Read Online The Confession by Jeanette Muscella - Free Book Online

that
question many times over the years, and it pains me having to tell
you the truth. I do remember that I was drinking heavily, and I used cocaine that night, and,” I take a deep
cleansing breath, “I’ve regretted my actions for the past nineteen
years. I entered the priesthood because I knew of no other way to
atone for my sin. I committed the vilest of crimes against my
brother’s wife. I had to remove myself from everyone because I was
in love with Lydia. I loved her for a long time, but she only had
feelings for you. I resented you for taking away my chance at happiness. When she agreed to marry you, it destroyed
me.”
    Stunned by his honesty, Adam searched
for the right words. “Lydia told you repeatedly that she loved you
as a friend. We both thought you had accepted this and moved on to
someone else.”
    “She loved you and it made me angry. I
tried so hard to keep my feelings to myself. That night has haunted
my dreams for many years. I had to remove myself from the
memories.”
    “I want you to stay away from Gail. If
you hurt her, I will hurt you. I don’t care if you are a
priest.”
    “ What are you implying,
Adam? This does not concern Gail.”
    “Gail is your daughter. Her
pre-surgery blood
work confirmed that I am not her
biological father. The blood you so readily donated was typed and
matched before Gail’s surgery. David found similar protein
patterns in your blood that matched Gail’s blood. He ran a DNA test
as a precaution. You are Gail’s father.”
    For as long as I live, I will never
forget this day. I will never forget the look of anguish on my
brother’s tear stained face. How is it possible that I am Gail’s
father? “Oh Adam, I didn’t know. How could I have known? What do we
do now?”
    “I don’t know what to do. How do I tell
my daughter that I am not her father? I want to know what would
drive you to betray me in this way. What have I ever done to you
that would justify you fucking my wife?”
    I cringe at Adam’s harsh words. Father
Mallard has a similar reaction. “Please Adam, watch your
language.”
    Adam snapped.
“ Please, spare me the righteous indignation. You are guilty
of rape, and I want to know why.”
    I sit quietly for several minutes,
rubbing the rosary beads between my fingers. Father Mallard stood
silently in the background, and when I glance over at him, the
expression on his face makes me nervous. I can feel sweat running
down my neck and back. In an unusually calm voice, as if I were
detaching myself from the memory, I tell Adam the painful
truth.
    “I was always jealous of
you. There was not a time growing up that I did not resent you.
After you and Mary had
been born, I became invisible. It took a
long time for Dad to include me in your lives. By that time, the
resentment built to the point where everything you did irritate me.”
    “I met Lydia at a rock
concert, and we dated for several months. She told me several times
that she did not want to have sex until after she was married . My body craved her in a way that excited and frightened me.
When she told me she did not love me and wanted to end the
relationship, I let her go, but never stopped loving her. It killed
me when she showed up at our family Christmas dinner with you. I
confronted her in the kitchen and demanded to know why she was
dating my brother .”
    “Imagine my shock when she
proudly told me that you were the better man and apologized for
not telling me directly. She did not like my drinking and
caught me using cocaine. She thought showing up for Christmas
dinner with you would defuse the situation. She looked happy, and I
felt like an ass because I still loved her.”
    Adam gritted his teeth. “What happened
that night?”
    “Lydia was upset that you
missed your birthday party. She made a point of cooking a
special dinner and invited Mom and Dad. She called me complaining
about everything, and I drove over to your apartment to keep her
company.”
    “When everyone left,