another inch, giving my body a long and lanky awkwardness. My hips and breasts are continuing to round out, much to my horror.
Currently, I don’t see “pretty” anything staring back at me in the dressing room at Von Maur. I squirm uncomfortably as Aunt Melissa ties the back of the bikini I am trying on.
“Quit fidgeting, Beth!” she protests. “I have never seen a girl hate shopping as much as you.” I scowl at her as our eyes meet in the mirror. “We can’t go to the lake this weekend unless you’ve got a suit, baby girl. That old one of yours can fuel the next bonfire.”
“I like my old suit,” I whine, “this shows too much skin, Aunt Melissa. I can’t ski in this!” I face her and gesture toward the minuscule triangles of fabric she is calling a bikini. She cups my face in her hands and draws in a deep breath.
“Beth, you are a beautiful girl. You’re going to be fifteen in a few days,” her gentle tone softens the rough edge of my anxiety. ”Let me buy you some new things. You can’t hide behind your frumpy t-shirts forever. Trust me.” As she speaks she runs her thumbs along my cheeks, soothing my frayed nerves. ”Now turn around, but close your eyes until I tell you to open them.” I am about to open my mouth in protest when she holds a finger up to my lips. “Trust me.”
“Fine,” I mutter. I close my eyes and allow Aunt Melissa to turn me toward the mirror.
“Now, stand up straight, shoulders back and smile like you mean it!” Even though I feel like an idiot, I follow her directive. ”That’s better, now open your eyes,” she whispers.
Whoa.
I stare at my reflection in awe. My posture generates an air of confidence I don’t have. It transforms my reflection and I finally see the “pretty” me. No longer the scrawny little girl, I am tall and lean with the soft curves of a woman’s body. I run my hand across my flat stomach to where my hips flare, then across the fullness of my breasts. I am torn. Part of me loves the way this red bikini makes my pale skin look like creamy porcelain and the other part of me wants to hide anything feminine about my body. The image of Ryan sitting across the fire pops into my head. His lopsided smirk shifts as his lips begin to move, and then I hear it so clearly, I’d swear he was standing next to me, “Pretty.” Thinking of him stamps out any lingering fear I have.
“Well,” Aunt Melissa queries. “What do you think?”
“I don’t recognize myself.” My voice coming out of this girl’s mouth sends goosebumps skating across my skin. “I love it! I can’t believe this is me!” My excitement is uncontainable as I jump up and down.
“Whoa, there, baby girl. No jumping in the bikini unless you want all the boys to die of heart failure.” Melissa puts her hands on my shoulders to keep me still. “Are you going to fight me on trying on a few more things? A dress? Some shorts that haven’t been hacked at with kitchen shears?”
“No, ma’am,” I giggle. “I’m sorry I was such a pain in the butt—you’re a genius!” Aunt Melissa wastes no time dragging me around the mall, outfitting me in a new wardrobe.
Exhausted and starving, we stop in the food court for Tasty Tacos. “Are you excited about this weekend?” Aunt Melissa asks.
My mouth is full of spicy pork, giving me a minute to consider my answer when the realization hits me. I don’t have anything I need to edit out. With most of the details of my life in Miami out in the open, there is nothing left to hide. Melissa grabs my hand, bringing me back from my wandering thoughts, “You all right, Beth?” Her forehead is wrinkled in concern, her eyes assessing.
“Yeah, I’m great. It just dawned on me that I don’t have to filter every thought before I speak anymore. I’m just relieved, I guess.” I squirm, suddenly feeling idiotic. “You know, about my parents and everything.”
“That makes me so happy to hear! I love you so much, Beth, you’re the
Currently, I don’t see “pretty” anything staring back at me in the dressing room at Von Maur. I squirm uncomfortably as Aunt Melissa ties the back of the bikini I am trying on.
“Quit fidgeting, Beth!” she protests. “I have never seen a girl hate shopping as much as you.” I scowl at her as our eyes meet in the mirror. “We can’t go to the lake this weekend unless you’ve got a suit, baby girl. That old one of yours can fuel the next bonfire.”
“I like my old suit,” I whine, “this shows too much skin, Aunt Melissa. I can’t ski in this!” I face her and gesture toward the minuscule triangles of fabric she is calling a bikini. She cups my face in her hands and draws in a deep breath.
“Beth, you are a beautiful girl. You’re going to be fifteen in a few days,” her gentle tone softens the rough edge of my anxiety. ”Let me buy you some new things. You can’t hide behind your frumpy t-shirts forever. Trust me.” As she speaks she runs her thumbs along my cheeks, soothing my frayed nerves. ”Now turn around, but close your eyes until I tell you to open them.” I am about to open my mouth in protest when she holds a finger up to my lips. “Trust me.”
“Fine,” I mutter. I close my eyes and allow Aunt Melissa to turn me toward the mirror.
“Now, stand up straight, shoulders back and smile like you mean it!” Even though I feel like an idiot, I follow her directive. ”That’s better, now open your eyes,” she whispers.
Whoa.
I stare at my reflection in awe. My posture generates an air of confidence I don’t have. It transforms my reflection and I finally see the “pretty” me. No longer the scrawny little girl, I am tall and lean with the soft curves of a woman’s body. I run my hand across my flat stomach to where my hips flare, then across the fullness of my breasts. I am torn. Part of me loves the way this red bikini makes my pale skin look like creamy porcelain and the other part of me wants to hide anything feminine about my body. The image of Ryan sitting across the fire pops into my head. His lopsided smirk shifts as his lips begin to move, and then I hear it so clearly, I’d swear he was standing next to me, “Pretty.” Thinking of him stamps out any lingering fear I have.
“Well,” Aunt Melissa queries. “What do you think?”
“I don’t recognize myself.” My voice coming out of this girl’s mouth sends goosebumps skating across my skin. “I love it! I can’t believe this is me!” My excitement is uncontainable as I jump up and down.
“Whoa, there, baby girl. No jumping in the bikini unless you want all the boys to die of heart failure.” Melissa puts her hands on my shoulders to keep me still. “Are you going to fight me on trying on a few more things? A dress? Some shorts that haven’t been hacked at with kitchen shears?”
“No, ma’am,” I giggle. “I’m sorry I was such a pain in the butt—you’re a genius!” Aunt Melissa wastes no time dragging me around the mall, outfitting me in a new wardrobe.
Exhausted and starving, we stop in the food court for Tasty Tacos. “Are you excited about this weekend?” Aunt Melissa asks.
My mouth is full of spicy pork, giving me a minute to consider my answer when the realization hits me. I don’t have anything I need to edit out. With most of the details of my life in Miami out in the open, there is nothing left to hide. Melissa grabs my hand, bringing me back from my wandering thoughts, “You all right, Beth?” Her forehead is wrinkled in concern, her eyes assessing.
“Yeah, I’m great. It just dawned on me that I don’t have to filter every thought before I speak anymore. I’m just relieved, I guess.” I squirm, suddenly feeling idiotic. “You know, about my parents and everything.”
“That makes me so happy to hear! I love you so much, Beth, you’re the
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