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Authors: Wendy Northcutt
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Over cocktails, they would compete to hire him for their next film.
Stunt men work with stunt coordinators, who carefully plot out each acrobatic feat. But Isaac was a do-it-yourself man. He planned for over two years, checking the height of the tides, boat schedules, and deck layouts. He even lined up sponsors and recruited assistants. But as it turned out, he would have been better off hiring a stunt coordinator.
The jump began perfectly. Isaac took a swan dive off the bridge, trailing the bungee cord behind him. He felt it grow taut as it stretched and began to slow his descent. The tennis court of the cruise ship drew nearer…and nearer…
…and nearer, until he banged into the deck, vectored into a volleyball net, bounced against a deck railing, and found himself flying once more into the air, watching the cruise ship sail away.
Isaac failed to make his James Bond entrance, but “people on the boat loved it,” he said. “They were screaming, yelling, waving.” A witness, however, described the reaction as “shrieks of horror.”
Isaac dangled above the water, confirming that no bones were broken and making a mental note to use a shorter bungee cord next time. A water taxi positioned itself beneath him, and he descended to its deck and disengaged from the bungee cable…to a less than appreciative audience. He was turned over to the police, who charged him with criminal mischief.
He is still waiting to hear from the movie producers.
Reference: AP, cnn.com
H ONORABLE M ENTION : G O WITH THE F LOE
Confirmed by Darwin
6 A PRIL 2003, Q UEBEC , C ANADA
Elbert, described as a “woodsman,” was previously nominated for an Honorable Mention for trying to adopt a bear cub as a pet. He stole “Buddy Bear” from its snarling mother and dragged it behind his Jet Ski to subdue it. Quebec, the only Canadian province with no animal-protection laws, was unable to prosecute Elbert for that incident. But in a karmic inevitability, he was soon in the spotlight once again.
During the spring thaw, Elbert found himself fascinated by the ice floes drifting rapidly down the Gatineau River near Ottawa. Shortly thereafter, a downstream resident was cleaning her car, “when someone ran up to report a man floating downriver on a little piece of ice.” That man, of course, was Elbert. “After we called 911 we went to watch. He was traveling pretty quick because the water is fast.”
Elbert’s impulsive ride ended where the ice floes piled up on a hydro-boom strung across the river, above a set of rapids. This left him stranded on a fifteen-foot cake of ice in the middle of the frosty Gatineau River. Two young men in a rowboat rescued our adventurer, thereby preventing him from capturing a Darwin Award that day.
When police asked him what he was thinking, Elbert said, “I just felt like going for a ride.”
Reference: Low Down to Hull and Back News, www.snowgoer.com
P ERSONAL A CCOUNT : D O -I T -Y OURSELF B ASS B OAT
S EPTEMBER 2004, A RKANSAS
My son is a rescue diver with the sheriff’s department. About two months ago, they were called out for an emergency rescue of several people who had fallen in the water after their boat had tipped over.
When the rescue team arrived at the scene, other boaters had pulled two men out of the water. Two other cloth-covered items were floating ominously in the river. But when the divers entered the water, they were relieved to discover that these were not bodies.
The story was that the two rescued men had decided to do a little fishing. Bass fishermen spend tens of thousands of dollars outfitting their specialized boats with fancy electronic fish finders and other gear, and they sometimes make the boats into floating palaces, with reclining seats that allow them to relax while they’re waiting for the Big One to strike. But not everyone can afford the best.
These two fishermen had to make do with a fourteen-foot, flat-bottom jon
Stunt men work with stunt coordinators, who carefully plot out each acrobatic feat. But Isaac was a do-it-yourself man. He planned for over two years, checking the height of the tides, boat schedules, and deck layouts. He even lined up sponsors and recruited assistants. But as it turned out, he would have been better off hiring a stunt coordinator.
The jump began perfectly. Isaac took a swan dive off the bridge, trailing the bungee cord behind him. He felt it grow taut as it stretched and began to slow his descent. The tennis court of the cruise ship drew nearer…and nearer…
…and nearer, until he banged into the deck, vectored into a volleyball net, bounced against a deck railing, and found himself flying once more into the air, watching the cruise ship sail away.
Isaac failed to make his James Bond entrance, but “people on the boat loved it,” he said. “They were screaming, yelling, waving.” A witness, however, described the reaction as “shrieks of horror.”
Isaac dangled above the water, confirming that no bones were broken and making a mental note to use a shorter bungee cord next time. A water taxi positioned itself beneath him, and he descended to its deck and disengaged from the bungee cable…to a less than appreciative audience. He was turned over to the police, who charged him with criminal mischief.
He is still waiting to hear from the movie producers.
Reference: AP, cnn.com
H ONORABLE M ENTION : G O WITH THE F LOE
Confirmed by Darwin
6 A PRIL 2003, Q UEBEC , C ANADA
Elbert, described as a “woodsman,” was previously nominated for an Honorable Mention for trying to adopt a bear cub as a pet. He stole “Buddy Bear” from its snarling mother and dragged it behind his Jet Ski to subdue it. Quebec, the only Canadian province with no animal-protection laws, was unable to prosecute Elbert for that incident. But in a karmic inevitability, he was soon in the spotlight once again.
During the spring thaw, Elbert found himself fascinated by the ice floes drifting rapidly down the Gatineau River near Ottawa. Shortly thereafter, a downstream resident was cleaning her car, “when someone ran up to report a man floating downriver on a little piece of ice.” That man, of course, was Elbert. “After we called 911 we went to watch. He was traveling pretty quick because the water is fast.”
Elbert’s impulsive ride ended where the ice floes piled up on a hydro-boom strung across the river, above a set of rapids. This left him stranded on a fifteen-foot cake of ice in the middle of the frosty Gatineau River. Two young men in a rowboat rescued our adventurer, thereby preventing him from capturing a Darwin Award that day.
When police asked him what he was thinking, Elbert said, “I just felt like going for a ride.”
Reference: Low Down to Hull and Back News, www.snowgoer.com
P ERSONAL A CCOUNT : D O -I T -Y OURSELF B ASS B OAT
S EPTEMBER 2004, A RKANSAS
My son is a rescue diver with the sheriff’s department. About two months ago, they were called out for an emergency rescue of several people who had fallen in the water after their boat had tipped over.
When the rescue team arrived at the scene, other boaters had pulled two men out of the water. Two other cloth-covered items were floating ominously in the river. But when the divers entered the water, they were relieved to discover that these were not bodies.
The story was that the two rescued men had decided to do a little fishing. Bass fishermen spend tens of thousands of dollars outfitting their specialized boats with fancy electronic fish finders and other gear, and they sometimes make the boats into floating palaces, with reclining seats that allow them to relax while they’re waiting for the Big One to strike. But not everyone can afford the best.
These two fishermen had to make do with a fourteen-foot, flat-bottom jon
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