Read Online The Butcher Boy by Patrick McCabe - Free Book Online Page A

and him, Manchester United against the rest. Do you like Manchester United I asked her. Tommy Taylor and Denis Law. They're the best. The Munich Air Disaster I said. Did you ever see the like? The whole team Mrs Nugent. I seen it in the paper. All they found of Tommy Taylor was his boots. It was terrible I said. Terrible. I shook my head in dismay and Mrs Nugent must have thought it bad too for her eyes reddened and she wiped her mouth with the back of her hand and a bit of her sleeve. When he comes back in to do his lessons after a few kicks he'll be right as rain. Philip, I called. I knew he was in the kitchen for he always did his lessons at the table the spectacles were on. It was just beside the television and sometimes Mr Nugent sat there with him and helped him puffing away on his pipe like an ad on the television himself. Yes I like Maltan Ready Rubbed Flake says Mr Nugent! with the big briar stuck in his gob. I called out but he didn't hear me that time either so I called again. A few kicks, I said. Are you coming? But still there was no sign so I thought maybe the comics would get him out. I have a whole load of new comics Philip I said. Can you hear me Phil? I said. It was good saying Phil like that. Yup, me and Phil we been old buddies for a lawwwwng time, that's what I said. Dandy Beano Topper Victor Hotspur Hornet Hurricane Diana Bunty Judy and Commandoes I said all in one breath and I was like a magician drawing an endless streamer of coloured bunting out of my mouth. I'll tell you what Philip, I said then, I'll let you have all my Commandoes for all your Toppers now there's a fair deal what do you say Phil! On account of Commandoes costing a shilling and Toppers only being tuppence you couldn't get a better deal than that. But still there was no sign of Philip so I had to go and say it all over again. Then what does Mrs Nugent say only please go away. Mrs Nugent I said, if you think I've come to rob Philip of his comics that's where you're wrong, I wouldn't do that. I just wouldn't do it. That's all over. That was supposed to be just a joke Mrs Nugent. Look -- I really am going to give Philip my Commandoes. Philip, I called. Then I said it yet again Dandy Beano and all that. What was Philip doing in there? Mrs Nugent's cheeks were all wet and her voice was shaky. I thought I'd cheer her up for she really thought I was going to rob Philip Nugent. Look Mrs Nugent I said I'm not going to rob him! I said it loud and clear so she would believe me. He can have every comic I ever collected. I'm serious Mrs Nugent. He can. The whole lot. I didn't care about comics any more. What did I care about comics? But Mrs Nugent still didn't believe me. She just sniffled and wouldn't look at me. Look Mrs Nugent I said and I got down on all fours on the tarmac. I made sure to get a bit inside the hall in case she shut the door on me and then I stuck out my face and scrunched up my nose and made my eyes as small as I could then I gave a big grunt. I thought that would cheer Mrs Nugent up. I looked up at her again. Snort. Then I laughed. What do you think of that Mrs Nooge? What a laugh it was. The more I snorted the more I laughed I really did think it was the best laugh ever especially when Philip appeared with his what's going on here face on. Detective Inspector Philip Nooge of the Yard here!
    At first Philip didn't know what to do you don't usually expect to come out of your kitchen and see a pig wearing a jacket and trousers crawling round your front step. He was standing there with a pencil behind his ear. There was a joke but I didn't say it. Did you hear about the constipated professor? He worked it out with a pencil. I was too busy watching Philip trying to work out a professor plan. Snort! And then Philip's face. I looked right up at him. A game of football. Me and you against the rest Philip what do you say? Then I gave another snort and poor Philip didn't know what end of him was up. Snort. Then off I went laughing