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everywhere, we manage to lose Ma Shiping.
    Fifth uncle has told us that Father came to buy vegetables to mark the end of the fast of Ramadan, and we search high and low. Finally we find him. He still hasn’t bought anything. I ask him why. He says he’s waiting for the prices to go down, because the merchants prefer selling their products off at closing time rather than taking them back with them.
    Father asks us what we’d like to eat.
    â€œNothing,” we answer in chorus.
    Nonetheless, he takes us to an apple stall, buys a few for us, and recommends that we eat them with bread. Then he turns back to take the village road. He’s got several hours of walking ahead of him.
    Tuesday, December 12
    All the comrades say we’re going to have a music test this afternoon. I’m suddenly frightened.
    The music teacher comes in. The class head shouts, “Everyone up.”
    The teacher announces, “Sit down. Exam time today.”
    My heart sinks ever lower. The teacher chooses Tian Yuzhou. He gets up and sings. Then everyone has a turn, one after another. When my turn comes, the teacher asks me to get up.
    â€œSing.”
    I start on “Little Rooster Likes His Fight.”
    â€œVery good!” she compliments me.
    My heart immediately lifts. I’m full of joy. When I go home, I’ll have a good grade to show my parents.
    Wednesday, December 13
    This morning after gym it was time for natural sciences. The teacher came in and immediately said, “Make good use of the fresh air this morning: recite by heart lesson twenty-five, ‘The First Snow.’”
    We all start to recite.
    The teacher explains the text to us. I find him very engaging today. It’s the first time all term that I’ve seen him smile and look relaxed. Yet, when he explains the text, I don’t really understand his enthusiasm.
    It’s only during break that I realize what he meant. He was explaining what goes on in snowy areas. In the text children play in the snow, throw snowballs, make snowmen. I think the teacher must have been thinking of the pleasures of his own childhood. That’s why he was so likable today and there was a big smile on his face. Let’s hope I’m right.
    Saturday, December 16
    This morning Father, Mother, my brothers, and I are all sitting on the kang watching a series called Heroic Children . Just as the first episode is drawing to an end, the second daughter of my second uncle, Huahua, comes running in. She asks me, “Little cousin, do you want to go and watch a funeral?”
    I ask my mother if I can go out. She says I may. I change my clothes and put on my shoes.
    I go off with Huahua. We walk behind the coffin of an old village woman we barely know. We walk for a long time, and I start to feel I have had enough. But since we’ve already come a long way, there’s no point in turning back. When we get to the end of the procession, in the middle of the fields we hear the weeping of the dead woman’s daughters and daughters-in-law. And I start crying too, despite myself.
    Monday, December 18
Fine weather
    This morning after gym our Chinese teacher advised us to study the first part of our book. “There may very well be a test. Those who work well will be rewarded.”
    Once again my heart all but stopped beating. I was so anxious, I could barely get a word out.
    The best pupils study with a smile on their lips, confidence written on their faces. I and a few comrades, who are perhaps the worst in the class, watch the others study with fear in our hearts. I’m afraid I’m going to stay frozen like this, like the last time, because I have so little faith in myself.
    I lower my head. Then I remember that the teacher said that if we studied well, we would certainly do well on the test.
    Tuesday, December 19
    After school the comrades go out to get their meal. I stay behind in class all alone and write. Today, I’m fasting. There are