Read Online The Edge of Always by J.A. Redmerski - Free Book Online
Authors: J.A. Redmerski
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Cloud Reality, that’s for sure. Oh, and she did mention on occasion how she wished she could feel emotions again. Weird to me how anyone can
not
feel any emotions, but whatever.” She waves her hands in front of her dismissively. Then she smiles at me, and I’m not sure what to make of it until she speaks. “But then you came along and she was herself again. Except like a hundred times better. I could tell that night I talked to her while in New Orleans with you, that something had changed. Honestly, I’ve never seen her the way she is with you.” She pauses and says, “I think you’re the best thing ever to happen to Cam. Don’t shoot me for bringing it up, but if you would’ve died…”
I wait impatiently for her to go on, but she doesn’t. She looks away from my eyes and seems to be ready to retract everything she was about to say.
“If I would’ve died,
what
?”
“I don’t know,” she says, and I don’t believe her. “I just think you need to watch her. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that she needs you now more than ever.”
No, she didn’t need to tell me that, but with everything else she’s told me, I can’t help but feel like I need to be with Camryn
right now
and every minute of every day. I almost hate Natalie for telling me all of this stuff, but at the same time, I needed to know.
I stand up from the table and toss my arms inside my black jacket, then push my chair in.
“So, you’re leaving just like that?”
I stop and look down at her. “Yeah, I am,” I say, and she stands up. “I think I know enough.”
“Please don’t tell—”
I put up my hand. “Look, don’t get me wrong, I appreciate you telling me all of this, but if Camryn asks, I will tell her that I met you here privately and that you told me everything that I know. So don’t expect me to keep any of it from her.”
Her cheeks deflate with air. “Fair enough,” she says and grabs her purse from the table. “But I was only saying that because I’m worried how she might feel if she knew I came to you, not because I’m worried she’ll be pissed at me for doing it.”
I nod. I admit, I believe her this time.
* * *
I’m hanging out in the den watching TV when Camryn and her mom come home from the birth control appointment. I find myself sitting up straighter, feeling awkward being in her mom’s house and all. I set the TV remote down on the oak coffee table and get up to meet Camryn halfway.
“So, how’d everything go?” Awkward posture. Awkward filler questions. Awkward everything. I hate awkward. We need to get our own place soon. Or a hotel room.
Camryn’s eyes soften as she comes up to me.
“It went fine,” she answers and pecks me on the cheek. “I got what I needed. What did
you
do today? I bet you looked all sexy driving around in that New Age chick car all day, huh?” The left side of her mouth lifts into a grin.
My face feels a little flush.
Her mom smiles faintly at me behind Camryn’s back as she passes and heads into the kitchen area. It’s the same kind of “quiet smile” Camryn was talking about this morning, the one that screams
She’s so fragile
and
I feel so bad for both of you
. I’m starting to understand why Camryn hates it so much.
“Well, I didn’t do much, but I did endure a fifteen minute face-to-face conversation with Shenzi at Starbucks.”
“Shenzi?”
I shake my head, smiling and say, “Never mind. Natalie. She wanted to meet me to talk about you. She’s just really worried.”
Camryn, annoyed, starts to walk toward the hallway leading to her bedroom. I follow.
“I can only imagine what she told you,” she says as she rounds the corner into her room. She sets her purse and a shopping bag on her bed. “And it pisses me off she’d call you behind my back.”
“I probably shouldn’t have met up with her,” I say, standing near the doorway. “But she was persistent and, honestly, I wanted to hear what she had to
not
feel any emotions, but whatever.” She waves her hands in front of her dismissively. Then she smiles at me, and I’m not sure what to make of it until she speaks. “But then you came along and she was herself again. Except like a hundred times better. I could tell that night I talked to her while in New Orleans with you, that something had changed. Honestly, I’ve never seen her the way she is with you.” She pauses and says, “I think you’re the best thing ever to happen to Cam. Don’t shoot me for bringing it up, but if you would’ve died…”
I wait impatiently for her to go on, but she doesn’t. She looks away from my eyes and seems to be ready to retract everything she was about to say.
“If I would’ve died,
what
?”
“I don’t know,” she says, and I don’t believe her. “I just think you need to watch her. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that she needs you now more than ever.”
No, she didn’t need to tell me that, but with everything else she’s told me, I can’t help but feel like I need to be with Camryn
right now
and every minute of every day. I almost hate Natalie for telling me all of this stuff, but at the same time, I needed to know.
I stand up from the table and toss my arms inside my black jacket, then push my chair in.
“So, you’re leaving just like that?”
I stop and look down at her. “Yeah, I am,” I say, and she stands up. “I think I know enough.”
“Please don’t tell—”
I put up my hand. “Look, don’t get me wrong, I appreciate you telling me all of this, but if Camryn asks, I will tell her that I met you here privately and that you told me everything that I know. So don’t expect me to keep any of it from her.”
Her cheeks deflate with air. “Fair enough,” she says and grabs her purse from the table. “But I was only saying that because I’m worried how she might feel if she knew I came to you, not because I’m worried she’ll be pissed at me for doing it.”
I nod. I admit, I believe her this time.
* * *
I’m hanging out in the den watching TV when Camryn and her mom come home from the birth control appointment. I find myself sitting up straighter, feeling awkward being in her mom’s house and all. I set the TV remote down on the oak coffee table and get up to meet Camryn halfway.
“So, how’d everything go?” Awkward posture. Awkward filler questions. Awkward everything. I hate awkward. We need to get our own place soon. Or a hotel room.
Camryn’s eyes soften as she comes up to me.
“It went fine,” she answers and pecks me on the cheek. “I got what I needed. What did
you
do today? I bet you looked all sexy driving around in that New Age chick car all day, huh?” The left side of her mouth lifts into a grin.
My face feels a little flush.
Her mom smiles faintly at me behind Camryn’s back as she passes and heads into the kitchen area. It’s the same kind of “quiet smile” Camryn was talking about this morning, the one that screams
She’s so fragile
and
I feel so bad for both of you
. I’m starting to understand why Camryn hates it so much.
“Well, I didn’t do much, but I did endure a fifteen minute face-to-face conversation with Shenzi at Starbucks.”
“Shenzi?”
I shake my head, smiling and say, “Never mind. Natalie. She wanted to meet me to talk about you. She’s just really worried.”
Camryn, annoyed, starts to walk toward the hallway leading to her bedroom. I follow.
“I can only imagine what she told you,” she says as she rounds the corner into her room. She sets her purse and a shopping bag on her bed. “And it pisses me off she’d call you behind my back.”
“I probably shouldn’t have met up with her,” I say, standing near the doorway. “But she was persistent and, honestly, I wanted to hear what she had to
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