sparrow landed outside my broken window, holding a rolled piece of paper in her beak. When I noticed her, she dropped the paper and flew off. Flashes of memory came back to me that Merlin had contacted me this way, centuries before the era of cell phones. The memory was slight enough that I didn’t faint, but my head throbbed hard a couple of times as I unrolled the paper and read the short message.
I told Lila to tend the shop while I went out.
I walked down through the layers of the market, and then toward the pier where the scent of salt and fish lay heavy on the air. I wore my long wool coat, but left the buttons open. The day was crisp and cold—one of those rare sunny days in April that every Seattleite savors. I thought about what I would say to Merlin when I saw him, and how I would convince him to do what I wanted. Soon enough, I entered a small coffee shop at the north end of the waterfront.
“Is anyone sitting there?” I asked, pointing at an empty chair.
“It’s saved for someone. Tall, angry, a wee bit beautiful,” Merlin said. “Sit, good witch.”
“How are you?” I asked. I loved looking at his face. Perhaps all the more so because I knew this was ending. It had to.
“I’m alive. Because of you,” Merlin said.
“Yes.”
“I thought, in the small moments when I could think, that there was no way out of that place. That there was no getting away from that rock once it grabbed hold of me. I understood the true desperation of the dragons I had once found in an underground cavern. I thought it was poetic destiny that the same relic would be my end. But you did it. You overcame that hunger.” He shook his head. “You are twice the magician I will ever be.”
“Witch,” I said, and let him think his words were true. I had no intention of explaining how I had done it. I had no intention of ever telling him what I had learned, or what I planned to do next. Change was coming, and he must not be around when it did. I took a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking. You don’t need to stay here and protect me any longer.”
He looked away. “Because I’d just get in your way?”
I nodded, not trusting my voice to tell him to go, even if that’s what needed doing.
He nodded as well. “Aye. I told myself I was staying in Seattle to watch after you. Because no matter what you think of me, and no matter how much you don’t need protecting, I will always want to help you. But,” he shook his head. “It’s clear now that was just a story I was telling myself. You were in great danger yesterday because of me.”
“It was good of you to stay. I will miss you,” I said, trying to not sound like I was breaking. This was necessary. I had to let him go.
“No. You will not miss me,” he said. He looked up from his cup of tea. He held my gaze, and I saw all of his brightness. All of his strength. “I am going nowhere.”
“But there is no need for your help. As you said, I can take care of myself and—”
“Oh, I’m done protecting you. But I’m far from done with you. When I left you in my suite, I told you that being near you only makes me ache with the fact of how soon you will be gone again.”
“Yes, another reason why—”
“While I was trapped with the relic, when I could think, all I could think of was how foolish I had been.” Merlin smiled and leaned toward me.
“Foolish?” I leaned toward him, despite myself. This wouldn’t do. I couldn’t let this happen, and yet, part of me wanted him, despite the huge risks. Despite the knowledge of what I would have to hide, if he stayed. I swallowed hard. “It is foolish for you to stay. When I remember every part of my history,” I said, trying to keep my gaze away from his, “When I remember why I banished you from my mind, I will likely wish you gone. You should leave now, Merlin, before you get hurt again.”
Merlin nodded and moved closer. I could smell him. I could feel his heat. “Perhaps I will get hurt again,”
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