Read Online The Book of Goodbyes by Jillian Weise - Free Book Online Page B
Authors: Jillian Weise
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donât believe in God, but . . . If time is written on an 8 Ã 11 piece of paper, all of time, if thatâs true, then you are simultaneously buying flowers, taking the woman from the park bench in your mouth and making love to your girlfriend while she watches a stranger pee into your commode. It is, after all, your commode. Where is your rage?
*
I notice you, noticing you, nostalgic for the time before you, which is her time not yours, which you would like for yours, which you would like to pocket along with the change from the ten dollar bill, since the flowers were only five, since you bought carnations, roses were ten, and though you had the ten dollar bill, you wanted something (Spinoza and others agree: âDesire is the essence of manâ), a beverage, which requires going into the bar, asking the woman with the orange if she will join you in the bar. Isnât she hot in this heat? She must be.
*
We are getting stale. I call us stale. I can feel us getting stale and it sickens me.
More.
You sicken me.
More.
I took the flowers and I cut the stems off the flowers. I cut the stems off the flowers because you wanted me to do it. You urged me to cut the stems off the flowers and I do not regret one bit of it. Not even in the morning.
*
The problem with flowers and buying them is implicit in the exchange of, yes, that ten dollar bill. Times you have bartered flowers for sex? Times you have tried to barter flowers for sex? People in the world who believe in time? Time it will take for the woman biting into the orange to look up and notice your flowers?
*
Spinoza says, âOne and the same thing can at the same time be good, bad and indifferent.â The same thing, at the same time, look up, oranges are the essence of man, biting into them is the essence of man, look up, look up. Arenât you hot? In this heat, you must be.
AFFAIRS
Affairs are amply appreciated by contemporary critics under the name of discontinuity. Affairs come into their own when we translate the whole question from structure to behavior. Affairs disappear altogether. Many affairs remain unabsorbed. The concept of the affair gives another dimension to the impact of epiphanies. Affairs in general may be analyzed according to whatever distinctions one uses in analyzing. Affairs are associated with shortness. Final affairs are an obstacle to artistic comprehension caused by the seemingly premature placing of the end. Such affairs exist in every perception that oneâs tentative comprehension is not complete. Such affairs depend on the convention that âevery thing counts.â Affairs challenge us at a more fundamental level. Affairs are never completely resolved. Final affairs are the most extreme.
POEM FOR HIS GIRL
Iâll tell you which panties
look good on you
psychedelic plaid
with ruffles on the waist
patriotic polka dot
the whale print is very
whatâs his name again?
Those would look good on you
those too, those also
I could see you
wearing those in his truck
out past the Esso station
to the field party
that one time
you got drunk
and fucked around
with some of his friends
and he cracked 6 beers
and felt old and drove
to the cemetery
and pissed on yr fatherâs grave
here he comes round
the cornerâ
Are you writing about her?
I hope youâre not
writing about her
If we went shopping
I mean today dammit
you could ask why
Iâm sleeping with him
then push me
into the hangers
Iâm not supposed
to try you on anymore
The dead walk into poems
all the time
Nobody complains
INTERMISSION
TINY AND COURAGEOUS FINCHES
Iguazú Falls, the Argentine side, a cave,
behind the water, two tiny and courageous
finches, Bitto and Marcel, spend the day
flying in and flying out.
Bitto is most proud, daily caw, paid
vacation and space to think aloud.
He likes knowing where everyone is
and that where they are, he is far from.
He
*
I notice you, noticing you, nostalgic for the time before you, which is her time not yours, which you would like for yours, which you would like to pocket along with the change from the ten dollar bill, since the flowers were only five, since you bought carnations, roses were ten, and though you had the ten dollar bill, you wanted something (Spinoza and others agree: âDesire is the essence of manâ), a beverage, which requires going into the bar, asking the woman with the orange if she will join you in the bar. Isnât she hot in this heat? She must be.
*
We are getting stale. I call us stale. I can feel us getting stale and it sickens me.
More.
You sicken me.
More.
I took the flowers and I cut the stems off the flowers. I cut the stems off the flowers because you wanted me to do it. You urged me to cut the stems off the flowers and I do not regret one bit of it. Not even in the morning.
*
The problem with flowers and buying them is implicit in the exchange of, yes, that ten dollar bill. Times you have bartered flowers for sex? Times you have tried to barter flowers for sex? People in the world who believe in time? Time it will take for the woman biting into the orange to look up and notice your flowers?
*
Spinoza says, âOne and the same thing can at the same time be good, bad and indifferent.â The same thing, at the same time, look up, oranges are the essence of man, biting into them is the essence of man, look up, look up. Arenât you hot? In this heat, you must be.
AFFAIRS
Affairs are amply appreciated by contemporary critics under the name of discontinuity. Affairs come into their own when we translate the whole question from structure to behavior. Affairs disappear altogether. Many affairs remain unabsorbed. The concept of the affair gives another dimension to the impact of epiphanies. Affairs in general may be analyzed according to whatever distinctions one uses in analyzing. Affairs are associated with shortness. Final affairs are an obstacle to artistic comprehension caused by the seemingly premature placing of the end. Such affairs exist in every perception that oneâs tentative comprehension is not complete. Such affairs depend on the convention that âevery thing counts.â Affairs challenge us at a more fundamental level. Affairs are never completely resolved. Final affairs are the most extreme.
POEM FOR HIS GIRL
Iâll tell you which panties
look good on you
psychedelic plaid
with ruffles on the waist
patriotic polka dot
the whale print is very
whatâs his name again?
Those would look good on you
those too, those also
I could see you
wearing those in his truck
out past the Esso station
to the field party
that one time
you got drunk
and fucked around
with some of his friends
and he cracked 6 beers
and felt old and drove
to the cemetery
and pissed on yr fatherâs grave
here he comes round
the cornerâ
Are you writing about her?
I hope youâre not
writing about her
If we went shopping
I mean today dammit
you could ask why
Iâm sleeping with him
then push me
into the hangers
Iâm not supposed
to try you on anymore
The dead walk into poems
all the time
Nobody complains
INTERMISSION
TINY AND COURAGEOUS FINCHES
Iguazú Falls, the Argentine side, a cave,
behind the water, two tiny and courageous
finches, Bitto and Marcel, spend the day
flying in and flying out.
Bitto is most proud, daily caw, paid
vacation and space to think aloud.
He likes knowing where everyone is
and that where they are, he is far from.
He
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