love each other.”
Grocery Store Math Distracter
Doni Boyd’s two kids, like most, nagged their way through shopping trips. So Doni came up with a savvy idea. “We gave them each a $2 credit for every supermarket trip, which really stopped them from begging to buy this and that,” says Doni. “The credit part was because we didn’t want to have to check them out separately. If they spent less than $2, they didn’t get paid the change until we got home and put groceries away. It worked great because they had to do some math to make it work, and if they wanted something worth more than $2 they had to negotiate with siblings and pool their money.”
Reward for Detested but Necessary Hygiene Tasks
After clipping nails, Courtney Andelman gives her two girls temporary tattoos. She says that because they are so thrilled at the prospect of tattoos, they don’t stop to whine about the actual clipping part. And here is her advice on the topic of temporary tats: “The big trick with temporary tattoos is to use lots of water. The paper needs to get very soft to transfer the image well. We count together while we do this, which is probably how my girls learned to count to thirty at such a young age!”
Eight Common Rough Spots That Rituals Can Smooth Over
1. Daycare or school drop-off
2. Naptimes and bedtimes
3. Grocery shopping and other errands
4. Waiting (in lines, for restaurant food, etc.)
5. Bathtime
6. Hair brushing or other grooming
7. Departure of a friend or family member
8. Taking turns/Sharing during playtime
Problem-Solving Rituals Basics
• Silly songs or rhymes, either about what is happening, or something wildly different that distracts
• Visual games, such as “The person who sees the most people dressed in red before our food comes wins!”
• Always bring and read books (This one saved our lives, waiting in long lines at Disneyworld to take Max, at four, on rides.)
• Comic choreography: Make-up goofy dance moves, even for sitting down
Rituals to Keep the Peace
Kids will bicker and fight, especially siblings. But sometimes a brief ritual can calm the combatants. Teaching young kids to avoid violence is a powerful life lesson.
Family Huddle
When the two Abbe kids have been fighting, especially in the car, their mother hollers out, “Family huddle time.” Even in a parking lot, they stop and huddle like teammates, stack their hands up in the center of the circle, yell out the family cheer (“Let’s go, Abbes!”), and punch their fists to the sky. Afterward, they go on their way as a united force.
Crazy Dance Party
Members of the Pfeiffer family say that unity is always restored if they can laugh together. So when any of them feels it’s needed, he or she calls out, “Crazy Dance Party,” and starts a countdown from ten to one. By the time one is reached, someone has found a rock oldies radio station to listen to, and they dance like lunatics till everybody is laughing.
Shakespearean Insults
This is one of those problem-solving rituals in which humor is the magic ingredient. Liz Hawkins, mother of four, had some fridge magnets on hand that were decorated with colorful insults taken from William Shakespeare’s writings. When her kids were little, she used to say, “If you’re going to fight, then you have to hug,” but when they got to be teenagers, she needed a new defense-against-the-dark-arts ritual. She got the idea to tell her warring children that if they were going to insult one another, they could only do it using one of these Shakespearean taunts. “They looked at me like I was nuts,” she says, but they soon rose to the occasion and discovered it was impossible to keep a straight face after calling their sibling “Thou crusty batch of nature!” (usually with their best British accent).
If your kids are too young for the bard, there are variations on this concept: I know one mom who announced to her kids that they could only call each other names in a foreign tongue.
Grocery Store Math Distracter
Doni Boyd’s two kids, like most, nagged their way through shopping trips. So Doni came up with a savvy idea. “We gave them each a $2 credit for every supermarket trip, which really stopped them from begging to buy this and that,” says Doni. “The credit part was because we didn’t want to have to check them out separately. If they spent less than $2, they didn’t get paid the change until we got home and put groceries away. It worked great because they had to do some math to make it work, and if they wanted something worth more than $2 they had to negotiate with siblings and pool their money.”
Reward for Detested but Necessary Hygiene Tasks
After clipping nails, Courtney Andelman gives her two girls temporary tattoos. She says that because they are so thrilled at the prospect of tattoos, they don’t stop to whine about the actual clipping part. And here is her advice on the topic of temporary tats: “The big trick with temporary tattoos is to use lots of water. The paper needs to get very soft to transfer the image well. We count together while we do this, which is probably how my girls learned to count to thirty at such a young age!”
Eight Common Rough Spots That Rituals Can Smooth Over
1. Daycare or school drop-off
2. Naptimes and bedtimes
3. Grocery shopping and other errands
4. Waiting (in lines, for restaurant food, etc.)
5. Bathtime
6. Hair brushing or other grooming
7. Departure of a friend or family member
8. Taking turns/Sharing during playtime
Problem-Solving Rituals Basics
• Silly songs or rhymes, either about what is happening, or something wildly different that distracts
• Visual games, such as “The person who sees the most people dressed in red before our food comes wins!”
• Always bring and read books (This one saved our lives, waiting in long lines at Disneyworld to take Max, at four, on rides.)
• Comic choreography: Make-up goofy dance moves, even for sitting down
Rituals to Keep the Peace
Kids will bicker and fight, especially siblings. But sometimes a brief ritual can calm the combatants. Teaching young kids to avoid violence is a powerful life lesson.
Family Huddle
When the two Abbe kids have been fighting, especially in the car, their mother hollers out, “Family huddle time.” Even in a parking lot, they stop and huddle like teammates, stack their hands up in the center of the circle, yell out the family cheer (“Let’s go, Abbes!”), and punch their fists to the sky. Afterward, they go on their way as a united force.
Crazy Dance Party
Members of the Pfeiffer family say that unity is always restored if they can laugh together. So when any of them feels it’s needed, he or she calls out, “Crazy Dance Party,” and starts a countdown from ten to one. By the time one is reached, someone has found a rock oldies radio station to listen to, and they dance like lunatics till everybody is laughing.
Shakespearean Insults
This is one of those problem-solving rituals in which humor is the magic ingredient. Liz Hawkins, mother of four, had some fridge magnets on hand that were decorated with colorful insults taken from William Shakespeare’s writings. When her kids were little, she used to say, “If you’re going to fight, then you have to hug,” but when they got to be teenagers, she needed a new defense-against-the-dark-arts ritual. She got the idea to tell her warring children that if they were going to insult one another, they could only do it using one of these Shakespearean taunts. “They looked at me like I was nuts,” she says, but they soon rose to the occasion and discovered it was impossible to keep a straight face after calling their sibling “Thou crusty batch of nature!” (usually with their best British accent).
If your kids are too young for the bard, there are variations on this concept: I know one mom who announced to her kids that they could only call each other names in a foreign tongue.
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