weight.
Tom came to see the boys and me in the evening. As he walked into the room beaming, he stopped, looked first at me holding Harry, then at Keith holding Jack, and then promptly asked who the other baby belonged to. Weâd wrongly assumed he knew the meaning of the word twins.
Maybe spending more time listening to the teacher and not looking out of the window watching tractors might have prepared him for the biggest shock of his little life. He looked so disappointed, the realization that his life would never be the same again. Up until that moment, Tom and I had done so much together: swimming, walking and horse riding, all the fun things that I feel children need to experience. It was then that Tom decided it would now be Daddy heâd devote his time to.
I had been home for less than three hours with the boys when I was rushed back into hospital with a suspected blood clot on the lung, which obviously could prove fatal. We didnât have time to wait for the ambulance. Once I arrived at Accident & Emergency, I was placed in a curtained cubicle next to a man who was explaining to the doctors that he had an unfortunate rash on his testicles. I wondered if this would be the last conversation I would ever hear. God, I hoped not.
After another five-day stay in hospital and avoiding the chicken dinners, I was given the all clear and allowed home. Keith brought my boys in to see me; however, one of the tests made me radioactive, so I wasnât allowed to go near them for twenty-four hours.
Once home, we all settled into some sort of normality. Tom spent more time out with his dad on the farm, while I looked after Jack and Harry, along with help from our family. The twins, or, as I was calling them, âthe termitesâ, were into everything; sometimes I got there before they broke things, other times I didnât. They, like Tom, also enjoyed the outdoor life, especially looking after and caring for the animals. Iâm sure the attraction had more to do with the thought of getting muddy!
Today I suffer a serious lung condition, which is quite limiting as I get extremely short of breath. This is the result of the radiotherapy being targeted directly at my chest area. Iâm on medication to control my symptoms, but Iâm also trying to keep myself fit and eat a healthy diet. Iâm still in remission from cancer and have regular check-ups.
I dedicate a lot of my time to raising money for cancer charities and creating awareness about the disease. I have been made an ambassador for the cause, telling people about my story and lobbying MPs about the way cancer patients are treated.
We are still busy dairy farming, and I oversee the small campsite run in conjunction with the farm. In the summer months, my boys go feral and they have the freedom and experiences that all children should enjoy.
On 18 May, it was my nineteenth year from diagnosis and boy did I celebrate it. Hand on heart, Iâd not change anything thatâs happened to me. Iâm not saying that having cancer was the best thing that has happened to me, but it has made me the person I am today. Iâm determined, positive, take nothing for granted and know how to prioritize things in life. Having fun, laughing and seeing the funny side in all situations is a priority.
Before, I was very materialistic, only wanting the best things, designer labels, flash cars, regular holidays and a nice tidy house. After the termites have been playing, our house looks like a bomb has hit it. Those things of course are no longer important. The last nineteen years have been a hell of a rollercoaster ride for us all; itâs taken me from one episode or crisis to the other. I suppose I could have given up and bailed out at any time, but Iâd not be here now to enjoy the most important things in my life, my boys and my loving husband.
â My Story by Jessica Smith
Life and Death Inside Me
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