into fists. He wanted so badly to stand, but he was afraid if he tried, he’d just fall again and ruin his last scrap of dignity.
“No, you don’t understand?”
“No. No. Just no. No to everything. No. Can I choose to say no, sir ?”
Nikolai’s nose crinkled ever so slightly at the tone of contempt in that “sir,” but he nodded. “You can.”
“Then no . No, I don’t believe you. No, I won’t listen to you. No, I’m not playing your sick fucking game so you might as well let me go.” Turned out he could stand after all, even if he did have to lean against the bed. “Now. Sir .”
Nikolai rose too, with a sigh. He was half a foot taller than Dougie, looked lean and wiry beneath his tailored suit, like Mat. But Mat had taught Dougie a thing or two; he wasn’t afraid, wouldn’t be intimidated by this man.
Wouldn’t be intimidated by anyone . Not anymore.
“For a moment there,” Nikolai said, the words like a mournful sigh, “I had such high hopes for you. I didn’t want you, you know. You came as baggage with your brother. But I thought I could give you my gifts nonetheless.”
Gifts? Oh Jesus, this man was insane. If this was a cult, he was guzzling the fucking Kool-Aid. Dougie tried to glance surreptitiously
Dougie nodded, feeling his eyes well up with tears. At least they didn’t fall. “You’re not . . . you’re not lying to me?”
“In this entire process, has anyone lied to you, Douglas?”
No. Never. They promised cruelty and dehumanization, and I got exactly that.
Nikolai didn’t wait for his reply. Maybe he saw it written on Dougie’s face. “Because we have no reason to lie. Lying to keep you compliant would mean we don’t have the power to gain the same through more direct means. But we do. We have all the power.” Somehow that didn’t sound like a threat, like it could have. Just a statement of fact, as bland as saying the sky was blue. “And my particular authority is knowing with certainty that one day, you’ll come to relish that fact. You will be transformed , Douglas. Elevated above your base instincts into the very best version of yourself.”
Dougie didn’t like the sound of that at all . It sounded nuts. Like shit a cult leader would say. Maybe this was a cult. It certainly was organized, and efficient, and everybody knew their place. Top-down hierarchy.
Was he to be brainwashed, then? Broken and reprogrammed? The thought terrified him even more than all that’d come before. Not my mind not my mind please not my mind—
“Don’t look so frightened, Douglas.” Nikolai stroked his cheek again, but this time, Dougie pulled away. Just an inch, just enough to get Nikolai’s hand off him. Nikolai dropped it back to his own knee, face unchanged. Gentle. Paternal , almost, like his foster dad would look at him sometimes. “It doesn’t have to hurt, I promise.” A small shrug then, a hint of gentle remorse, gentler humor. “It probably will sometimes—growing pains, you understand—but it doesn’t have to. You have a choice about that. You’ll have many choices here. But as I told your brother, you must understand that choices carry consequences. Some good, some bad. Those outcomes are up to you.”
“I choose to go home,” Dougie said. And, feeling brave all of a sudden, added, “And to take Mat with me.”
Nikolai shook his head. “That is the one choice I’m afraid you cannot make. There is no going home, Douglas. There’s nothing to go home to . You and your brother, you’ve fled to Mexico to escape bad debts to dangerous men. The bank is foreclosing on your house. You’ve been expelled from your program. There’s nothing left of that life. It’s harsh, but necessary. You have to let go of who you were to become who you will be. That is your first and most critical lesson in this house. Do you understand?”
Understand? How could he understand that? “No.” Dougie’s hands balled into fists. He wanted so badly to stand, but he was afraid if he tried, he’d just fall again and ruin his last scrap of dignity.
“No, you don’t understand?”
“No. No. Just no. No to everything. No. Can I choose to say no, sir ?”
Nikolai’s nose crinkled ever so slightly at the tone of contempt in that “sir,” but he nodded. “You can.”
“Then no . No, I don’t believe you. No, I won’t listen to you. No, I’m not playing your sick fucking game so you might as well let me go.” Turned out he could stand after all, even if he did have to lean against the bed. “Now. Sir .”
Nikolai rose too, with a sigh. He was half a foot taller than Dougie, looked lean and wiry beneath his tailored suit, like Mat. But Mat had taught Dougie a thing or two; he wasn’t afraid, wouldn’t be intimidated by this man.
Wouldn’t be intimidated by anyone . Not anymore.
“For a moment there,” Nikolai said, the words like a mournful sigh, “I had such high hopes for you. I didn’t want you, you know. You came as baggage with your brother. But I thought I could give you my gifts nonetheless.”
Gifts? Oh Jesus, this man was insane. If this was a cult, he was guzzling the fucking Kool-Aid. Dougie tried to glance surreptitiously
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