twenty-one years before you accepted a lover and, whatever you may say now, you chose very carefully.” He shifted in his chair and his hand flew to the immaculate knot on his tie. “My dear, permit me to know a bit more about you than you think. You are emotionally extremely deep and still not wholly awakened. Yes, it is true. One must go slowly. With someone as passionate as you there is always the danger of her going off the deep end, and you must not be allowed to go drifting from one affair to another. It would be disastrous for you.”
It occurred to me that this was the second time that day thatI’d been cautioned against drifting. Three times and I’d get a parking ticket.
I glazed my eyes and thought, I’ll just sit tight until he runs down. There was nothing else to do. I’m not listening, sang my mind—not listening, not listening.
“——like your American friend at the café today,” he was saying. “I studied him very carefully. Yes, I was looking at you both for a long time before you saw me. Believe me, and do not simply put it down to the jealousy of a rival—taking into account his youth and good looks—I admit them, you see, though I find him almost
too
good-looking. I will tell you, and I am sure that this is true, there is something not quite right about him.” He broke off abruptly, and then said, “Tell me, what does he do?”
“Well, he’s a sort of student. Oh I don’t know. He does lots of things. He was an actor when I first met him. Now he’s a director, and writer I think. What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing. What does he do for money? Is he one of your rich Americans? I do not think so.”
“I don’t know.”
“Considering that you are so much in love with him you know remarkably little about him,” he pointed out.
I drew myself up. “We Americans do not think all that sort of thing important,” I retorted huffily. “I don’t know if he has any money or not, and frankly I don’t care.”
“Perhaps he wishes you to supply it?”
I appreciated that Teddy was one of those naturally, almost helplessly charming people who, when prevented from exploiting this charm, flip with chagrin and show you the other side of their coin. Nevertheless, I felt it the moment for my getaway.
“Look, I’ve got to go,” I said and tried to suit action to word.
“Come, come, please. It is only my little joke. You Americans take things so seriously. I was only teasing you. Please tell me more about this Larry. I should very much like to know.”
“Well, he’s going to direct some plays at the new American Theater up around Denfert-Rochereau. And I’m going to be in them, I hope. I think he’s probably a genius. I wouldn’t expect you to understand him even if you did know him, which of course you don’t, do you?”
Teddy was imperturbable. “He strikes me as a person who is not quite talented enough for his ambitions. And he is morally lazy.”
“Oh really? How interesting. Now what makes you think that?”
“He did not rise either when you left the table or when you came back.”
I suddenly felt afraid. There was no doubt that Teddy’s life in the Diplomatic Corps had trained him well for these snap judgments. Looking back, I didn’t know anyone he’d actually been wrong about—except of course me, but then as we know I am totally incomprehensible to everyone including myself.
“In any case,” Teddy was going on, “getting back to you, what I have been meaning to say is that you need a steadying influence. A husband, even, and this boy is certainly not to be that to you. No, I do not think there is any danger of that happening. In fact, I should say that it is highly unlikely that he’ll marry for a long time—if ever.”
I was feeling terribly, terribly tired. Champagne has never done anything but depress me unutterably, and I now saw my hope of studying those plays that night slipping further and further away. It would have to be abandoned. The
It occurred to me that this was the second time that day thatI’d been cautioned against drifting. Three times and I’d get a parking ticket.
I glazed my eyes and thought, I’ll just sit tight until he runs down. There was nothing else to do. I’m not listening, sang my mind—not listening, not listening.
“——like your American friend at the café today,” he was saying. “I studied him very carefully. Yes, I was looking at you both for a long time before you saw me. Believe me, and do not simply put it down to the jealousy of a rival—taking into account his youth and good looks—I admit them, you see, though I find him almost
too
good-looking. I will tell you, and I am sure that this is true, there is something not quite right about him.” He broke off abruptly, and then said, “Tell me, what does he do?”
“Well, he’s a sort of student. Oh I don’t know. He does lots of things. He was an actor when I first met him. Now he’s a director, and writer I think. What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing. What does he do for money? Is he one of your rich Americans? I do not think so.”
“I don’t know.”
“Considering that you are so much in love with him you know remarkably little about him,” he pointed out.
I drew myself up. “We Americans do not think all that sort of thing important,” I retorted huffily. “I don’t know if he has any money or not, and frankly I don’t care.”
“Perhaps he wishes you to supply it?”
I appreciated that Teddy was one of those naturally, almost helplessly charming people who, when prevented from exploiting this charm, flip with chagrin and show you the other side of their coin. Nevertheless, I felt it the moment for my getaway.
“Look, I’ve got to go,” I said and tried to suit action to word.
“Come, come, please. It is only my little joke. You Americans take things so seriously. I was only teasing you. Please tell me more about this Larry. I should very much like to know.”
“Well, he’s going to direct some plays at the new American Theater up around Denfert-Rochereau. And I’m going to be in them, I hope. I think he’s probably a genius. I wouldn’t expect you to understand him even if you did know him, which of course you don’t, do you?”
Teddy was imperturbable. “He strikes me as a person who is not quite talented enough for his ambitions. And he is morally lazy.”
“Oh really? How interesting. Now what makes you think that?”
“He did not rise either when you left the table or when you came back.”
I suddenly felt afraid. There was no doubt that Teddy’s life in the Diplomatic Corps had trained him well for these snap judgments. Looking back, I didn’t know anyone he’d actually been wrong about—except of course me, but then as we know I am totally incomprehensible to everyone including myself.
“In any case,” Teddy was going on, “getting back to you, what I have been meaning to say is that you need a steadying influence. A husband, even, and this boy is certainly not to be that to you. No, I do not think there is any danger of that happening. In fact, I should say that it is highly unlikely that he’ll marry for a long time—if ever.”
I was feeling terribly, terribly tired. Champagne has never done anything but depress me unutterably, and I now saw my hope of studying those plays that night slipping further and further away. It would have to be abandoned. The
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