Read Online The Fantasy Writer’s Assistant by Jeffrey Ford - Free Book Online

darling,” the monster said to me, reaching down with an arm that grew from its side for a wineskin from Stribble Flap.
    â€œMary,” said Glandar, “there’s not much time. I’ll explain. We had Heretica put a spell on Ashmolean a few books back so that he would eventually lose touch with our world. It took a while to work, because he’s so powerful. I mean, he’s God, if you know what I mean. At first we thought he might just give up on us, but then, when he hired you, we realized what his plan was.”
    â€œYou mean, to finish the book?” I asked.
    â€œRight,” said a woman to my left. I turned and saw the beautiful green face of Heretica Florita.
    â€œI thought you had been devoured?” I said.
    The Malfeasance laughed. “We made up a woman out of grass and sticks and such and I ate that in her place. How could I really eat her?” he asked.
    â€œDon’t ask,” said Glandar. The assembled characters started laughing and Heretica leaned over to punch the hero in the arm.
    â€œWhy are you telling me this?” I asked.
    Glandar waved the others away. “Let us have a moment, here,” he said. They all took a few steps back, and sat down on the ground. In seconds, what appeared to be flagons of wine and mead were making the rounds. The Malfeasance sipped from its wineskin and let the children use its back as a slide. Every time one of the little ones laughed, so did the creature with a wheezing cough.
    Glandar led me away toward the edge of the cliff. When we were out of earshot of the others, he turned to me and said, “It’s got to be over, Mary. I can’t take any more of this.”
    â€œYou miss Ashmolean?” I asked.
    â€œNo, not at all. I thought you would understand. What I’m telling you is I can’t go on. If I have to kill one more thing, I don’t care if it’s a mosquito, I’m going to lose my mind.”
    â€œYou are unhappy with Ashmolean,” I said.
    â€œSome of the others call him Ash-holean. I have more respect for him than that, but I’ve been with him from the first page. There were times in the beginning where it was all very exhilarating, but now, man, life in Kreegenvale is a tedious thing. There’s nothing new here. I know, when every adventure begins, that I’m going to be killing. Imagine waking up every day and knowing you are going to have to kill something or someone, maybe a whole army of men you have no quarrel with.”
    â€œBut there are other aspects to Kreegenvale than the killing,” I reminded him.
    â€œI’m not a drinker. Every time Ashmolean has me quaff flagons, I’m sick as a dog for the next fifty pages. All that wenching too—sickening. You’d think the guy never saw a woman with normal size breasts. All I ever wanted was a few minutes of love, but that’s more exotic to the big man than the three-faced cat boy of Ghost City.”
    â€œDo you want me to make him write love into the plot?” I asked.
    â€œIt’s too late for that. I just want to help free the others now. I want an end to it, so that they can go back to the lives they had before I happened to them.”
    â€œI used to feel the same way about Kreegenvale when I first started reading about you,” I said. “But now, I don’t think I’ve ever read anything that has been so alive to me.”
    â€œAshmolean would be a sham if not for one thing. He truly feels it. That’s a miraculous thing. I’m doing this because I want to help him out as much as the others.”
    â€œYou want me to sacrifice you to the Malfeasance, don’t you?” I asked.
    He nodded and I could see tears in his eyes. “That’s what heroes are for,” he said.
    â€œI don’t know if I can do that. He probably won’t let me,” I said.
    â€œHe will,” said Glandar. “He can’t prevent it. You’re too