daughter I never got to have.” Aunt Melissa’s eyes mist over with her emotions. “You can tell me anything, always.”
I squeeze her hand back, wondering how I got so lucky to have a family as wonderful as mine. Warmth spreads through me as I think about spending the upcoming weekend with them.
“I was already looking forward to this weekend and now I can’t wait for everyone to see the new me!” I bounce in my seat. “Just in time for my birthday, too.”
This weekend marks our annual trip to Lake Panorama. Every summer, we spend the Fourth of July at Tommy’s lake house. Lake house is a relative term—it is more like a small cabin consisting of two bedrooms, a bathroom and a kitchenette. Each bedroom is set up dormitory style, with three sets of bunk beds. The bathroom is nothing more than a pedestal sink, a toilet and a shower stall. It’s very minimalistic, but none of us care, we only care about getting out on the lake and staying out there for as long as possible.
My birthday is July third so every year I celebrate it out on the water. We have certain traditions that are always followed: Tommy will take us water skiing and tubing, Gran will make my favorite chocolate cake and Pops will grill beer brats for dinner. I will open presents around the campfire and then we will set off a few celebratory fireworks.
It sounds simple, but it means the world to me. It makes me feel like I matter. I’m still getting accustomed to knowing I do.
“You are going to knock his socks off, baby girl.” Aunt Melissa gives me a Cheshire grin.
I narrow my eyes at her as my face turns a deep shade of crimson. I am tempted to argue back, but I know acknowledging will only encourage her. I have already noticed her paying careful attention to my interactions with Ryan, staring a little too long or straining to listen in to our conversations. She thinks she is being subtle but it is glaringly obvious to me, hopefully it’s not to anyone else. I shake my head and let out an exasperated sigh as we collect our bags and head home.
Chapter 13
Gravel crunches under the tires on Pops’ car as we pull through the gate at Panorama Lake. We wind our way around the shoreline toward the lake house and my heart starts to race. Tommy’s truck and empty boat trailer are backed into the boat slip. My heart seizes just before it sinks.
They went out without me.
Pops’ brows scrunch together as he surveys my disappointment. The moment the car is in park, I hop out and start unloading things from the backseat. He joins me, still dissecting my emotional state under a microscope; it makes me twitchy.
I need a little space to breathe so I grab my bag and turn to Pops, “I’m gonna go change.” By the time he opens his mouth to reply, I’m already inside the house.
The familiar smell of pine and mothballs encircles me immediately. I glance into the first bedroom and find luggage already on two of the bottom bunks. Since the boys have clearly staked their claim, I continue to the next room. On a heavy sigh, I sit on one of the bunks and regard my bag. My fingers tremble as I pull my new things out and lay them across the bed.
It is early afternoon and there are still several viable hours left to spend on the lake so I grab my new bikini. I chew my lip as I hold it out in front of me, knowing that I am about to cross a line I have adamantly avoided. Embracing my femininity was hard but with Dr. Warren’s wise and gentle encouragement, I did it. However, revealing my femininity still feels like a betrayal. It doesn’t matter how many times she explains that being attractive isn’t an invitation for men to behave poorly. I am still struggling with feeling guilty about my desire to strut my stuff in this bikini just to see the look on Ryan’s face. I shake off the mental warfare and draw air deep into my lungs.
Don’t be a coward, Beth.
I blow out the breath with force and slip out of my baggy clothes, into the much
I squeeze her hand back, wondering how I got so lucky to have a family as wonderful as mine. Warmth spreads through me as I think about spending the upcoming weekend with them.
“I was already looking forward to this weekend and now I can’t wait for everyone to see the new me!” I bounce in my seat. “Just in time for my birthday, too.”
This weekend marks our annual trip to Lake Panorama. Every summer, we spend the Fourth of July at Tommy’s lake house. Lake house is a relative term—it is more like a small cabin consisting of two bedrooms, a bathroom and a kitchenette. Each bedroom is set up dormitory style, with three sets of bunk beds. The bathroom is nothing more than a pedestal sink, a toilet and a shower stall. It’s very minimalistic, but none of us care, we only care about getting out on the lake and staying out there for as long as possible.
My birthday is July third so every year I celebrate it out on the water. We have certain traditions that are always followed: Tommy will take us water skiing and tubing, Gran will make my favorite chocolate cake and Pops will grill beer brats for dinner. I will open presents around the campfire and then we will set off a few celebratory fireworks.
It sounds simple, but it means the world to me. It makes me feel like I matter. I’m still getting accustomed to knowing I do.
“You are going to knock his socks off, baby girl.” Aunt Melissa gives me a Cheshire grin.
I narrow my eyes at her as my face turns a deep shade of crimson. I am tempted to argue back, but I know acknowledging will only encourage her. I have already noticed her paying careful attention to my interactions with Ryan, staring a little too long or straining to listen in to our conversations. She thinks she is being subtle but it is glaringly obvious to me, hopefully it’s not to anyone else. I shake my head and let out an exasperated sigh as we collect our bags and head home.
Chapter 13
Gravel crunches under the tires on Pops’ car as we pull through the gate at Panorama Lake. We wind our way around the shoreline toward the lake house and my heart starts to race. Tommy’s truck and empty boat trailer are backed into the boat slip. My heart seizes just before it sinks.
They went out without me.
Pops’ brows scrunch together as he surveys my disappointment. The moment the car is in park, I hop out and start unloading things from the backseat. He joins me, still dissecting my emotional state under a microscope; it makes me twitchy.
I need a little space to breathe so I grab my bag and turn to Pops, “I’m gonna go change.” By the time he opens his mouth to reply, I’m already inside the house.
The familiar smell of pine and mothballs encircles me immediately. I glance into the first bedroom and find luggage already on two of the bottom bunks. Since the boys have clearly staked their claim, I continue to the next room. On a heavy sigh, I sit on one of the bunks and regard my bag. My fingers tremble as I pull my new things out and lay them across the bed.
It is early afternoon and there are still several viable hours left to spend on the lake so I grab my new bikini. I chew my lip as I hold it out in front of me, knowing that I am about to cross a line I have adamantly avoided. Embracing my femininity was hard but with Dr. Warren’s wise and gentle encouragement, I did it. However, revealing my femininity still feels like a betrayal. It doesn’t matter how many times she explains that being attractive isn’t an invitation for men to behave poorly. I am still struggling with feeling guilty about my desire to strut my stuff in this bikini just to see the look on Ryan’s face. I shake off the mental warfare and draw air deep into my lungs.
Don’t be a coward, Beth.
I blow out the breath with force and slip out of my baggy clothes, into the much
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