Read Online The Color of Home: A Novel by Rich Marcello - Free Book Online Page B

he’s going to spring on me one day. I’m afraid he’s been on his best behavior all these months and the real Nick is starting to surface. I’m afraid he’s going to start treating me like his old girlfriends. He’s been distant. And angry. I kind of want to strike first and take off.” She moved her fork back and forth between her fingers like a divining rod seeking water. For years after the accident, she’d followed almost any mystical avenue that might tell her what to do. Astrology. Tarot cards. Angel cards. Psychics. But she’d given all of that up when she gave up Vicodin. Too bad. She placed the fork back down.
    “And you’re about to come face to face with the one-year rule.”
    “He doesn’t know about that.”
    “He doesn’t know?”
    “No.”
    “Why not?”
    “I sort of didn’t get around to telling him.”
    “He’s not the only one hiding something.”
    In college, Sassa had planted the only rule she’d stuck to ever since: never let a romantic relationship go beyond the one-year anniversary. Sassa pushed back in her chair and shifted her weight. She picked out a piece of corned beef from her sandwich, loaded it on an extra slice of bread, and doused it with mustard. Two bites later it was gone. She dipped her finger into spilt mustard on her plate, then licked her finger. Nothing like deli mustard. “I guess that’s a good point.”
    “I mean you could tell him, along with everything else you just told me.”
    Sassa tilted her head to the side for a second. Why hadn’t she told Nick about the one-year rule? Better to keep her options open, especially since he was holding something back. Better to hurt him first than the other way around. That’s the way she’d always done it, and it had served her well. “How do couples last fifty years in a relationship? There’s so much stuff that can go wrong.”
    “If you figure that one out and bottle the answer, we can retire.”
    “We’ll start a restaurant together and drizzle a few drops on our desserts.”
    “Speaking of which, want to split a piece of blueberry cheesecake?”
    “Absolutely.”
    Sassa signaled the waiter over. A short time later, he served them an oversized piece of cheesecake smothered with a fresh blueberry sauce and a dollop of fresh whipped cream. Two forks hung off the cake like oars. For a few moments, the cake had their undivided attention.
    “That was fanstastic.”
    “For sure.”
    “Back to fifty years. Maybe longevity has something to do with longing. When the longing in your heart subsides, when you know who you are, when you’re whole, fifty years may seem more doable,” Sarah said.
    “How do you get rid of the longing?”
    “I have no idea.”
    That was the problem. Sassa had no idea either, yet for as long as she could remember there had been an undertow pulling her away, as if she had no choice, as if she’d been sabotaged but couldn’t name the saboteur. Was that longing or something else? “Sometimes I feel like deep, dark things are dragging me away.”
    “Me too.”
    “I want to get rid of them.”
    “You sort of need to trick them into surfacing first.”
    “Seems like whack-a-mole,” Sassa said.
    “Stop hitting and try embracing.”
    How could she embrace deep, dark things? It was like they had been exiled long ago and someone was protecting them. She was willing to give it a try, but only if she knew the outcome ahead of time. Otherwise, she would lose control. “Maybe I’ll ride things out.”
    “Has that ever worked for you in the past?”
    “I didn’t care so much in the past.”
    “What would happen if you didn’t ride things out?”
    “I’d have to leave him.”
    “You know that for sure? Why?”
    Why did she need to leave? She had never said that out loud before. Did she really mean it? An incredible rush of sadness, unlike anything she’d ever experienced before, washed over her. Were the deep, dark things dragging her away from him? Or was that the path to