darling,â the monster said to me, reaching down with an arm that grew from its side for a wineskin from Stribble Flap.
âMary,â said Glandar, âthereâs not much time. Iâll explain. We had Heretica put a spell on Ashmolean a few books back so that he would eventually lose touch with our world. It took a while to work, because heâs so powerful. I mean, heâs God, if you know what I mean. At first we thought he might just give up on us, but then, when he hired you, we realized what his plan was.â
âYou mean, to finish the book?â I asked.
âRight,â said a woman to my left. I turned and saw the beautiful green face of Heretica Florita.
âI thought you had been devoured?â I said.
The Malfeasance laughed. âWe made up a woman out of grass and sticks and such and I ate that in her place. How could I really eat her?â he asked.
âDonât ask,â said Glandar. The assembled characters started laughing and Heretica leaned over to punch the hero in the arm.
âWhy are you telling me this?â I asked.
Glandar waved the others away. âLet us have a moment, here,â he said. They all took a few steps back, and sat down on the ground. In seconds, what appeared to be flagons of wine and mead were making the rounds. The Malfeasance sipped from its wineskin and let the children use its back as a slide. Every time one of the little ones laughed, so did the creature with a wheezing cough.
Glandar led me away toward the edge of the cliff. When we were out of earshot of the others, he turned to me and said, âItâs got to be over, Mary. I canât take any more of this.â
âYou miss Ashmolean?â I asked.
âNo, not at all. I thought you would understand. What Iâm telling you is I canât go on. If I have to kill one more thing, I donât care if itâs a mosquito, Iâm going to lose my mind.â
âYou are unhappy with Ashmolean,â I said.
âSome of the others call him Ash-holean. I have more respect for him than that, but Iâve been with him from the first page. There were times in the beginning where it was all very exhilarating, but now, man, life in Kreegenvale is a tedious thing. Thereâs nothing new here. I know, when every adventure begins, that Iâm going to be killing. Imagine waking up every day and knowing you are going to have to kill something or someone, maybe a whole army of men you have no quarrel with.â
âBut there are other aspects to Kreegenvale than the killing,â I reminded him.
âIâm not a drinker. Every time Ashmolean has me quaff flagons, Iâm sick as a dog for the next fifty pages. All that wenching tooâsickening. Youâd think the guy never saw a woman with normal size breasts. All I ever wanted was a few minutes of love, but thatâs more exotic to the big man than the three-faced cat boy of Ghost City.â
âDo you want me to make him write love into the plot?â I asked.
âItâs too late for that. I just want to help free the others now. I want an end to it, so that they can go back to the lives they had before I happened to them.â
âI used to feel the same way about Kreegenvale when I first started reading about you,â I said. âBut now, I donât think Iâve ever read anything that has been so alive to me.â
âAshmolean would be a sham if not for one thing. He truly feels it. Thatâs a miraculous thing. Iâm doing this because I want to help him out as much as the others.â
âYou want me to sacrifice you to the Malfeasance, donât you?â I asked.
He nodded and I could see tears in his eyes. âThatâs what heroes are for,â he said.
âI donât know if I can do that. He probably wonât let me,â I said.
âHe will,â said Glandar. âHe canât prevent it. Youâre too
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