Read Online The Dreadful Lemon Sky by John D. MacDonald - Free Book Online
Authors: John D. MacDonald
Tags: Fiction, Mystery & Detective, Crime, Private Investigators, Mystery Fiction, Hard-Boiled, Fort Lauderdale (Fla.), McGee; Travis (Fictitious character)
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week ago, one night about ten. I was getting ready for bed. She talked a whole hour. It must have cost a fortune. She was funny. She kept laughing and saying silly things. Maybe she was drinking. Anyway, she made me get a pencil and paper and write down how to get in touch with you. She said that if anything happened to her, it was important I should get in touch with you. She said I could trust you. She said you're a nice person."
"She was in a loyal minority, Miss Susan."
"I… I don't know what to do about this," she said. She took a sheet of letterhead paper, folded once, out of her dark plastic purse and handed it to me. It was a heavy, creamy bond, and the statement of account had been typed with a carbon ribbon electric, flawlessly. It added up to $1677.90. It contained all manner of processing charges and service charges and mortuary overhead charges. It contained a coffin for $416 including tax, and it included an embalming fee, crematorium fee, death certification fee.
"She wanted to be cremated. It's in her will even. I can't pay all that. He has some kind of installment note he wants me to sign. He seems very nice… but…"
By being very firm with a chubby sallow fellow I gained an audience with Mr. Rucker, Senior. If you shaved Abe Lincoln and gave him a thick white Caesar hairpiece, and left the eyebrows black, you would have a reasonable duplicate of Rucker, sitting there in perpetual twilight behind his big walnut desk.
His voice was hushed, gentle, personal.
"I should be pleased to go over the billing with you, sir, item by item. Let me say I am glad the little lady has someone to help her in this time of need."
"Shall we discuss the coffin first?"
"Why not, if you wish? It is very inexpensive, as you can see."
"The decedent is to be, or has been, cremated."
"Cremation will take place this evening, I think. I can determine for sure."
"So there's no need for a coffin."
He smiled sweetly and sadly. "Ah, so many people have that misconception. It is a regulation, sir."
"Whose regulation?"
"The State of Florida, sir."
"Then you will be willing to show me the statutes which pertain?"
"Believe me, sir, it is standard practice and…"
"The statutes?"
"It may not be specifically spelled out in the law, but…"
I reached and took the pen from his desk set and drew a thick black line through the coffin and said, "Now we're down to twelve sixty-one ninety. I see you've charged for embalming."
"Of course. And a great deal of cosmetic attention was required. There were severe facial lacerations which-"
"It wasn't ordered and is not required by law prior to cremation."
He gave me a saintly smile. "I am afraid I cannot accept your judgments on these matters, sir. I must refer them to the sister of the deceased. We must bring her in on this. I must caution you that this is a very difficult situation for her, all this petty squabbling about the account as rendered."
"It's easier on her to just go ahead and pay it?"
"This is a very sad occasion for her."
"Wait right here," I said.
I went and found Susan on the bench in the hallway. I sat beside her and said, "We can cut that bill by a thousand dollars, but he thinks it will be such a rough experience for you to haggle over price, we should go ahead and pay it. What do you think?"
For a moment she was blank. Then I saw the tender jaw clamp into firmness and saw her eyes narrow. "I know what Carrie would say."
Mr. Rucker Senior stood up behind his desk when I walked in with Susan Dobrovsky. "Do sit down, my dear. We'll try to make this as painless as we possibly-"
"What's this crap about you overcharging me a thousand dollars?" she said in a high, strident, demanding voice.
He was taken aback but he recovered quickly. "You don't quite understand. For example, it may not be absolutely legally necessary for you to purchase a casket, my dear, but I think it would be a gross disrespect to your poor sister to have her… tumbled into the burning chamber
"She was in a loyal minority, Miss Susan."
"I… I don't know what to do about this," she said. She took a sheet of letterhead paper, folded once, out of her dark plastic purse and handed it to me. It was a heavy, creamy bond, and the statement of account had been typed with a carbon ribbon electric, flawlessly. It added up to $1677.90. It contained all manner of processing charges and service charges and mortuary overhead charges. It contained a coffin for $416 including tax, and it included an embalming fee, crematorium fee, death certification fee.
"She wanted to be cremated. It's in her will even. I can't pay all that. He has some kind of installment note he wants me to sign. He seems very nice… but…"
By being very firm with a chubby sallow fellow I gained an audience with Mr. Rucker, Senior. If you shaved Abe Lincoln and gave him a thick white Caesar hairpiece, and left the eyebrows black, you would have a reasonable duplicate of Rucker, sitting there in perpetual twilight behind his big walnut desk.
His voice was hushed, gentle, personal.
"I should be pleased to go over the billing with you, sir, item by item. Let me say I am glad the little lady has someone to help her in this time of need."
"Shall we discuss the coffin first?"
"Why not, if you wish? It is very inexpensive, as you can see."
"The decedent is to be, or has been, cremated."
"Cremation will take place this evening, I think. I can determine for sure."
"So there's no need for a coffin."
He smiled sweetly and sadly. "Ah, so many people have that misconception. It is a regulation, sir."
"Whose regulation?"
"The State of Florida, sir."
"Then you will be willing to show me the statutes which pertain?"
"Believe me, sir, it is standard practice and…"
"The statutes?"
"It may not be specifically spelled out in the law, but…"
I reached and took the pen from his desk set and drew a thick black line through the coffin and said, "Now we're down to twelve sixty-one ninety. I see you've charged for embalming."
"Of course. And a great deal of cosmetic attention was required. There were severe facial lacerations which-"
"It wasn't ordered and is not required by law prior to cremation."
He gave me a saintly smile. "I am afraid I cannot accept your judgments on these matters, sir. I must refer them to the sister of the deceased. We must bring her in on this. I must caution you that this is a very difficult situation for her, all this petty squabbling about the account as rendered."
"It's easier on her to just go ahead and pay it?"
"This is a very sad occasion for her."
"Wait right here," I said.
I went and found Susan on the bench in the hallway. I sat beside her and said, "We can cut that bill by a thousand dollars, but he thinks it will be such a rough experience for you to haggle over price, we should go ahead and pay it. What do you think?"
For a moment she was blank. Then I saw the tender jaw clamp into firmness and saw her eyes narrow. "I know what Carrie would say."
Mr. Rucker Senior stood up behind his desk when I walked in with Susan Dobrovsky. "Do sit down, my dear. We'll try to make this as painless as we possibly-"
"What's this crap about you overcharging me a thousand dollars?" she said in a high, strident, demanding voice.
He was taken aback but he recovered quickly. "You don't quite understand. For example, it may not be absolutely legally necessary for you to purchase a casket, my dear, but I think it would be a gross disrespect to your poor sister to have her… tumbled into the burning chamber
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