The Countertenor Wore Garlic (The Liturgical Mysteries)

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Authors: Mark Schweizer
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Walnut.
    Billy threw his hands in the air and stomped out.
    "This is our Worship Committee meeting," said Bev. "Pull up a chair."
    "You tricked me," I said. "I don't go to meetings on Wednesdays."
    "Or Thursdays," said Joyce, "or Fridays, or any other days probably, now that Gaylen's gone."
    "We have to take the bull by the horns," said Bev. "Here's the deal. Vicar McTavish says he has his hands full with the work of planting a new church up on Grandfather Mountain. He'll be happy to celebrate the Eucharist on Sundays. But that's it. We won't see him during the week."
    "That's a relief," said Kimberly Walnut. "Now, there are a couple of things I need to talk to you all about. The first is our 'Congregational Enlivener.' I found one in Raleigh who's just great and he said he'd love to come up! Only five hundred dollars!"
    "Five hundred dollars?" said Elaine, aghast. "For what?"
    "To enliven the congregation," Kimberly Walnut explained patiently. "You see..."
    "I've really got to go," I said. "Just to be clear, we're in charge of the services. McTavish is just preaching and celebrating the Eucharist. No nineteenth century Scottish Psalters? No Genevan hymnals?"
    "All he requires is that the old King James Version of the Bible be used exclusively. He's gotten permission from the bishop to use the 1928 prayer book. We told him we couldn't do it this week because we didn't have any."
    I raised my eyebrows.
    "They were stored in one of the closets of the old church. They all burned in the fire and we didn't bother to replace them," said Bev.
    "Ah," I said.
    " Luckily, " said Bev with exaggerated sarcasm, "Lord's Chapel down the road has enough of them for us to use, but they're in storage. We can pick them up next week."
    "That is lucky," Elaine said.
    "And," added Bev, "Vicar McTavish will be doing the Children's Moment. He thinks that the children might need a healthy dose of the Bible. The real version."
    Kimberly Walnut blanched. I suppressed a grin.
    "Well, what could be the harm in that?" I said.
    Kimberly Walnut cleared her throat. "A- hem. "
    Bev looked annoyed. "What?"
    "About the Congregational Enlivener..." Kimberly said.
    Bev's shoulders slumped. "Oh no."
    "Gaylen gave me the go-ahead two months ago," said Kimberly Walnut. "I called him and he only had one date open and I had to sign the contract. He'll be here a week from Sunday."
    "Gaylen gave you the go-ahead?" said Bev.
    Kimberly looked at Bev with exasperation. "I asked her about it as soon as I heard about him. I have it right here in my notes." Kimberly Walnut held up her legal pad. "Gaylen said 'Not now. Maybe in a couple of months.' You were standing right there next to her. That's in my notes, too."
    " Maybe! " said Bev, looking at her calendar. "Gaylen said 'maybe!' Not 'Go hire a 'Congregational Enlivener' for All Saints' Sunday!'"
    "How was I to know we're celebrating All Saints' Sunday on November 5th?" whined Kimberly Walnut. "It's not even on my calendar. It's not like it's Easter or something. Anyway, I already ordered the Spirit Sticks."
    I just shook my head and sighed. "We always do it on the closest Sunday to the 1st of November. Or on the Sunday after if All Saints' Day falls on a Wednesday."
    "So what else is going on during the All Saints' Sunday service?" asked Joyce.
    "The usual, I suppose," I answered. "We'll have the reading of the roll of the departed during the prayers, the All Saints' collects, and some appropriately saintly music. I'll email all the information to Marilyn for the bulletin. If you're having a Congregational Enlivener, you might want to clue in the vicar."
    "I'll call him," said Bev, then paused in thought. "No, wait. I don't have his phone number."
    "Don't forget," I said. "We have a short All Saints' service scheduled on Wednesday the 1st, before choir practice. I'm guessing Vicar McTavish will be presiding?"
    "We're all guessing," said Bev.
    Marilyn jotted all this down on her pad. "You're still doing movie night on

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