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Authors: Alice Raine
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curve. I had now learnt what Nicholas was. A dominant, apparently, was a term linked to sexual preferences or relationships that involved one partner with a predilection for overriding control instilling discipline within a relationship over another, referred to as a “submissive”. The submissive liked to be subservient to their partner, sometimes just sexually, but sometimes in all aspects of their life. So if I wanted to have sex with Nicholas again I’d have to be submissive, would I?
Practically holding my breath, I had continued reading to see what that might entail. Relationships with dominant partners were often termed as BDSM relationships because they used bondage, discipline, submission, sadism, and masochism. Wow . This really should have been where I turned the computer off, but I hadn’t. After briefly leaping away from the screen thinking something along the lines of “holy cow” , but with slightly more explicit word choices, I stupidly sat back down, ignoring the lump of fear in my throat.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn’t it? I can sit here now in the aftermath of my crazy relationship with Nicholas and clearly see this research mission was a huge turning point for my sanity. I should have walked away from the computer and Nicholas at this point, but like a complete fool I’d read on regardless. Always one to weigh up both sides of an argument, I remember thinking at the time that it seemed like these relationships could be balanced and pleasurable for both parties, but dominants could also use punishments if and when they saw fit, which sounded a bit scary to me, so I’d skimmed over that paragraph.
Why, oh why had I not bothered to stop and read it? At the time, my subconscious had been diverting me away from the scary side of Nicholas’ life and trying to push the positives on me. Maybe if I had been more sensible and read the frigging paragraph on punishments I’d never have been stupid enough to enter into a sexual relationship with Nicholas Jackson and wouldn’t be sitting here now reliving it.
I recall now that I had been almost at the point of throwing up from fear as I blindly continued my research that day, but I had at least read one sentence that vaguely reassured me. “ The fundamental motto used by many practitioners is SSC – safe, sane, and consensual, meaning the activities are safe and both parties are in agreement about what will be done.”
That sounded relatively sensible and I remember thinking that if I could just persuade Nicholas that the “activities” we did were just normal sex then we’d be fine. Huh. Naive or what?
Perhaps there is a part of me, deep, deep, down somewhere that is a little bit twisted like Nicholas, or maybe it’s just the curiosity of human nature, because once I had started reading that day I hadn’t been able to stop myself. I’d actually found it quite fascinating. Up until the point where I read a line that had caused me to pale significantly. “Because of the use of toys and punishments there is a fine line between safe and unsafe activities. For this reason both parties are advised to discuss preferences to avoid accidental harm …”
Accidental harm? My sanity had returned at this point and I hadn’t bothered finishing this sentence; instead, I had hastily cleared my browser history, turned off my computer, and then taken a long shower to clean off the feel of smut that was lingering on my skin.
After that enlightening half an hour, I had wrapped myself in my nice, fluffy, and non-bondage-like robe, then chewed on my nails for a long time, wondering why I had even bothered to read that stuff and not really finding an answer.
I’d summarised that, yes, Nicholas might have been the best sex I’d ever had, but even after just that short amount of research it had become clear to me that if he really was a dominant he was obviously in a completely different league to me, living a lifestyle I didn’t see myself fitting
Practically holding my breath, I had continued reading to see what that might entail. Relationships with dominant partners were often termed as BDSM relationships because they used bondage, discipline, submission, sadism, and masochism. Wow . This really should have been where I turned the computer off, but I hadn’t. After briefly leaping away from the screen thinking something along the lines of “holy cow” , but with slightly more explicit word choices, I stupidly sat back down, ignoring the lump of fear in my throat.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing, isn’t it? I can sit here now in the aftermath of my crazy relationship with Nicholas and clearly see this research mission was a huge turning point for my sanity. I should have walked away from the computer and Nicholas at this point, but like a complete fool I’d read on regardless. Always one to weigh up both sides of an argument, I remember thinking at the time that it seemed like these relationships could be balanced and pleasurable for both parties, but dominants could also use punishments if and when they saw fit, which sounded a bit scary to me, so I’d skimmed over that paragraph.
Why, oh why had I not bothered to stop and read it? At the time, my subconscious had been diverting me away from the scary side of Nicholas’ life and trying to push the positives on me. Maybe if I had been more sensible and read the frigging paragraph on punishments I’d never have been stupid enough to enter into a sexual relationship with Nicholas Jackson and wouldn’t be sitting here now reliving it.
I recall now that I had been almost at the point of throwing up from fear as I blindly continued my research that day, but I had at least read one sentence that vaguely reassured me. “ The fundamental motto used by many practitioners is SSC – safe, sane, and consensual, meaning the activities are safe and both parties are in agreement about what will be done.”
That sounded relatively sensible and I remember thinking that if I could just persuade Nicholas that the “activities” we did were just normal sex then we’d be fine. Huh. Naive or what?
Perhaps there is a part of me, deep, deep, down somewhere that is a little bit twisted like Nicholas, or maybe it’s just the curiosity of human nature, because once I had started reading that day I hadn’t been able to stop myself. I’d actually found it quite fascinating. Up until the point where I read a line that had caused me to pale significantly. “Because of the use of toys and punishments there is a fine line between safe and unsafe activities. For this reason both parties are advised to discuss preferences to avoid accidental harm …”
Accidental harm? My sanity had returned at this point and I hadn’t bothered finishing this sentence; instead, I had hastily cleared my browser history, turned off my computer, and then taken a long shower to clean off the feel of smut that was lingering on my skin.
After that enlightening half an hour, I had wrapped myself in my nice, fluffy, and non-bondage-like robe, then chewed on my nails for a long time, wondering why I had even bothered to read that stuff and not really finding an answer.
I’d summarised that, yes, Nicholas might have been the best sex I’d ever had, but even after just that short amount of research it had become clear to me that if he really was a dominant he was obviously in a completely different league to me, living a lifestyle I didn’t see myself fitting
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