Read Online The Fat Artist and Other Stories by Benjamin Hale - Free Book Online Page A

tweaking or whatever the fuck else you’re doing and you got some fucking brass calling me up like this knowing how tight me and Kelly is, and I aint gonna tell him about it this time, but you stop this shit or I’m gonna talk some sense into Kelly and let him know the full extent of the female parasite he’s got hanging off his ass while he’s out there busting it working two goddamn jobs to make rent, you under stand ? And Maggie, she’s all crying and shit, like, sorry, sorry, sorry, and she starts saying something else and I just hang up on the bitch, click . And that’s the difference between me and Kelly. But that aint Kelly’s main problem. Sure as hell it aint his main problem right now. Huh? Yeah. Yeah. No, like I fucking told you, I’ve known Kelly Callahan since we were this fucking tall, dude. Jesus. Whatever, dog. Okay, yeah. So we’re at work, right, and Kelly’s all telling me this bullshit about how he wants to kill Caleb Quinn, and he don’t know what the fuck he’s talking about, right? Cause Caleb Quinn, it’s not like I’d call him a bud but I know him, right, and Caleb, he’s a big motherfucker, like six three or some shit and three hunnerd pounds. And Kelly’s just this little dude, and now he thinks all a sudden he can take Caleb, like he’s the Incredible Hulk or some shit and just getting pissed off is gonna turn him into this big scary green-ass monster? But Kelly’s good, man. He’s good people, you know? He gave me some help when I was in a bad situation and hooked me up with this job when I got out of jail for drug shit—which was a bunch of bullshit anyway—and nobody wanted to hire my ass, so I owe him one, right? And Kelly, I say to Kelly, the time to return the favor is now , and my favor to you is this. First of all I’m gonna be the one to cool off your fuckin’ head , dog, cause you’re dead tired and crazy pissed and you have lost your brain , so first thing you need is a friend with some rational motherfucking faculties here. Second thing you need is a second, cause there aint no way in fuck you’re gonna take that bigass motherfucker by your littleass self. Third thing you need is a plan , cause this like take-him-out-and-whack-him Godfather-type shit you’re talking about is simply not enough . So we’re at McDonald’s on lunch, right, and we’re talking, just brainstorming, understand, and I say look, dog, I know Caleb Quinn. I used to be tight with Caleb way back, known him since we were this tall. So I go meet up with Caleb, I say to Kelly, I go meet up with him and I bring him to you. Don’t ask me how, I’m gonna figure that out. I have my ways, dog, don’t worry about it. I take him up to the park, right? Centennial Park, with the cannon on top of the hill where they killed all those Indians or some shit? We take his car so he feels chill with it. We drive up to the park, and that’s where you’re gonna be at, and you’ve got a baseball bat or something. Go get yourself one a them Louisville Sluggers. There’s this trail there, right, and the trail goes down a hill, around the bend? You know what I’m talkin about? You be waiting right there around that bend, so you can get the drop on his ass. I aint even gonna touch his ass unless you miss or something and you need my help, but I don’t want to cause this is your thing, right? So don’t miss, but if you do, just in case I got your ass, trust me. So that’s the plan, right? And I say to Kelly, you better be out on that trail with a bat or some shit by nine o’clock tonight, and you just sit your ass down and wait. I’ll take care of the rest. I say nine cause that’s when the sun goes down, cause it’s summer. It might take me all night to get him out there cause I don’t know how long it’s gonna take me to find him, so be ready just in case, is what I tell him. If I got him with me I’m gonna try to call your cell before we get over there so you can get ready, but I’m warning you